Well today I was officially diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. After over 21 years of relatively normal living, anxiety has crept out of no where and is severely effecting my social life. I'm not quite sure how to handle this...
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
seriouslyI'd be a little leary of drugs to combat the problem untill you tried other things
hehe I understand what you're saying. While I have always been kind of a nervous/anxious guy, I've dealt with it and accepted anxiety part of life. Everyone is nervous when approaching a girl for example...we all have social anxiety to some degree. But over the past few months I have been getting extremely nauseous in particular social situations. It's not like I've been mildly nervous and now I found a 'scapegoat' for my problems. These recent bouts of nervousness are actually making me feel like I have to throw up...and that's something you can't just shrug your shoulders and say "tough it out"Obsidian said:seriously
I'll bet 30% of the guys on this forum have some kind of disorder like that. Just deal with it. We're an overdiagnosed and overmedicated society. Try cognitive behavioral therapy.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
green69 said:hehe I understand what you're saying. While I have always been kind of a nervous/anxious guy, I've dealt with it and accepted anxiety part of life. Everyone is nervous when approaching a girl for example...we all have social anxiety to some degree. But over the past few months I have been getting extremely nauseous in particular social situations. It's not like I've been mildly nervous and now I found a 'scapegoat' for my problems. These recent bouts of nervousness are actually making me feel like I have to throw up...and that's something you can't just shrug your shoulders and say "tough it out"
As for what you and other forum members have said to treat it, I think I am going to try therapy. Fortunately for me, it's not crippling in the sense I can maintain normal interactions 95% of the time....just certain times with girls (and a few other situations) I have that sick feeling in my stomach and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I actually got a prescription from my doctor to try medication...but I have heard many bad things ranging from side-effects to extremely tough withdrawal symptoms. Cognitive therapy sounds like a much more safe option - and from what I've read as effective as medication. And again it would seem over the top to use medication for something that only pops up every now and then (3-4 times a week maybe)...it's not like I have this nauseous feeling 24/7.
did I call it or did I call it.I actually got a prescription from my doctor to try medication
Okay I'd like to reiterate that I haven't had this overwhelming sick feeling in my stomach in my entire life up until 3 months ago (totally out of the blue). Like...how would u feel if friends/people you've hung out with 10-20 times before and not been nervous at all then suddenly everytime you see them you feel like you're gonna throw up? This is not "I don't have social skills" or "I don't have the balls to go up to this girl"...it's NOTHING to do with that. I'll talk to someone who I've talked to MANY times before...and now suddenly I feel nauseous when I'm around them.Mctwist4 said:I completely agree. To be honest, I was recently diagnosed with OCD. To me, these aren't really things that we have like your saying. You can't just have OCD or anxiety disorder. It's something that developes over time due to your own laziness because you failed to develope your social skills or for OCD, the skills that give you control over your mind and your life. Instead of saying "I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder" why not say "I am extremely bad in social situations" because thats really what it is. It's not a desease like people make it out to be. I just seems to me like people enjoy being diagnosed with these bull**** mental disorders because they love to feel sorry for themselves, and it gives them an excuse for why they aren't successful in certain areas in their lives.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
When I said 95% of the time I am okay, what I meant is that in normal everyday situations I am fine. When it comes to certain girls, crowded environments, and figures of authority (the main scenarios in which people with social anxiety have trouble in) I start feeling very nauseous. It lasts for about an average of 30 minutes or so, sometimes more sometimes less. Then it goes away after I have settled down and I'm used to the environment.Obsidian said:so 95% of the time you're fine...good. Hit on 20 girls in a row, and you'll have only lost one of them due to your disease. I'm not saying your disease doesn't exist, but it doesn't sound like your disease is that big of a deal. You oughta be able to handle it without too much trouble.
My professional opinion.
1. Exercise
2. Desensitize yourself to anxiety. That means try to make yourself anxious. Get to where you're not worried about getting worried, and to where you can tolerate it easily when it creeps up. (Read about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy involving anxiety disorders.)
3. Stay rested. Stress will really f*ck you up mentally.
4. Read the Book of Pook. Hell, had to throw that in here.
5. Take vitamins, especially C and B12.
6. Be around other people who make you comfortable; that will de-stress you and make you happier.
7. Stop giving a damn what other people think of you. That is obviously part of the root of your problem.
I've read the same thing about those drugs. I've read reports about people being hooked on them like they were heroin or something. I've never done any drugs in my life (aside from caffeine and alcohol, which even those I don't do oftenbackbreaker said:man, you have no idea how addictive thoose drugs can be. some moreso than the drugs you can find on the street. the only difference is, that we make them and not the middle ease/south americans so we can control them.
There is little to no difference between methamphetamine and dexerdine, both are the same class of drugs, both are amphetamines, both have the same (just about) side effects of abused, both have the same addictive level, yet one will get you 25 to life and the other one I can have at the stroke of a doctors pin.
Hydrocordone and morphine are basically blood brothers as far as how similar they are in makeup, yet one is easily available on the street and one some doctors can't get (morphine is extremely hard to get, and at times can't even be prescribed). Morphine is in fact stronger, but (Trust me) hdrocordones can and will get you in trouble if you think just because they are prescribed and have the RX symbol on them you are fine. I almost died one day driving off to pills of the **** because i feel asleep behind the wheel.
anyway, I'm done with my drug rant
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Tell them to change their cologne.I'll talk to someone who I've talked to MANY times before...and now suddenly I feel nauseous when I'm around them.
How did you do that? Sometimes I'm bad at getting myself fully immersed, even if I enjoy it. It's easier if I enjoy it, but still sometimes it happens when I do enjoy it.backbreaker said:I used to have the attention span of a goldfish, however i thought myself how to focus in on things.
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.