diarhea of the mouth

[shaken_not_stirred]

ok, i'm frustrated. i have a friend who is about 31 and single who i go out with sometimes to meet chics. i'm 26, similar level appearance-wise, if anything better physique...i work hard in the gym. we both dress similarly (yes, i know these are less important factors).

the thing is, when we go out, he gets the majority of attention. its pissin me off so much. last week, this attractive girl we've been hangin out with says she needs to ask me a serious question. then proceeds to ask me if he's "available". i'm tired of this shvt. i can't figure out what i'm doing wrong.

my friend is more extraverted than me. he tends to have diarhea of the mouth. whereas i have more of an introverted side to me... actually think about what i'm saying too often. he talks so much he says stupid crap sometimes and goes so far as to tell girls what brand of jeans he's wearing... who does this? when he tries to be funny sometimes its just so cheesy its almost like he's trying too hard. anyways, some of his behavior such as that seems almost AFC to me, but what does it matter, i'm feeling like the AFC by the end of the night.

i'm guessing that all his rambling actually makes girls feel more comfortable. i've been trying to watch his body language to see if there is something he is doing there. i just don't get it. i honestly "feel" like i have more game than him, but the results do not back that up. then i start to see that, get discouraged, and just let him do his thing.

i'm working on being more extroverted, but sometimes it seems like there is only so much you can do within your personality. i can't really get to the point where i'm volunteering pointless shvt to girls like what brand of jeans i have on.

anyways, i'm frustrated sarging with him because i'm constantly ending up as the third wheel. thats not alpha male by any means. perhaps i need to go out sarging with friends who i feel have less game than me. i have a friend who would be perfect for this except i think he tends to scare off girls he is so bad socially with them. at least it would build my confidence up though.


i know that i'm probably the best one to analyze the situation i'm in, but i'm frustrated. any guesses as to what i could be doing wrong?

 

[Bradshaw]

I will make this as simple as possible:

Where your focus is: on some other guy.
Where your focus should be: you.


I honestly can't remember a third of the sh1t that I say to girls in a bar. I have a 'friend' who remembers damn near every word I say in a bar. He repeats what I say to other people (and takes it of context so that I look bad). Nobody should focus their attention on if your 'friend' mentioned which brand of jeans he had on.

It sounds to me that your friend is doing everything he should be (enjoying himself, not overthinking, etc) and you are spending your time not on improving yourself, but on trying to bring him down. Every point you made in your post about yourself, had something in it that you compared to your friend. Why the need for comparison?

 

[Alphathree]

You're never going to beat him by copying him. Telling a girl what brand of jeans you're wearing is random and authentic -- it was probably just what was on his mind at the moment. It's not ego based because no one gives a crap, really, what brand of jeans you're wearing. It's not at all like saying "I drive a mercedes." It's just fun. Besides, women love talking about clothing.

Look, I know this guy who is a total jerk off that no one likes to be around -- not even women who know him. He's super insecure, very fickle, always talking about himself, NEVER lets other people talk, ALWAYS talks about how he's superior, tries to one-up people.

He'll never have a quality girlfriend or a quality girl for any length of time. BUT he scores makeouts and hands-down-the-pants in clubs ALL THE TIME because the man is fearless. He'll just approach women anywhere, anytime, and say anything to make them laugh.

He looks like a dumbass to me. And women eventually figure out that he _IS_ a dumbass. But his short term success is very good.

Now if I had to go "head to head" with this guy, he'd be making out with girls left and right, and I might be busy getting the numbers of one or two that I thought were worthy. To watch us, you'd say that he was king.

But my game is entirely different than his, and if I were to try to add his strategy to it, I'd be worthless.

 

[shaken_not_stirred]

good points guys. i am focussing to much on comparison. i just get discouraged quickly when i start to feel like the sideshow. then its all downhill cause i sorta shutdown. do you find it difficult to sarge with someone who is more outgoing, extraverted than yourself?

...and yes, i need to stop worrying about who's getting the attention...and just have fun...results don't mean shvt.

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by shaken_not_stirred


anyways, i'm frustrated sarging with him because i'm constantly ending up as the third wheel. thats not alpha male by any means. perhaps i need to go out sarging with friends who i feel have less game than me. i have a friend who would be perfect for this except i think he tends to scare off girls he is so bad socially with them. at least it would build my confidence up though.

I don't think this is a very good idea. Girls tend to "judge" you on the people you hang out with. If you hang out with insecure "losers" (their opinion, this guy might be great) they will automatically assign you to that same group.
Uncool people who hang out with cool people are also being somewhat associated with that "cool-group". I find it easier to get success with girls when I'm with people who are laidback and cool and know their way around women, than if i hang with my friends that have equal skills as me...It's all about status and who you know.

 

[Bradshaw]

Originally posted by shaken_not_stirred
good points guys. i am focussing to much on comparison. i just get discouraged quickly when i start to feel like the sideshow. then its all downhill cause i sorta shutdown. do you find it difficult to sarge with someone who is more outgoing, extraverted than yourself?

...and yes, i need to stop worrying about who's getting the attention...and just have fun...results don't mean shvt.

David DeAngelo says that the best thing that you can do to improve your game is to make friends with at least 5 other guys who are more skilled with women than you are. He says that on your nights out with them, that you should see it as a 'night off' for you, and that you should just watch and learn. He even says that this is more important than anything he could teach you.

I agree with this. You can learn a lot from just being around other skilled people. Think about learning styles - specifically Explicit vs. Implicit learning styles. Explicit (this website) will formally teach you what to do. However you need to learn by being around people who are skilled and subconsiously (implicity) pick up their habits and skills to improve yourself.

An Example: You couldn't learn to be a great boxer by just reading stuff of a website. You would have to go to a gym with other boxers and observe them, learn from them, pick up their sense of timing, etc.

The next time you are out with this guy, write down 3 habits that he does that contribute to his succuess with women. Then see if you can make these habits your own. Focus your attention on how much being around this guy will improve your skill with women. Enjoy going out with him and observing.

Look on the bright side. You already have 1 of the 5 guys that you will need to befriend to make your skill level top notch. Think about how good that you will be by the time you are his age. I can guarentee that if you apply yourself you will be much better.

 

[GSXR600]

I would stop bein a player hater, and work on your game. .:moon:

 

[shaken_not_stirred]

thanks guys. good points. i needed an attitude check. i will look at things differently next time i go out...

 

[penkitten]

dude, get a uglier friend to hang with.

 

[tao_jones]

I feel you, brother. Just following my divorce (aka release), I began to hang with an old friend who served more as a c*ckblocker than a wingman. I'm naturally kind of sparse with words, and he can barely shut up long enough to eat. I did largely what has been suggested by our fellow forumites, and focused on myself. Now, a few years later, almost all girls we meet together go after me. All this despite that he is 9" taller, has a Masters degree, and a black belt in Kenpo. I ALMOST feel bad for him ;o)

tao_jones
"Practice the wu wei of the woo way."

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by penkitten
dude, get a uglier friend to hang with.

hahaha hey Penkitten,

isn't that a chick trick? Only women pull that sorta sh!t

Get the hot one away from her ugly friend, and she ain't so hot anymore.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
hahaha hey Penkitten,

isn't that a chick trick? Only women pull that sorta sh!t

Get the hot one away from her ugly friend, and she ain't so hot anymore.

works on guys too im sure
get the hot one away from the bar and no one is hot anymore.

 

[S-lemond]

somes pm me and tell me what this thread says its to nasty to think about and read at the same time!

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

get the hot one away from the bar and no one is hot anymore.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! :crackup:

 

[SAYNO]

I have a friend like that he's real tall and the girls love him. Everywhere we go, someone is always trying to pick him up and doesnt have to say or do anything...

I've never ever not once tried to ****block him or player hate.

Some guys just have it, so, just learn what you can and elevate your game higher.



Sayno'