Did I do good or mess up?

jnMissouri

Senior Don Juan
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#1
Girl I'm dating has game. Two steps forward one back. If you chart our interactions, it's a steady pattern. Things escalate, then come down a nudge, the escalate above the last point, then down a notch. She knows how to keep the tension and not be too eager, moving forward but then adding some uncertainty with just enough hope to keep me at her (and when she does it it's so obvious she is playing hard to get).

So when I asked her out for a second date (she had agreed to cook us dinner at the end of our first date) I was basically like hey, let's go see this great movie I have for us to watch. I'm free Saturday if that works, etc. Then to get her to stop playing hard to get every other time, I also texted her minutes after inviting her out this weekend that it's not a problem if she can't come, I would make other plans. English is her second language but I presume she understood the subtext...

Boom. I said it. Saying something similar worked well last time, but not sure about this time as I basically hinted I would go out with someone else. I can tell she is thinking about her response as she usually is fast to respond but she always takes a few hours when I pull away a little bit with comments like this.

So do you think I went too far or said the right thing? The goal was to nudge her into going out that day rather than thinking she has me and I'll chase her forever.

Let the cards fall where they may, I'll treat this like a learning experience either way. I feel tension right now and I'm betting ahe does too. I'm keeping the tension between us up. So did I do the right thing or mess up? If messed up, how to fix?

Will find out soon enough if I pulled away too much with that comment or not...
 

jnMissouri

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#2
I figured she would understand that I'm asking her because I want to go with her, that's why I'm asking her, but if she is too aloof I will make other plans. Not saying I'd move on, just that I'd make plans for this weekend, maybe ask her out another time. I mean the girl was going to cook us dinner after our first date. She was the one who gave me her number, pursued me initially. I think there is high interest.
 

samspade

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#4
Two steps forward one back. If you chart our interactions, it's a steady pattern. Things escalate, then come down a nudge, the escalate above the last point, then down a notch. She knows how to keep the tension and not be too eager, moving forward but then adding some uncertainty with just enough hope to keep me at her (and when she does it it's so obvious she is playing hard to get).
^This should be her describing you, to her friends, more or less.

Then to get her to stop playing hard to get every other time, I also texted her minutes after inviting her out this weekend that it's not a problem if she can't come, I would make other plans. English is her second language but I presume she understood the subtext...


You may think you're pulling a DHV here, but you're doing the opposite. You're saying to her, "if you don't want to come, it's okay." It's equivocating. You should always know and tell yourself that it's okay and you'll have backup plans, but you don't need to verbalize that. It probably made her simultaneously think she wasn't a priority, and that you were expecting or are used to being flaked on (low value). I hope that makes sense.
 

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ohrein

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#7
Don't play games, that's a woman's strategy. Men are unapologetic and authentic. You invite her around to your house, the pretense is always understood. If she is not meeting your needs, you find other women. She should think you have options because you actually have options, not because you're playing games. You won't internalize an abundance mindset if you're faking options. You must actually have options.
 

jnMissouri

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#8
^This should be her describing you, to her friends, more or less.

Then to get her to stop playing hard to get every other time, I also texted her minutes after inviting her out this weekend that it's not a problem if she can't come, I would make other plans. English is her second language but I presume she understood the subtext...


You may think you're pulling a DHV here, but you're doing the opposite. You're saying to her, "if you don't want to come, it's okay." It's equivocating. You should always know and tell yourself that it's okay and you'll have backup plans, but you don't need to verbalize that. It probably made her simultaneously think she wasn't a priority, and that you were expecting or are used to being flaked on (low value). I hope that makes sense.
It could go either way. Like I said I used a similar tactic on her once and it worked. Not as big a tactic as this time but same thing, showing willingness to walk away.

I do see your point though. Maybe if I don't hear back from her I should send her a note that I didn't mean to sound so nonchalant and that I want to spend time with her to get to know her and that I want her to come.

Then again maybe that releases the tension...I might be better off leaving it. We are all just guessing right now.
 

jnMissouri

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#9
Don't play games, that's a woman's strategy. Men are unapologetic and authentic. You invite her around to your house, the pretense is always understood. If she is not meeting your needs, you find other women. She should think you have options because you actually have options, not because you're playing games. You won't internalize an abundance mindset if you're faking options. You must actually have options.
I am dating four women....I'm not faking it.
 
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jnMissouri

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#11
Really? So why the antics? If you are dating 4 women then you don't have to fake it, it shows in how you carry yourself
Whatever...that sounds great in your head but isn't the reality of the world. It doesn't show. That's an assumption. Thanks anyways.
 

jnMissouri

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#12
My options ar this point are to leave the tension and wait for her to respond...

Or....

Tell her I didn't mean to sound like i don't care is she meets me or not. That she is interesting to me and I'm trying to get to know her better.

She always responds within 3 to 4 hours so if i don't hear from her tonight, I might just text her tomorrow and say that to cut the bs.
 

samspade

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#13
It could go either way. Like I said I used a similar tactic on her once and it worked. Not as big a tactic as this time but same thing, showing willingness to walk away.

I do see your point though. Maybe if I don't hear back from her I should send her a note that I didn't mean to sound so nonchalant and that I want to spend time with her to get to know her and that I want her to come.

Then again maybe that releases the tension...I might be better off leaving it. We are all just guessing right now.
Showing a willingness to walk away? You're playing the wrong cards, bro. What you're referencing is a mindset for when things go south, she disrespects you, etc. This is you trying to set a date.

And don't send her a follow up to a follow up. You've already vacillated. And yeah like @billtx49 said you shouldn't have gone against the grain when she was supposedly interested in coming over to your place. You've got to get out of your own way here.

There is no "tension" based on what you did. When you do that, you're relieving the tension, i.e. making it easier for her to dismiss you.
 
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jnMissouri

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#16
I was going to get a DVD and watch at her place...;-)
Yeah, the girl who got my number from her friend, then used her friend to come talk to me when I stopped texting her trying to setup the first date because of similar issues, who agreed to cook me dinner at her place after our first date has low interest, lol. I think some guys have either poor reading comprehension here or don't understand that women don't just say yes to everything and jump right into bed. They play hard to get a little bit for a variety of reasons. Others saw that in other threads with more details. The reality of it is that when I chart our interactions, it's always up, then down a little bit, then up past the last high, then down just a little bit, then up past the last high again, etc. She always give me enough hope to keep me interested. If I disengage, she will usually come and use her friend to start a conversation, then she will come join the conversation and her friend will walk away within seconds.

I think I'll wait and if I don't hear back from her by tomorrow I'll tell her that I didn't mean to come across like that, that I'm interested in getting to know her better, and that I'd like her to meet up with me for a movie at her place this time. In some of the other threads where the naysayers claimed she has "low interest" etc. I decided to go with my own judgement because I know all of the details of the situation and have been in similar situations before, and I went with my own judgement then and it worked out. My own judgement got me this far with her.
 

samspade

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#17
Yeah, the girl who got my number from her friend, then used her friend to come talk to me when I stopped texting her trying to setup the first date because of similar issues, who agreed to cook me dinner at her place after our first date has low interest, lol. I think some guys have either poor reading comprehension here or don't understand that women don't just say yes to everything and jump right into bed. They play hard to get a little bit for a variety of reasons. Others saw that in other threads with more details. The reality of it is that when I chart our interactions, it's always up, then down a little bit, then up past the last high, then down just a little bit, then up past the last high again, etc. She always give me enough hope to keep me interested. If I disengage, she will usually come and use her friend to start a conversation, then she will come join the conversation and her friend will walk away within seconds.

I think I'll wait and if I don't hear back from her by tomorrow I'll tell her that I didn't mean to come across like that, that I'm interested in getting to know her better, and that I'd like her to meet up with me for a movie at her place this time. In some of the other threads where the naysayers claimed she has "low interest" etc. I decided to go with my own judgement because I know all of the details of the situation and have been in similar situations before, and I went with my own judgement then and it worked out. My own judgement got me this far with her.
What exactly is the problem you're posting about then, if her interest is so high? Sounds like you've got it all figured out.
 

backseatjuan

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#18
You can't play her man, she is not emotionally attached to you. She doesn't sound like a feminine girl, are you sure you want her? Because it doesn't seem like any of the bull sh1t we might use will work on her. Unless go along with her sh1t and fvck her, so long as you don't get invested with money into it, or emotionally. No date at her place, no cooking for you, drinks, and fun movie dinner drink sh1t at your place.

If anything else fails, do a surprise date for her, don't tell her, but take her to a museum for a boring date. I'd even leave her there and call it quits.
 

Glassguy

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#19
Women that have high enough interest that you can spin them as a plate (fvcking them consistently) do not "play hard to get". Low interest women show low interest and you perceive it as her playing "hard to get".

I basically hinted I would go out with someone else. I can tell she is thinking about her response as she usually is fast to respond but she always takes a few hours when I pull away a little bit with comments like this.
If you really had multiple options, you would have said nothing and just reached out to the next one. I dont think you actually do because the last thing I would do is give a chick an ultimatum. I would just pull back and meet up with another chick.

You're the dog that has to bark because you dont bite. You need to get out of your scarcity mindset.

The reason that I KNOW you have a scarcity mindset is because you came on here and started a thread about this ONE WOMAN.

You have a lot to learn but you're in the right place.
 

Glassguy

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#20
Whatever...that sounds great in your head but isn't the reality of the world. It doesn't show. That's an assumption. Thanks anyways.
It actually is reality. I am spinning 4 plates currently, banging them all. They ALL know that I am seeing other people without asking me directly. Its in my mentality and how I move and talk. Its a swagger if you will.

Antics are for losers who have to supplement the truth, which is they are not high enough value to do it on their own personality so they have to "trick" a woman. News flash- that doesnt work for very long, if at all.
 
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