Did I get it wrong or what?

[dronkitto]

Hi guys!

I've been reading a while and I think I pretty much managed to change my attitude when going out and talking to girls (at least on the outside) thanks to a lot of advice I read here and there.

I think I got to a point in which I don't show neediness an don't just go along whatever a gir wants (i.e. buying her drinks or driving her home in exchange for nothing or whatever), as in acting on the "I don't need to buy her or drag around for her, it's she that has to prove worthy of me" frame of mind.

Question one: I got to that point, i.e. don't show too much interest, go around, talk awhile to a group of girls/people, a while to another, etc, don't pay her drinks, don't agree to everything she says, etc. (unless she shows interest, of course).
Now what? I don't seem to find the point of inflection in which my laid back attitude changes, I openly show interest and go for the close. I mean, I look not so interested an then just kiss out of nowhere? I don't get it.

Question two: How true is that advice anyway? Let me tell you that in more than a couple of occasions, I was talking to girls who showed lots of interest (i.e. in one case we even had made out two days earlier, in another she came to me and engaged conversation and paid half of the drink), and they ended up going away with some other guy who just showed up, started paying for the drinks, then asked her to go outside smoke joint/go to the bathroom take some acid or whatever, then next thing I know, they're making out.
According to the experts in this forum that guy is a poor chump who tries to buy the girl (besides, in many cases, to buy her with drugs, which I find so degrading).
When such a guy pops up, I just lay back, relax, act like it's no big deal, accept the drinks, make some comments here and there but not engage in his talk, maybe pretend to loose interest, go talk to some other girl...
But in the end the guy's strategy works! WTF?

So to what point does that advice not work, to what point I just ran into the wrong type of girl, and to what point am I doing things wrong?

Thanks guys!

 

[Borknagar]

Yeah dude, I find most advice doesn't work. You act too interested, you're needy, you don't act too interested, she runs off.

 

[dronkitto]

Thanks for your response!

So, here's the new field report, or should I say failure report (lol) and would appreciate some help:

Context: small city, we all frequent more or less the same bars. Same girl from the original post, I knew her 2 years ago, I briefly banged (or got banged by) her friend (lol). Two years pass and this pretty girl never pays attention to me, sometimes being overtly indifferent. Then out of the blue the w/end before last she sees me with two girl friends of mine, literally pulls me out, chats with me so interested for like hours, pays half the drinks, some guy (we barely know) comes, pays like 4 beer for us, I pretend not to give a sh*t and even loose interest, talk to other girls, etc., then the guy asks her out to smoke joint, next thing i know, they come back holding hands. I assumed they've made out and that's what motivated my original post. Then she asked me "what are you gouys going to do now?" which means "drive me home", so i pretended not to care, (like she deserves me driving her home!) and I guess she took a cab.

Last weekend, again out of the blue, chats with me, asks me out (!!) to some concert at a bar. OK, I said, I've been reading a nice post on not burning bridges, not being an ass, so I gave her the benefit of doubt (hey! maybe she didn't even make out with the guy!) and went out with her. Again pretty nice chat, lots of eye contact, some kino, beer (lol), when I got her face at like 2 inches from mine, she starts babbling, "heey how's your love life?" -"I had a couple of girls lately but i'm alone now, blabal", -"ooooh, me, i'm so sad, i'm looking for real love, i'm tired of guys who only have me as their second...blabla" (WTF that's pure sh*t isn't it?) so I say "hey, it's friday night! don't talk about that, let's go somewhere else, get another drink, dance..."
In the meantime the guy from last week appears, she chats a bit with him, again I pretend not to care, nothing happens between them, she comes back to me, and wants to play a game. Wants me to pick a girl and she'll go talk to her to hook her up with me (WTF kind of sh*t game is that??)
I say "hey, X, you're the most beautiful girl here, I want you, blabla" and she goes "oh no! I wat you as a friend, blabla" (F*ck's sake!!)
Again I pretend not to care, but I can't help being colder, talking to other people, etc. Then she wants to go outside to follow the other guy... but wants to take me with her, grabbing my hand (WTF!?!?)... I just plain got released of her grab and let her go. Then she comes back... I'm already with some other people... then she goes again to "say goodbye to (the other guy)" then comes back, asks again "so what you're gonna do now?" which means "drive me home", again I pretended not to give a f*ck and she left alone.

OK, WTF was that!?? She asked me out only because she needed some excuse to go out and come across the other guy? Is it possible that such an innocent nice (or so I thought) girl would want to manipulate me in such a way?
In the night, why the hell did she grab me to go with her to be with him?
All the sh*t and games were a bad case of the bullsh*t tests I've read about but never actually saw in such scale, werent they?
The "pick a girl" game, WTF was that? Did you guys ever see something like that? Was she feeling guilty to go away with the other guy so she wanted to "give me something in return"?
Was there some attraction to me or she just pretended?

Now what? What i've planned is not to give a sh*t about her anymore (but be very friendly if I come across her by chance, of course).

Thanks guys.

 

[sexysuave]

Dude, this is painfull to read, LOL what the F*CK man!! haha common

I'm not sure if you're being for real or making sh*t up.. if this is serious, then why in the world you let ..that.... girl... treat you like that.. I mean, I dunno, start all over again, read the entire DJ bible and whatever else they have on this site and then come back.. this are not the one sentence answer questions you are lookign for here, this is some foundational stuff..

Also, if these 2 chicks are the only options you have in your small ass town, consider moving to a bigger city, and changing your attitude and being more of a man in the next city you go to.

 

[dronkitto]

Thanks dude! Yeah, this is 100% true.

As for the "why in the hell do you let her terat you like that"... d'you think letting her go without taking her home and not to care about her isn't enough? Should I let her know she's been a b*tch too? I think not
Or do you mean I shoul never have gone out with her?
Or do you mean at the first sign of sh*t to go away... or kiss her anyway (lol)?

As for the foundational stuff... believe me I'm on it... I've been reading that for a couple months now, I did sports but now also started gym, I know i'm cute (hey, I had this hot girl tell me she wouldn't believe I was with her cause i'm so hot/cute -sorry no accurate translation here-)...
Of course they're not the only girls I had or I'm after, there's enough... though I know I'm moving in a scene in which almost we all know each other. And I'm seriously starting to believe that these girls are all nuts. Groupies that would dump you at a second if some guy from a band would just say hi to them (hey that kind of **** even happened to me!). Most girls aren't that scene... most girls are at the disco/club kind of scene which i really hate.
But back to myself... I even play guitar though I'm not currently in a band, I'm interesting, got lots of interesting hobbies and sports, know a lot about stuff...
I'd say my only handicap is my age... I'm 30 now and this gal I'm talking about is 20... but hey, the last one I had (and recently) was 18 (lol).
It's got to be something so unconscious that scares them off (I've been told that I'm scary by girl friends but WTF!?? don't I sound like I'm in the nice guy side?) Dunno, the way I look, the way I speak... well... I'm on it. But I can't help thinking this is 90% their fault and they're all just nuts (at least in my scene/town). Thinking like that's not productive is it? but hey... sometimes I've gone out of town girls would jump on me!

Whatever... thanks for reading... at least it helps writing this out!