Did I do anything wrong?

[AdamJ]

Firstly I’m not looking for a feel good answer. I want the truth.

Been with my girlfriend for over a year. Never cheated or even put myself in a situation to allow it to happen and have always expected the same.
My gf and I have an argument and it basically ends with me saying “screw this it’s over then”. She walks away. From this site and experience I know the best way to get over the end of a relationship and successfully go NC is to find another woman. So that night I head out with my friends and kiss another girl in a club.

The next day we reconcile and then she asks if anything happened the night before. Not thinking I did anything wrong I tell her about the girl from the club since she specifically asked me if I got with anyone. She then goes absolutely insane. I have never seen my gf come anywhere near close to this level of rage/grief. Basically in “her eyes” we weren't broken up so this “feels” like I have cheated. She was also distraught that I was “able to move on so quickly”.

Now this may be a double standard but if the situation was reversed I wouldn’t take her back. I just think guys are built differently. I can hook up with a girl without feeling any emotions but if my gf behaved this way I would assume she never really cared to begin with. Most girls who actually love their bfs can’t just jump on another guy. But I think guys can still love their gfs after the end of a relationship and hook up with other people because we can separate sex from emotion.

Going back to the story, I let her leave and eventually she calmed down. She was still very upset but we’re back together and have agreed that we should have a “cooling off” period of at least a week in the event of another “breakup”. Basically we agreed that even if we end the relationship then neither of us should get with other people for that time.

TLDR: Broke up with gf. Immediately got with another girl. Get back with gf next day. She gets mad.

 

[Peña]

Going back to old girl? Yes

 

[Firestar786]

That'll teach her!

What was the argument about ?

 

[EvilSpirit22]

I did the same thing. On day 2 of my breakup I took a girl out for a long drive along with my gf's best friend (female). I kissed her in front of them and the next day my gf met me and cried and **** that I cheated on her but we got back eventually.

She always used this against me whenever we had a fight, and said yeah the guy who ****ed another girl is asking me to not talk to another guy. So yup your gf would use this against you every time.

You did a good job. Because we as men think that the breakup was final but these women are indecisive and nothing is final for them until they have decided it to be final.


You haven't done anything wrong, you made her realise that you can get any girl you want and if she ever leaves you, you're going to be fine without her.


You now have the upper hand in this relationship.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I think you did pretty well OP, but that 1 week treaty you have with her will likely be absolutely meaningless to her if it ever happens. If you break up and another branch is within her reach she'll swing to it without a second thought and then rationalize it, unless she's a member of the 1% who understand honor. When a woman agrees to a "deal" of any kind she'll stick to it only if it's expedient to do so.

 

[RangerMIke]

You didn't do anything wrong. She asked you a question and you answered honestly.

 

[MOTU]

You didn't do anything wrong, but next time you might save yourself some grief by saying something like "yea I banged all the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Can you get me a glass of water, I am feeling dehydrated."

 

[Desdinova]

Basically in “her eyes” we weren't broken up so this “feels” like I have cheated.

You are NOT responsible for how she feels in this situation. You told her you were broken up, and she needs to realize that you were, even if it was just for one day. What you did during that time has nothing to do with your relationship.

She was also distraught that I was “able to move on so quickly”.

You basically told her that she's completely replaceable. Once she's done being all pissed off, perhaps she'll learn to cherish and treat you well. Hopefully she also learns that if she fvcks up again, she'll quickly be out the door.

 

[VladPatton]

Fvck her and her rules of conduct. Run. Run swiftly. Let the wind be your force!

 

[Meisterman]

I agree with Atom Smasher. I don't think she's 100% committed, but she wants to keep you around long enough before she finds someone better to monkey branch off to. So she's using you as a security blanket This doesn't mean it's even a conscious process that she's doing this. And it doesn't make her a bi*ch or slut either. It's just how girls operate.

But don't kid yourself and say that she would never monkey branch if she found someone better. So you should keep a similarly open mind with your options. I definitely do not advise cheating on her. But if you find being with her is taking away more happiness than it is giving you, then it's time to make a change and move on.

You have to look out for yourself first and foremost, and do what's in your best interest. Because I GUARANTEE your gf is looking out for herself first too. It just may be at the moment her best interest involves being with you. But that can, and is likely to change. And if she finds she is happier with someone else she would make that change in a heartbeat, so you have to be willing to do the same.

It's better for you to end it first if you feel the relationship is going downhill and you aren't happy with it anymore. Never "stick it out" and hang around when it's causing you problems. It will always come back to bite you.