She monkey branched. In my inexperience, I accepted the friend zone and beta orbited for a few weeks until I found out she was with someone else, at which point I wised up and got the **** out of there. Anyway. Five months later I still want to know who it was and when she got with him. The thought that I was talking to her as a “friend” while she was ****ing the guy she traded me for really ****s me up. What do I do with these thoughts?
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Desperately wanting to know whom my ex blew me off for
- Thread starter ghcortez
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oldmanofthesea
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It does you no good to know who it was that she got with. It's a blow to your ego, sure, and it hurts. But there's no point thinking about it and even if you knew, what would you do with that information? If it is someone you think is higher value than you, then it will make you feel bad. If it's someone you think is lower value than you, it will make you feel bad/angry/confused. Bottom line is that she left and it doesn't matter who she left for. When these thoughts come into your mind, you simply need to politely usher them out and focus on what you can control: Your ability to continue improving yourself and meeting more women.
marmel75
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Someone who doesnt act the way you are. Take the hint.
kbbroiler1971
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My question is why do you care? Is it going to make you feel better? Nope. Probably not. If you are still going through this problem. stop caring by having sex with other chicks. Spin plates and remember women use guys as a utility on every level.
Easy. Follow the steps below.
1. Go in front of the mirror, take a good hard look at your face.
2. Slap yourself hard whilst looking at the mirror.
3. With each slap say they words "I will not be so fvcking stupid".
4. Repeat the above process 10 X.
5. Then take a cold can of beer, fall back into the sofa, on your favourite sports channel, legs up like a boss and say "fvck that useless ugly fat b1tch".
6. You'll now feel much better.
7. If you still don't feel good, go back to No. 1 and repeat the cycle.
8. End.
GrowingPains
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Yikes. Not constructive.
There was another post recently about how our mindset is our downfall. The concept is applicable here. The mind tries to rationalize everything. He needs to know in order to rationalize. Do we all know it doesn't matter if he knows or not and that it's probably best that he doesn't? Yes. Is he still going to think about it? Yes. Because he's human.
I think OP should focus his attention on things he can control like someone said earlier. It's something I have to work on myself. But mindfulness will help you realize when you're being unreasonable and that you should redirect your attention.
@GrowingPains , have you tried it before ?
GrowingPains
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RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
Yep... this works for me.... Take some yoga practices, believe it or not that really does help. Not only will it help you getting re-centered you'll get in shape, and get to practice around hot chicks.... I met lots of chicks in yoga. I pay $120 a month for unlimited access to practice and a studio, which is a lot cheaper than therapy and you get better results. But stick with it, it's hard at first and like everything it gets easier and more effective with time.
There is always room for self-improvement, take the time and focus on that. But understand, it really isn't about you, it was that this new dude had something you didn't, that right now, she FEELS she needs... it could have been ANYTHING, that does not make him better or worst. Somewhere down the line your ex-chick's emotional winds will change again, and new dude will be left wondering W-T-F happened, either that or he will lock her down and then she will drive him crazy trying to keep her... just think about that.
But for you the ride is over... just go find another better ride... best medicine for this sort of thing.
GrowingPains
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Oh. You're saying have I tried slapping myself and saying the things you wrote. Nah man. I didn't say it won't work though. I just meant it's probably not the most wholesome way to deal with the situation. To each his own though.
Actually... What I'm saying and what you're saying are pretty similar minus the unnecessary aggression. We're both advocating he realize when he's feeling what he described and remind himself of the logical way he should respond.
flowtheory
Master Don Juan
Happens. Anything we say won’t matter much, I’m sure. You’ll torture yourself about this for a little while longer until you get sick and realize it’s detrimental to your overall life.
But note that this behaviour you’re exhibiting is maybe one reason of many why she decided to pack up and find someone else.
Don't get them again by seeing the signs early, bailing on her first then cut her out like a cancer. No excuses, no exceptions, no going back.
flowtheory
Master Don Juan
And?
I was seriously considering a job where I’d be working under him so I’m glad I can now veto that idea. He is higher value but for some reason it doesn’t hurt. I feel like knowing is already helping me let go. Good looking dude but drives a hella s*tty car.
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