Desperation VS Desire

[Raptured Phoenix]

Howdy,

I've just recently came back to the DJ Board after being away for a year or so. I suppose you are wondering why I came back.

Before you start assuming I wasted a year without successfully DJin anyone, let me tell you whats up.

I am a rather nice DJ (IMO ), I can go up and interact and have lots of fun with practically any girl I'm interested in. I can have an exciting conversation, I can end it with HER asking ME out. I can kino, I can neg, I can C&F, I can joke, etc.

My problem lies with reciprocating the emotion FOR the girl. You see...when I first started DJing, I was a rather desperate kid! I hadn't as much as held a 5minute conversation with a cute girl. I'd be sweaty and red and passing out from social anxiety before I started DJing.

I came here, argued a lot in the forums (yeah I was a fiesty AFC ), did the DJ bootcamp. That helped a lot. A few months into HS and I was always flirting with chicks, touching them, rubbing them, gaining MAD social proof.

Well, I had several cases where the girl was VERY interested in me. (ahh rape!) And I always blew it off, or came up with some convenient excuse (like having overprotective parents).

Now...I ask you...who in their right mind would seduce a girl and then NOT want to actually DO things with her? Now I'm not talkin about feelin her up at school, I'm talkin about "alone time."

It seemed like I did all sorts of stuff...in social situations...although did NOTHING in private situations.

I didn't DESIRE them. Yeah, somewhere along the way to learning to be a DJ, I unlearned that I actually was DJing because I LIKED GIRLS!

Every DJish thing I did was almost completely for social proof, not to say that it wasn't fun.

This is why I came back, to learn to desire girls, and have that as a motivation to DJ them.

There is a fine line between desire and desperation, I invite all of you to discuss this fine line.

 

[becker]

I'm not sure if I'm getting what you mean exactly, but I'll take a shot at it.

See, I was just with this girl who was madly interested in me, and she was doing all sorts of things that just screamed interest. It was a little crazy, but it was cool, since I was into her as well. Anyways, this was over the internet, and after I met her in person, things changed drastically since I started showing more interest in her too.

I had built it up until we met, and I just sort of took the next step after we met in person and sort of expressed myself to her since I thought it was a mutual thing and it was safe to do that. At the same time though, I was a little aloof and maybe perceived as a little boring when I saw her, but I made the mistake of seeing her when I was tired and didn't really feel like doing that much. What a mistake. But I didn't think it was fatal at the time, but now she's telling me she's not interested. I can't imagine that a girl's IL will DROP so quickly and so easily.

Maybe I came off as overly aggressive and moved too fast. Who knows. Anyone else have this problem before?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Pursuing a woman is the "natural order of things"!!

Why are you trying to gain 'social proof' - so that you can cover up your 'Homo' tendencies??

The purpose of gaining 'social proof' is too get women!! But if you have them already then social prood is not a requirement, is it!!

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Why are you trying to gain 'social proof' - so that you can cover up your 'Homo' tendencies??

BUSTED!

Well, actually, there was a bad rumor in middle school that I was gay because this girl liked me, and made me way too nervous. Never did anything with her, and eventually kids were like "you faggot, why dont you go out with that chick?"

So, possibly.



Hmmm....social proof to get women....hadn't thought of that...LOL

I've always considered social proof as something you have in order not to be outcasted from society and stoned to death


Oh, yeah, I used to be an "outcast" type of person

HEHEh, now that I think about it, middle school was rough for me

 

[thecraftylefty]

Ahhh, someone seems to realize that women aren't merely objects of desire (or in your case, lackthereof). So let's expand on this, shall we.

I can tell from your post you have no trouble attracting women. You're definitely not desperate, you just need that desire for being with one back in your life (which is a huge difference, but one that everyone here should grasp the concept of).

What you crave is the ability to desire women again. You were programmed from your early AFC days to practically worship women and now you have a hard time letting yourself get attached to one because of the knowledge you now have and the transformation you have went through in the process. It's quite a conundrum, but one that can be set straight.

The key to gaining back your thirst, your desire, and your appetite for women is to appreciate them for all they are. Appreciate them. That's all. Appreciate their little tendancies. Appreciate it when they walk with grace as they take each step. Ever watch an amazingly stunning beauty in tight pants or shorts walk by you? I have, and I enjoy every moment of it. It's part of being a man.

Appreciate it when when they gossip on the phone until the wee hours of the night with their friends. Appreciate their love of dancing and way they move with the music. Appreciate their yearn to be matchmakers.

Appreciate the way they nag you. It's common for women to want attention, so don't get upset when one of them is constantly asking questions or whatnot and you get angry, or even furious. They're just being women. It is their natural tendancy to want to communicate with someone else. Their constant nagging is just a product of not being able to keep to themselves. They want social dynamics, so give it to them (but on your terms, you are a Don Juan after all).

Appreciate how they get all dressed up whenever they go out to be admired by men (such as ourselves). Appreciate their feminity. They want us to desire them--they NEED us to crave them. Both parties must satisfy their desires to be with the other gender. This is human nature working the way it's supposed to: nothing complicated, nothing out of the ordinary, just plain old good-fashioned sexuality being embraced.

thecraftylefty

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If you are questioning your manhood you have issues too deep to be solved through the internet!! Don't become a pvssy as most of your generation has!!!!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Crafty, desire for the opposite sex is not to be taught or convinced - it is the 'natural order of things'!!

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

I need to start appreciating them...but, since I've been DJing em, I know a LOT of 'hot' chicks. I'm used to it. I see the HB walk through in tight shorts and I'm just like "...."

Although over the summer, since school is out, I do notice myself looking at the cuter girls a bit longer than usual.

Maybe I built up a 'tolerance' for attractive females? You know how saying "i love you" a million times will have no meaning at the end...maybe interacting with a lot of hot babes has lost is charm for me?

As now I see them as "average" and there is nothing above average.

I'm looking forward to school starting again, since I havn't really interacted with HB's over the summer as much, I think I'll be much more appreciative of them.

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
If you are questioning your manhood you have issues too deep to be solved through the internet!! Don't become a pvssy as most of your generation has!!!!

I wasnt questioning my manhood, I was just saying that "covering up homo tendencies" is a possible motivation because some people did THINK I was gay. I didn't actually mean to make it sound as if I have gay tendencies.

 

[aBAzLLnA]

Excellent post crafty! I've got the same problem as RP, but what you said definitely reminded me to appreciate things.

PuertoRican_Lover, dude, I really think you need to just chill. It is up to the person himself to decide whether or not his manhood is worth questioning. What the hell is one's manhood anyway? And is it really worth thinking about?

There are definitely too many people on this board that take DJ'ing too seriously, and they just need to tone it down and remember, it's all about having fun.

~ivan

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

So-called "DJ'ing" begings with one's manhood!! This is the 'crux' of all! Your manhood should never be in "question"!!

This is elementary!

Raptured. a man doesn't need to prove to others that he is a man - for one to do so would be less than a man!

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Raptured. a man doesn't need to prove to others that he is a man - for one to do so would be less than a man!

I know this. But being accepted in a social environment is a highly motivating factor for behavior.

We are social creatures, I can't say I am a MAN, because obviously men desire women, and for some reason I dont. I want to desire them...lol. But that's just not close enough.

So I don't know.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Rartured, you are scaring me! Where is the 'scary' emoticom?

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Rartured, you are scaring me! Where is the 'scary' emoticom?

Whats an emoticom?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You know - the 'smiley' face' the frown the cool symbols.

Symbols that communicate emotions!

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

What? You are scared of the icons? or what? LOL

 

[Izo]

This is a good post. You and I are alike. Hopefully you learn something. But....you can't listen to everything everyone on this board says. Hopefully you can distinguish between what is true and what is bullshet. But don't forget that this board is not about techniques and tricks. It would be impossible to learn all the little things and try to apply them in life. Learn the overall mindset and then gauge from that.

To PRL- I'm not sure what you're trying to do or say to this guy, and I'm not sure if you're trying to help him or confuse him.

 

[So Many Ways]

I think the problem you're having is that the game may be a little too easy and not enough of a challenge for you. After realizing the process of seduction is rather straightforward, you probably have become so indifferent to the women you are dealing with thta you literally just don't care if you hook up with them. You're taking this to the extreme.

I think the next step for you is to figure out exactly what kind of woman you want and what attracts you to her. It's one thing to be able to seduce random women, but it's another thing to meet the type of women that's worth putting work in. Once you get that straightened out, you'll be fine.

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Well, someone I was talkin to off the DJ board suggested I try the "fake it till you make it" method.

That's pretty self explanatory, so I think I'll give that a try. School starts tomorrow......plenty of chicks to try with.

 

[Don Pablo]

Do you go to TC Robertson High by any chance?