Did I handle this cancelled date correctly?

[RedScorpion]

Hey guys, I was wondering on the best methods to handle a cancelled date/flake. This is more checking to see if I'm handling this correctly, rather than trying to win her over.

I known this girl for awhile. She's always seemed to have interest in me, though shes had bfs. We had gotten for flirty the last few weeks. Tickling, backrubs from her, inviting me for dinner. Then she revealed indirectly her ldr bf and her are on a break. We kept flirting. So I called her, invited her to see a movie. She said yeah I can come up (she seemed happy but surprised). I offered to pay for the movies because she was driving up (1hr drive). She sent '? U sure? I can get my own'. Replied yup. I made a mistake doing that, I'm sure, offering to pay. I sent her details, asking what time would work better for her. No reply for a day. She texted the morning of the date to cancel. It was a lame excuse. No counter-offer. I send her a text a few hours later with 'Okay', and a few hours from then, she send 'Sorry'. I didn't send a response back to that. That was 4 days ago.

I realize that if she was interested, she would have counter offered, or got in touch, and I need to next her, etc. I'm wanting some insight on if I'm handling the aftermath correctly/to the best effect (I'm still learning). If so, I can apply it to future girls (or fix it).

My plan is to cut contact until/if she contacts me. That should tell me all I need to know about her interest level. It feels kind of lose-lose at this point for some reason, I don't feel like she'd be the kind of girl to contact me at all first (she has too many orbiters I feel like). Regardless, I'd like to do best as possible for me, and just learn from it.

 

[BeDJ]

Women that have LDR BF's put out a lot easier if you use bold and direct game. One thing led to another and we just fvcked.

Did you make a move during the hangouts?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Scorpion,
" I offered to pay for the movies because she was driving up (1hr drive)".....I would also offer,an hours driving shows a high attraction level,you lost no points,showed consideration and as your rationalisation was sharing costs would have lost no credit...Frankly someone that far away qualifies as a LDR in my book,even with the hottest babe half an hour is the limit....I find any more than that and you gradually lose interest...I wouldn't invest any more energy in this just carry on seeking more Plates to spin,if she turns up again well sure make the most of it,but expect nothing longterm!

 

[Scormus]

In my experience once a girl flakes with no counter offer we are dead in the water.

Whatever you do at that point, you have more chances of winning the lottery than actually getting on a date, no matter how you play it.

At that point as you say its lose-lose and you can only demean yourself by putting any more effort into this girl.

Think about it - if you liked a girl would you ever cancel with no counter offer?

At this point the best you can do is save face and shock her by just deleting her contact details and she never hears from you again.

One acquaintance I went out with once, she wouldn't kiss me at the end, I ignore her, she calls, texts, runs into me on the street, I just brush her off, one day I see her on the street again and she looks away embarrassed like she's been humiliated. That's the best you can do at that point.

 

[nismo-4]

Would she be doing this to Brad Pitt? I think not.

Women who are interested in you won't confuse you.

Your princess is in another castle. When a woman flakes on you, it's low interest. Just like her sending mixed signals. If either case happens, DONE. There's a better chance you'll win the Powerball!

Case closed.

 

[Zunder]

Would she be doing this to Brad Pitt? I think not.

Women who are interested in you won't confuse you.

Your princess is in another castle. When a woman flakes on you, it's low interest. Just like her sending mixed signals. If either case happens, DONE. There's a better chance you'll win the Powerball!

Case closed.

This. And why would you want to get involved on a girl "on a break" from her BF anyway unless it's an easy pump with next zero effort? Move on son, she is not interested and her mind is not thinking about you.

 

[RedScorpion]

Thanks guys for the replies. Scaramouche, I'm glad to hear that offering to pay would have most likely not been the cause (and that offering was a good thing). I'm always of mind to try and be considerate (but not overly so, hopefully). BeDJ, I have made a few moves to gauge her.Such as when she undid her hair, she was hand combing it out, saying it probably smells. So I took my hand and combed once, smelled it, saying it smells good. But she kind of made a weird face when I did that. So I pulled back. Couple other attempts. She kept making other physical contact too randomly. Most of the time there was someone around too (but sometimes not). It just didn't feel like it was quite clicking. I was looking for a sense to kiss her or push more but... I don't know. I probably should have tried anyway.

This is kind of what prompted me to ask her out, one on one. To isolate her, and yep make a move.

If I had an internal reason that I felt was going wrong, it was of being too available to her. During the times with her, half of me was pushing to try something with her, and the other half to be cool, hold back. When I wasn't around her, I felt... I probably should have been less available (though she was initiating the hang outs (I was visiting my mom in the same area)). But who knows.

I agree with your assessments. Just self-frustrating in a sense. Hell though, I know logically even if I ****ed it all up before, if she was interested, she wouldn't be throwing roadblocks up to mess her chances with me. She does have quite a few issues with her anyway (not even involving me), as well as the distance. Her contact details are gone with the wind, and we'll see if she does anything (99.9% chance not )

 

[Zunder]

Thanks guys for the replies. Scaramouche, I'm glad to hear that offering to pay wouldn't have been the cause. BeDJ, I have made a few moves to gauge her.Such as when she undid her hair, she was hand combing it out, saying it probably smells. So I took my hand and combed once, smelled it, saying it smells good. But she kind of made a weird face when I did that. So I stepped back. Couple other attempts. She kept making other physical contact too randomly. Most of the time there was someone around too (but sometimes not). It just didn't feel like it was quite clicking. I was looking for a sense to kiss her or push more but... I don't know. I probably should have tried anyway.

This is kind of what prompted me to ask her out, one on one. To isolate her, and yep make a move.

If I had an internal reason that I felt was going wrong, it was of being too available to her. During the times with her, half of me was pushing to try something with her, and the other half to be cool, hold back. When I wasn't around her, I felt... I probably should have been less available (though she was initiating the hang outs (I was visiting my mom in the same area)). But who knows.

I agree with your assessments. Just self-frustrating in a sense. Hell though, I know logically even if I ****ed it all up before, if she was interested, she wouldn't be throwing roadblocks to mess up her chances with me. Her contact details are gone with the wind.

Good on you mate. Just remember, she sits on the toilet and takes a dump like you. Nohting special. She is in her own little universe and is not to be taken seriously. Just because she is not interested no way reflects badly on you. Your moves may have not been A1 Alpha, but they were not total Beta either.

 

[Scormus]

Remember you can be rejected by very mediocre girls and get accepted by hotties.

In my experience the mediocre girls are insecure and hold out for a hunk to validate themselves.

The better looking ones can sometimes think, they have looks enough for two.

I am in with a sexy 5 foot 10, 28 year old but have been rejected by women bordering on dumpy (who I had earmarked as potential FB only).

Moral: Don't ever let rejection from mediocre women make you think you can't get in with better!

Once a girl flakes on you, she deserves NONE of your time and effort.

 

[Solomon]

Hey guys, I was wondering on the best methods to handle a cancelled date/flake. This is more checking to see if I'm handling this correctly, rather than trying to win her over.

I known this girl for awhile. She's always seemed to have interest in me, though shes had bfs. We had gotten for flirty the last few weeks. Tickling, backrubs from her, inviting me for dinner. Then she revealed indirectly her ldr bf and her are on a break. We kept flirting. So I called her, invited her to see a movie. She said yeah I can come up (she seemed happy but surprised). I offered to pay for the movies because she was driving up (1hr drive). She sent '? U sure? I can get my own'. Replied yup. I made a mistake doing that, I'm sure, offering to pay. I sent her details, asking what time would work better for her. No reply for a day. She texted the morning of the date to cancel. It was a lame excuse. No counter-offer. I send her a text a few hours later with 'Okay', and a few hours from then, she send 'Sorry'. I didn't send a response back to that. That was 4 days ago.

I realize that if she was interested, she would have counter offered, or got in touch, and I need to next her, etc. I'm wanting some insight on if I'm handling the aftermath correctly/to the best effect (I'm still learning). If so, I can apply it to future girls (or fix it).

My plan is to cut contact until/if she contacts me. That should tell me all I need to know about her interest level. It feels kind of lose-lose at this point for some reason, I don't feel like she'd be the kind of girl to contact me at all first (she has too many orbiters I feel like). Regardless, I'd like to do best as possible for me, and just learn from it.

You did the right thing, played it great IMO and I do exactly what you do

Not to hijack your thread

Had a girl flake on me as well not long ago and I think it was due to lack of interest plus lame weak confirmation text on my part (we were suppose to go to the lake and she had mentioned swimming but it was a crappy day hence my swimming joke in the text)

Flake Text

Now some might say she had a counter offer with offering to reschedule but it's weak and I haven't heard from her since.

Some said I was acting insecure and not caring, and that maybe the girl was truly sick

But I've had women who were literally sick still wanting to meet and smash....


Back to the thread topic:

Move on and spin more plates since that chick I've hooked up with 4 other chicks. The game is a beautiful thing, when your spinning plates

:rockon: