Diary of an 18 year old virgin...

[es_mer8]

I'm new here so I'd like to take this first post to talk about my situation in dating or lack thereof.

I am 18 years old, going to graduate from High School in a week and a half and I still am a virgin. In fact, I've never been close to any girl at all. Let me tell my story.

My current situation is that girls treat me like I got SARS. While my friends are landing attractive girlfriends, I often have to be the 3rd wheel if I'm hanging out with them because I have nobody. Its almost uncanny how a girl will talk to all my friends and completely avoid me. I used to be very shy to girls until a few months ago when I realized, "Do you know what? F*** it, I'm tired of being a loser and I'll never get into a relationship at this pace."

I started talking to girls but failed every time. I was still rather shy so if my friends were talking to girls, I talked as much as my friends, often times to girls. They'd do two things: a) look at me but completely ignore my comments that I'd make to them or b) quickly rush whatever small conversation there was to talk to other people. It'd really piss me off. One day I asked my friend who I'd consider a DJ to ask the girls that ignored or rushed my comments what they had against me. He agreed. After asking them, he said they have no problem with me. WTF? Why the hell were they avoiding every word I said?

I started to look at myself. Women are important to me but I'm not willing to devote my time to them. I'm a physics class that is filled to the brim with hot girls. My friends are there too and they'd talk while often times I tried to get an assignment done so I'd sit alone getting that done. I'm not sure how that damaged my position but IMO, its real bothersome. A while ago, this one girl got a new cell phone and a new number and handed her number out to all my friends...except me. I was really pissed about that and I was about to ask why she didn't give me one but I just sat back and did nothing. Obviously there is something wrong here.

I read the DJ Bible and while its good to a tee, a lot of this stuff I've already tried to absolutely no avail. I'm still in HS and work too much outside of school to really go out much. I started to pinpoint my problems but I have problems getting there:

1) Weight. I'm 5'11 and 250 pounds. I'm not obese, I used to lift weights a lot and I have very little fat (according to a body fat test I took) on my legs and arms. Yet to say I'm not fat is a blatant lie. I try to lose weight but I seriously have the worst metabolism in the world. Last week I cut down on eating to just three meals and they would all be healthy. Lost 5 pounds down to about 245. By the end of the weekend without really changing my diet except for a bowl of ice cream on Sunday, I managed to go back up to 248 when I weighed myself. I blame a lot of the problem on the severe lack of food at my house. For breakfast, I have a glass of Carnation Instant Breakfast and a multivitamin. Since there is nothing in my house, I have to resort to eating peanut butter on toast or Corn Pops in the morning. For lunch, I'm at school all day so I have to subjugate myself to eating absolute **** food. Whenever I'm working, there is nothing to eat except for junk food. I see very much why I'm not getting down to a desirable weight of 185-205 (or more as long as its muscle and not fat) but theres little I can do.

2) Clothes. I got a lot of bills to pay. My parents hound my ass for spending $5 at Subway instead of putting it towards college. As a result, my clothes are often 4-5 years old outside of shirts I got when I was in football. I want to get new clothes but what do you do when you have little to no money? I have a nice stash of videogames, I'm considering selling it all off (worth probably $500 or so) just to get a nice wardrobe I can be satisfied with.

3) Reputation. I got a lot of friends. However in 10th grade when all my friends were talking about beating off, they all denied it except me. People thought that was amazing and told everybody. By the end of the week I said it, I had a rep as a chronic masturbator. I tried to deny it but it did no good. Girls didn't like me beforehand. I'm not sure how my rep went but I was often played off as a dateless loser by my friends. We **** around and stuff but often times others, namely girls, don't get it. It doesn't help either when my friends try setting me up but do it in a manner that I'm almost played off as a joke. I called my friends out on it and claimed they were just playing around and they're sure that girls don't think any less of me because of it. I'm not sure if they think of me as the loser who spends lonely nights beating off but I doubt its helped me any.

4) Nice. I barely talk to girls, with the guys I probably swear more than they do and I've rarely shown any sign of being nice yet when guys ask girls why they don't talk to me (other than that one time, I've never asked my friends to do this) they always say I'm nice. How the freaking **** am I nice?

Anyway, I'm going to end this with a question. Given the fact that my HS career is damn near over, should I try to talk to girls from my HS during the summer to date and inevitably bang? Or should I just give up on the girls there and start fresh when I go to college? Thanks in advance.

 

[htemorp]

You got more than just few issues. High school ain't for everyone, but for those that didn't do shiet in high school, sometime they are way better off than those that did. When you were so "cool" for so long, once u step in the real world you can't take it. Just keep your head up, things will look up. Work on bettering yourself, you sound like you have esteem issues.

 

[HBK]

hey es_mer welcome to the boards!

You seem to be pretty down about the whole thing, when you shouldnt. This site should help you alot if you want it to. For now though i think what you should do for the summer is simply " trial and error" chat to as many girls as you can, who cares if you get rejected. Listening to them is very important,maintain eyecontact and remember your the prize here not them. Im not trying to sound like an Ad on tv (THIS STUFF WORKS!!!!)

For the summer you'll probably be working right, well then you'll have money. Buy clothes and work out a bit , be able to leave the house and say to yourself "im $hit hot". Its a matter of the way people see you. If girls see you there standing looking pissed of and grumpy anxious who's going to bother with you ?????

For the summer and beyond ,start going out and HAVING FUN! dont take things seriously when you go out on the town, remember that you worked hard for the money you earned why blow it and come home and say "same old $hit" . When people see that your a fun guy they will be attracted to you naturally. Dont follow your friends around wating for scraps thrown to you. Take control of your life NOW DAMMIT! let people say where is" where ises_mer" "o i wish he was here" "hes a good laugh"

neway best of luck and stuff

 

[es_mer8]

hey es_mer welcome to the boards!

Thanks!

I may as well do the trial and error method because I guess the way I see it is that I got nothing to lose. A lot of those girls I mentioned are going into the same college as I am but that doesn't necessarily mean I have to be associated with them. I guess I could for a lack of better terms, use them as testing the waters for different methods. I'm also taking DIESEL's approach on cutting up and I hope to get very good results out of it by the time I go to college, which I got a long road ahead of me going by how much I have left to go.

I should probably get rid of my Xbox and my games but I can't find myself motivated enough to but I need the cash.

 

[Shiftkey]

1) Weight

So you try losing weight for 1 week, don't lose as much as you want, so you give up?? Maintaining a desirable weight is something that takes a LIFE LONG commitment. This is the biggest mistake fat people make - they think they can lose the weight and then go back to their old habbits that made them fat in the first place. Don't blame it on metabolism because YOU determine your metabolism by your diet and activity level. Don't blame it on genetics either - there's no way 60% of the American population (this many are fat now..) has bad genetics. The only thing you should blame it on is your lack of determination and discipline.

Luckily though, you can change that.

Start by getting your parents involved since they supply your food. You said you don't have enough food in the house? Tell them you want to start eating healthier and supply them with a shopping list the next time they go to the grocery store. If they say they don't want to spend more money, explain to them that you won't be eating all the junk food you used to eat so this new food is replacing the cost. If they give you funny looks and ask why you're doing this (expect this :/ ), just shrug it off and ask them "why not?" Don't let anyone discourage you from your goals.

Are you going to a gym? Do DIESEL's cutting plan from the health and fitness forum.

Write out a goal and tape it to your door so you can see it every day.

2) Clothes

You're 18 right? That means you're an adult. If you have a job (you DO have a job right??) you can spend your money on whatever the fvck you want. If your parents question your spending money on clothes, tell them exactly what you told us. Your clothes are 4-5 years old and you need new ones. Selling your video games isn't a bad idea either if you're willing to do that.

3) Reputation

High school is almost over anyway. Once you go to college you'll be able to start your reputation over again (assuming you even get a reputation). But this time be more careful what you say and do. At my college, people are a lot more impersonal so people don't really get reputations at all.

Your reputation with your friends is another matter. That's only going to change when you start showing more and more success (weight loss, girls, etc). Or if you get new friends.

4) Nice

When a woman says you're nice, it doesn't necessarily mean you're nice. It's ******** for "I'm not attracted to you and I think you're boring." This will change after you start losing weight, get better clothes, and start improving your self esteem issues. It won't happen over night, but one day you'll look back at high school and think "what they hell was I thinking back then? I'm so different now." Myself, I'm amazed at how different I am than in high school. It was only 2 years ago, but it feels like 20.

 

[es_mer8]

You said you don't have enough food in the house? Tell them you want to start eating healthier and supply them with a shopping list the next time they go to the grocery store

I told my mom this and she explains how healthier food is so much more and all that. My dad used to be a bodybuilder and won many contests so he's lived the lifestyle of healthy living. I compromised with her. I told her she gets some items and I pay for some. I'm not the only child in this house as I have a sister who I'd consider to be obese. Taking her food away is like taking p*ssy away from us guys as it already happened. Too bad because the temptation to eat Ice Cream instead of green beans will be there.

Do DIESEL's cutting plan from the health and fitness forum.

I read it and I'm going to follow his cutting program. I want to get buff but I want to lose weight more. I'll get cut first and then I'll get buff. I think thats what he recommends as well.

You're 18 right? That means you're an adult. If you have a job (you DO have a job right??) you can spend your money on whatever the fvck you want. If your parents question your spending money on clothes, tell them exactly what you told us. Your clothes are 4-5 years old and you need new ones. Selling your video games isn't a bad idea either if you're willing to do that.

I don't want to exactly do what the fvck I want as I do want to save up some money for college but I see what you're saying. I want to get rid of my games because:

1) They accomplish absolutely nothing. If you beat a game, all you achieved is wasting time. Unless its with friends but my friends barely play games themselves anymore.

2) Loserish. I know I should do what I want but lets be honest; there is better ways to spend my time than sitting on my ass playing games.

3) Money. I will probably use that money to get clothes. I want to get about 5 shirts, 4 pairs of pants, and some new shoes. I think thats a worthwhile investment in a way as opposed to a bunch of games sitting around being unplayed.

Or if you get new friends.

I hang out with the popular crowd so I'd only go down. Most of the people in my school are far from DJs and these guys are the only thing close to getting the attractive ladies. I think that if I do show signs of success in terms of my life, they won't do that. Most of the time they are pretty cool but I'm sure it has achieved some sort of damage.

When a woman says you're nice, it doesn't necessarily mean you're nice. It's ******** for "I'm not attracted to you and I think you're boring."

Thats what I thought

This will change after you start losing weight, get better clothes, and start improving your self esteem issues

Thats what I'm hoping for. I'm fairly confident but losing weight and getting better clothes will definitely improve on it.

It won't happen over night, but one day you'll look back at high school and think "what they hell was I thinking back then? I'm so different now." Myself, I'm amazed at how different I am than in high school. It was only 2 years ago, but it feels like 20.

I know that. Going by DIESEL's calculations, I got a loooooong ways to go to achieve just getting my weight down let alone getting buff or anything. I'm starting to make changes. First, I shave my head as it gives me a more assertive look. I don't expect a complete transformation until probably the same time next year at the minimum. I'm going to work hard.

 

[Mukester]

About the clothes thing-
Theres a guy on my campus at college who buys all his stuff from charity shops + second hand shops etc...i know i costs him f*** all because were students.....

...to quote the handle of a DJ member on this board- he actually looks 'So Pimp its Scary'! The girls he hangs with must think so too. He has great style (and at a decent price!)

...Oh yeah and about the weight thing?
Join a gym and turn/tone your bulk into muscle- if your beefy you have a great base for weights (im skinny as f*** ) - though other DJ'ers will be able to clarify on this a bit more as best/optimal weight regimes/workouts varie between physical body shapes.

Best
M

 

[One on One]

Don't worry about high school. High school is for chumps...it's so cliqish and you'll find that the popular dudes are lost when they go into the real world. Actually, my college is like that too because it's a small school. I've been through some hard times and some ****ed up ****, though, and I like it that way because it's easier to take **** that way. You just get an attitude that you don't give a **** while the other dudes that were always cool and popular get a wake-up call. I know this advice won't help you now, but it's something to think about.

 

[Shiftkey]

Or if you get new friends.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hang out with the popular crowd so I'd only go down. Most of the people in my school are far from DJs and these guys are the only thing close to getting the attractive ladies. I think that if I do show signs of success in terms of my life, they won't do that. Most of the time they are pretty cool but I'm sure it has achieved some sort of damage.

I really meant when you get in college. Aren't you graduating from high school soon? The social dynamics are very different in college than in high school. There is no such thing as "the popular crowd."

 

[Jasmine]

Hey,

I think it has all been said, but I have one more point: I think that what other people think of you determines your life to a scary degree.

A lot of change has to happen in your life before you are going to mbe truely happy. As someone else mentioned, the minute you can walk out of the house thinking 'I am hot Sh!t', is the moment that you'll know it's only your opinion of yourself that matters in your life. As soon as you have that, the world will be yours.

Good luck in your life after high school.... you have some major learning curves ahead of you.

Jas

 

[es_mer8]

I think that what other people think of you determines your life to a scary degree.

A scary degree? What do you mean?

Aren't you graduating from high school soon? The social dynamics are very different in college than in high school. There is no such thing as "the popular crowd."

Yeah, I am graduating from HS here soon, May 25 to be exact. About the popular crowd, thats good and I fully intend to take advantage of the situation of a whole new playing field. Instead of staying back, I may as well dive in...to the poon!

High school is for chumps...it's so cliqish

I hear you on that but right now, I'm still in HS and I'm still not getting girls. I have pretty much stopped hope that I will get girls now from HS in school. However I am going to talk to them and maybe go out with them or whatever just to try out different things before college. I just want college is to be a damn near polar opposite of what happened to me in HS.

Join a gym and turn/tone your bulk into muscle- if your beefy you have a great base for weights

My school has a great gym thats on par with many decent paying gyms (mostly due to this rich bastard donated $10k to the school for the weightroom specifically) so I intend to work out there and I have since 2nd semester of my 9th grade. In 10th grade I started to get serious about it but slacked off. I got the body physique to really become powerfully strong but I got to start from a low spot it seems.

 

[regulus]

Originally posted by Shiftkey
I really meant when you get in college. Aren't you graduating from high school soon? The social dynamics are very different in college than in high school. There is no such thing as "the popular crowd."

contrary to what everyone says, college can be jsut like high school if you're a minority at your college. whether it be race, religion, or socioeconomic class, you'll all be around each other more and things will get cliquish

 

[es_mer8]

Update: With those girls, today I decided to grow a pair and just go up to what IMO is the hottest one, maybe an 8-8.5 (5 being average) and I talked to her about how physics sucked (it did so there was no shortage there) and I worked on a lab with my friends. She looked at me. I looked back with eye contact and smiled. She responded well by waving back. I was already thanking this board for how great it was in my mind. Afterwards I talked to her about other stuff mostly with graduation and prom and all that. She seemed to smile a lot and laughed a few times. I was about ready to ask for her number but I figured if I do that, she'd see right through me and there'd be no chance of any. I said, "We should hang out sometime after we graduate" and she said, "Yeah, I'd like to do that with you." I guess later she told her friends that she was surprised that I talked to her and she wondered why I never talked to her in the first place. Then her friends told my friends and I got the word.

Which pisses me off because I had a chance earlier this year and didn't seize it. Well, I'll try and get her number. I'm going to mack on all of the girls I see; one today was fine enough so thanks for the tips so far. Growing a pair helps.

 

[Eternal]

It was said best in Vice City: You got big cajones. Congratulations on actaully talking to her! No, that was not sarcasm. This is sarcasm: You mean you didn't ask her to come over and study your anotomy? Geez, what's wrong with you?

 

[Mukester]

Great stuff! Guess what?? --You are 18!! You have time to develop all your techniques and approaches...be glad you found this site before you were 40!!

-Anyway-

RE the Gym: Man you always gotta start from the bottom no matter who you are. It is easy to give up so get a gym partner if youre new to it---SOMEONE DETERMINED WITH SAME PHYSIQUE AS YOU WOULD BE BEST. I am really skinny so maintaing the physique i have earnt from sweat and toil is an uphill struggle....however this is the very core that sets you apart from the other guys (AFC's and people who hate gyms/discipline) --DETERMINATION TO IMPROVE.

Good Luck!

 

[Zoso]

Update: With those girls, today I decided to grow a pair and just go up to what IMO is the hottest one, maybe an 8-8.5 (5 being average) and I talked to her about how physics sucked (it did so there was no shortage there) and I worked on a lab with my friends. She looked at me. I looked back with eye contact and smiled. She responded well by waving back. I was already thanking this board for how great it was in my mind. Afterwards I talked to her about other stuff mostly with graduation and prom and all that. She seemed to smile a lot and laughed a few times. I was about ready to ask for her number but I figured if I do that, she'd see right through me and there'd be no chance of any. I said, "We should hang out sometime after we graduate" and she said, "Yeah, I'd like to do that with you." I guess later she told her friends that she was surprised that I talked to her and she wondered why I never talked to her in the first place. Then her friends told my friends and I got the word.

Awesome, good job man. I find this very inspiring... It's nice to read about people making progress, it helps keep me motivated.

 

[BGMan]

Hey Es_Mer8,

High school sucks for many people. But when you get to college, things should be different.

Also, remember that usually, if a single girl likes you, she will NOT talk to you if you or she (or both of you) are among friends; and this generally continues unless she either hooks up with you or loses interest. The reason being, she doesn't want you to think of HER as just another friend. It's crazy, but it's true.

Just a hint.

BGMan

 

[Matt Rogers]

Elaborate BG man. Why would she think that just because you or her is with friends that you view her as the same.

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Elaborate BG man. Why would she think that just because you or her is with friends that you view her as the same.

I don't quite follow, but if I'm reading you right, it's partially what I said (she doesn't want you to talk to her the same way you talk to all your friends). Another reason I didn't mention before is this: if a girl likes you, she'll talk in a manner different than she would normally, and if she's shy (and most girls are to some extent), she's afraid that her friends will sense that she's into you and rot and gossip about her (girls do that a lot, ya know. ) After all, girls have that sixth sense!

BGMan

 

[es_mer8]

RE: RE the Gym: I've been lifting since I was about 15 but back then it was about two things: achieving a monster squat max and achieving a monster bench max. I achieved both since I have truly big bones (not just an excuse of being fat) but now I'm into sculpting a great physique. However to me, cutting up is my first priority since you can still get the ladies with a skinny although toned body. Afterwards, I will bulk up. I have several lifting partners. I'm most likely going to lift 4 days a week and then on the 5th day do various stuff like some cardio, some situps, and all that.

Awesome, good job man. I find this very inspiring... It's nice to read about people making progress, it helps keep me motivated.

Thanks to you and everyone who congratulated me or encouraged me. Going by how she talked to her friends, I'm going to try and get her digits tomorrow. Prom in my HS is this weekend so Saturday's out; it won't be then unless its Friday to do anything. Anyway, I find this news inspiring as well because it makes me realize how many girls out there that I could talk to that I didn't before. I don't regret it in a way I guess but its better late than never.