Devastated again

[GADavid]

How old are you, OP?

Embarrassingly, late 20's. I had a 10 year LTR that I luckily ended because she wanted to force marriage. As such, I have VERY little experience in dating in general. It was like an old married couple. I was used to spending all our free time together and smothered the recent relationship because that was normal to me. I didn't stop to think about the independence most people develop as they pass through their 20s. I needed way too much and freaked her out.

Also, I do want to stop caring so much. I have this skewed idea of loyalty that isn't realistic outside of what I came of age with. It's ridiculous and not healthy. I should have kept my options open and focused on myself, not her.

 

[LiveFreeX]

The thing is, I really did love her.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Treat yourself to a vacay in the phillipines and by the end of the week you'll be trying to recall oldhoe's name.

 

[TheCWord]

Good stuff from Mauser. You should also start going through the DJ Bible and Book of Pook, there are some vital "eureka" moments in there just waiting for you.

It's pretty much all up to you now, OP. To do the work you need to do to get your head straight. Read those articles. Walk away from this girl and pat yourself on the back for being strong enough to walk away from someone you cared about so much. That will help you the next time you have to cut a girl out - if you can walk away from this one, you'll be able to walk away from any woman in the future. It's empowering for you and attractive to the girls.

The only other thing I can tell ya is that EVERY guy on this forum once thought a certain girl was "the one." Then we met another "one" and another girl that's "perfect." So don't get too caught up in thoughts that you lost your shot at the only woman for you.

 

[Kbomb]

Sounds like you had some profound issues with your parents/childhood to accept this type of behavior and call it love. Sounds like you have been neglected and ignored for most of your life and this woman fills that void of character and personality that you lacked, since you define yourself in your love for her. You have a lot of work to do, and it begins with not involving yourself with women until you get it figured out. Otherwise you will fall into another destructive relationship.

 

[GADavid]

Today was rough. There is a large part of my life missing and she seems to have forgotten about me. That or the thoughts she has are negative and she still doesn't want to contact me.
----
After a ton of reflection, my priorities were not straight at all. My only priority was to spend as much time with her as possible while faking being somewhat disinterested or being a prize. Besides being too available, I had time to over analyze every single thing she did or said and then pick an argument over it. I'm pulling my head out of my ass and realizing how pathetic and transparent I was. That was not living in reality. I just wish she could know that I'm getting my life together and things would be far different. I somewhat know I can't do that with her around at all, but the missing what was a huge part of my life still makes me feel like jumping off the roof at times

 

[TheCWord]

Today was rough. There is a large part of my life missing and she seems to have forgotten about me. That or the thoughts she has are negative and she still doesn't want to contact me.
----
After a ton of reflection, my priorities were not straight at all. My only priority was to spend as much time with her as possible while faking being somewhat disinterested or being a prize. Besides being too available, I had time to over analyze every single thing she did or said and then pick an argument over it. I'm pulling my head out of my ass and realizing how pathetic and transparent I was. That was not living in reality. I just wish she could know that I'm getting my life together and things would be far different. I somewhat know I can't do that with her around at all, but the missing what was a huge part of my life still makes me feel like jumping off the roof at times

Feeling like you are incomplete because person X is not around will only set you up for a lifetime of suffering. I got news for you - we all die alone.

 

[GADavid]

Feeling like you are incomplete because person X is not around will only set you up for a lifetime of suffering. I got news for you - we all die alone.

I get that. I know it. I miss the dumb little things. I hate thinking about if she is happy to have cut me out of her life. Making these changes isn't easy, though I know my priorities have to come first.

 

[ludis]

I get that. I know it. I miss the dumb little things. I hate thinking about if she is happy to have cut me out of her life. Making these changes isn't easy, though I know my priorities have to come first.

Do not avoid the sorrow of this break up my friend, nor try to dull the pain with distractions; whether it's alcohol, parties, lots of ONS,a hobby, constantly being out, workaholism etc. I'm not saying that you should avoid any activity, i'm simply suggesting that you should deal with your emotional state as well.

Suppressing your inner turmoil will only work short term. Allow your self some time for grieving and embrace the pain of your mistakes and failures like a man. Just don't wallow in this state or let it become a guilty consciousness. What is most important at this stage is to retrieve your damaged integrity and that is an inner struggle first and foremost.