did I f*ck up?

[tosh]

Got a girl's number. Waited 4 days and then instead of calling I chickened out and sent her a text (yeah, stupid).

Send something like "Let's have lunch friday. Do you prefer Chinese or Mexican?"

Texting was a bit weak. I ****ed it up didn't I? If I don't get a reply, what's my strategy for a follow-up phone call?

You DJs gotta help an AFC!

 

[LiveStrong]

no you havent quite ****ed up yet....it really doesnt sound like a bad text either.....if you dont get a response i personally wouldnt bother her anymore...i mean if she cant even text you back than it sounds like she isn't interested....if you really feel that you must give her another shot..i would wait a week and this time call if she doesnt answer leave her a message...dont expect her to return ur call...at this point you should have low expectations for this her, you see she's the type of girl that i like to call in the transition phase..between forgetting about her and giving her one last shot. When you call dont sound eager or even upset about the text..simply invite her to lunch ask if she'd care to join you...if you two go to lunch don't pay for her ****. Dont let this chick hold any power over you. You see most woman in the transition phase don't realize where they stand...they think because they ignored you the first time..and yet you continue to pursue them, then they have power over you. Usually, woman in this situation will just end up trying to use you for lunch or some ****. Thats why if you end up going to lunch together don't pay for her ****. Don't give her anymore reasons to squeeze your balls.

Respect

 

[Jariel]

Nothing wrong with what you did EXCEPT worrying about it. You played it casually, so you have no worry of freaking her out and you were straight to the point. If she doesn't respond soon, keep in mind that SHE might be playing cool too, so don't get stressed.

As Livestrong said, try again in a week if you hear nothing, just in case she didn't get the text or was having a bad week or whatever. Just don't get into the habit of thinking you ruined your chances by saying/doing something wrong. If a girl rejects you for texting instead of calling, she's way too fussy/demanding!

 

[flexion_]

SMS and e-mail is pretty much a normal part of culture now. I don't think you did anything wrong.

Just don't make it a habit of SMS'ing.

 

[stalluproar]

Text or no text, you already dug your grave. If there was any chance that was a mistake, the text sealed your tomb.

It should never come up to give a girl a choice where to go. Maybe after you have built enough comfort over time that can come up. The frame here is the same as every other needy guy that hit on her. Giving her options like she is the prize. Tell her you are going to be in xx area and want to check out yy shop/store, and she should join you. Be congruent with it and you should have no problem getting dates that stick.

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by stalluproar
Text or no text, you already dug your grave. If there was any chance that was a mistake, the text sealed your tomb.

It should never come up to give a girl a choice where to go. Maybe after you have built enough comfort over time that can come up. The frame here is the same as every other needy guy that hit on her. Giving her options like she is the prize.

I think you're being a bit harsh, to tell the truth. Texting was probably not the best option; a call definitely would have been better. But it was pretty confident. He acted as though she would of course accept, and he asked her a very black and white question. I don't really think you ****ed up, just next time call her instead of texting her.

 

[n00bPimp]

Txt is the worst way to ask a girl out.
Phone is better, because on the phone u can use a strategy. This is the one I like to use:
"So what are u doing tonight?'
her: "nothing/ wutever, wut about u?"
"im taking you out"
This line is the more effective than plainly asking her to go somewhere.

 

[tosh]

guys... thanks a million for your responses. It's cool that you took the time to help a guy out with your opinions.

Perhaps the text wasn't as bad as I thought so I'll just wait for a reply and as suggested give her a call to follow it up in a couple of days. She's a bartender so probably a tough sell anyway.

So it's not worth calling back tomorrow and reiterating the offer for lunch friday? I should just wait till next week and then try a final call?

Thanks again.

 

[tosh]

Not to be pessimistic but looking ahead and assuming this goes nowhere...

... don't you 'experts' ever feel like dropping a rant text message or voicemail to the woman to tell her to stop giving out their number if she's never going to answer?

I mean what the **** is the point?

I guess you guys don't let it get to you?

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by tosh

So it's not worth calling back tomorrow and reiterating the offer for lunch friday? I should just wait till next week and then try a final call?

Thanks again.

At this point I would not recommend calling her. You've already texted her so calling her would seem a bit redundant, possibly even desperate.

 

[tosh]

Right. Thanks. **** it, the ball is in her court now.

If I don't get a call, I will call another girl instead who is a sure thing (even though she's not nearly as nice) and forget about it for a week.

The thought had just crossed my mind that perhaps text messages don't always go through? I don't know much about it - probably just wishful thinking.

 

[##17]

Well, I'm going to be blunt and give you my observations.

You texted her because you `chickened out' (your words). So it probably was clear from the beginning that she `owned' you. So for that reason, she probably wasn't that into you. So I just cannot see her feeling compelled to take the initiative of going through her schedule, thinking about what she wants for lunch tomorrow, and then finding the time and energy to meet with you. So she probably won't return your text.

On the other hand, if you had gotten her on the phone and handled your end of the conversation well, or if you had left her a good phone message, she might have found herself really looking forward to lunch with you. You see, a lively voice with powerful tonality conveys so much more than a text message, and so there's a much better chance that she'd call back. She would have much more to go by, make sense?


If you don't hear back from her, you can try her again next week. If you don't see her in person, use the phone this time, won't you? And in the meanwhile, read the DJ guide.


EDIT: I read some of the other posts here. Guys have to realize--girls give out their number to a guy because when he asked, they realized that they wouldn't mind talking to him again if he's willing to put in the effort. I'm not sure how much giving out her number commits her to going out on a date with a guy. On the other hand, I do think that if a girl lets a guy buy her dinner, it really should mean that she is interested and available.

 

[tosh]

I think the best option would have been to just set a date in person. I know where this girl works every night (bar). I should have just not used her number and 2 weeks later showed up there with friends (girls even).

She would have wondered why I hadn't called and then I would have been able to use my live presence to close the deal.

That would have been 100x better. Well, live and learn I guess.

 

[heater528]

I ended up texting my current girlfriend 2 days after we met. Didnt screw anything up, we are still going strong 4 months later. I think to many people are so set on how a donjuan is supposed to do things that they outthink themselves. If your not needy, clingy or supplicating you can pretty much do things whatever way you want to. Text her, email her, AIM her, yell down the street... it doesnt matter as long as your having fun

 

[tosh]

UPDATE:

Crisis temporarily avoided. She's texted back.