I usually solve many of my problems and personal issues by meditating on past experiences, contrasting mistakes against successes and, by means of deduction, I try to find an answer. So I took today to apply this technique and try to work out what has caused me to fall into the Friend Zone on so many occasions.
I started out by reflecting on the times when girls wanted me with a passion and made a list indicating my mental state and my behaviour during this time. Then I looked at the approximate time I felt girls pushing me into the Friend Zone (or just generally losing interest) and made a similar list. Here’s are the lists I made – the dissimilarities are obvious:
First successful dates
State of mind:
No expectations or fear of loss.
Belief that she wanted me more than I wanted her.
Mentally evaluating her potential.
Feeling cool, calm and composed.
Feeling no need to impress.
Feeling in control.
Behaviour:
Expressing wit and humour on my own terms.
Giving sporadic signs of interest, kino and occasional compliments.
Acting with sexual and emotional apathy.
Acting cool, calm and composed.
Initiating topics of conversation.
Mild teasing.
Slipping into the Friend Zone
State of mind:
Hoping for future dates and thinking ahead.
Fear of losing her interest.
Strong emotional and sexual desire.
Fear of embarrassing myself.
Worrying about my appearance.
Feeling less attractive.
Constantly trying to estimate her interest level.
Wondering what she wants from me.
Behaviour:
Trying hard to make her laugh (playing the fool).
Giving frequent compliments, kino and signs of interest.
Acting with urgency, rushing my speech, moving quickly: loss of composure.
Offering to buy things, help with anything.
Trying to show respect and doing things to seek approval.
Feigning interest and agreeing with everything she said.
Immitating her behaviour and trying to be like her.
Criticising or excusing myself.
Fishing for compliments.
Constant phonecalls and txts.
Summary:
Even if more could be added to these lists, there is distinct common denominator here. In short, the Friend Zone is where you end up when you start turning your positive attention to her and your negative against yourself.
But everybody is different so these lists won’t apply to everyone. If you want a more personal and precise guide, try applying this evaluation technique to your own experiences and you’ll become aware of what to avoid in future, and maybe even get some ideas on how to escape the Friend Zone.
Hope this helps.
I started out by reflecting on the times when girls wanted me with a passion and made a list indicating my mental state and my behaviour during this time. Then I looked at the approximate time I felt girls pushing me into the Friend Zone (or just generally losing interest) and made a similar list. Here’s are the lists I made – the dissimilarities are obvious:
First successful dates
State of mind:
No expectations or fear of loss.
Belief that she wanted me more than I wanted her.
Mentally evaluating her potential.
Feeling cool, calm and composed.
Feeling no need to impress.
Feeling in control.
Behaviour:
Expressing wit and humour on my own terms.
Giving sporadic signs of interest, kino and occasional compliments.
Acting with sexual and emotional apathy.
Acting cool, calm and composed.
Initiating topics of conversation.
Mild teasing.
Slipping into the Friend Zone
State of mind:
Hoping for future dates and thinking ahead.
Fear of losing her interest.
Strong emotional and sexual desire.
Fear of embarrassing myself.
Worrying about my appearance.
Feeling less attractive.
Constantly trying to estimate her interest level.
Wondering what she wants from me.
Behaviour:
Trying hard to make her laugh (playing the fool).
Giving frequent compliments, kino and signs of interest.
Acting with urgency, rushing my speech, moving quickly: loss of composure.
Offering to buy things, help with anything.
Trying to show respect and doing things to seek approval.
Feigning interest and agreeing with everything she said.
Immitating her behaviour and trying to be like her.
Criticising or excusing myself.
Fishing for compliments.
Constant phonecalls and txts.
Summary:
Even if more could be added to these lists, there is distinct common denominator here. In short, the Friend Zone is where you end up when you start turning your positive attention to her and your negative against yourself.
But everybody is different so these lists won’t apply to everyone. If you want a more personal and precise guide, try applying this evaluation technique to your own experiences and you’ll become aware of what to avoid in future, and maybe even get some ideas on how to escape the Friend Zone.
Hope this helps.
