Desperately seeking advice

[Pharkas]

Hi, I just stumbled across this site a few weeks ago and figured that I’d give it a shot and see if anyone here can help me. I’ll keep this short and simple.

My problem is that I’m shy as hell, probably even have a social anxiety disorder, and I can’t for the life of me approach girls. I have a hard time making friends as it is and to get a girlfriend is damn near impossible for me. I always feel like I’m going to make a jackass of myself around girls so I usually don’t talk. And on the rare chance that I can gather the courage to say something I end up stumbling the words and making a jackass of myself anyways.

This problem has destroyed my life thus far and has left me a very lonely person. I don’t know what to do. The worst, and saddest, part of all this is that I have never had a girlfriend and I’m already 24 now. Yes I’m a virgin and no I have never even kissed a girl.

Is there any hope, or should I just give up and accept that it’ll never happen for me.

 

[WC2]

If you want to live your whole life miserably then sure, giveup.

If you want to enjoy the rest of your life then make a change. Social anxiety disorder is not always permenant, and in most cases it's not. You must go out of your boundaries day after day and do something new.

Now of course it's tough to go out of your boundaries with friends or family, for it will be obvious that you are trying something new.

Instead, go out to complete strangers and start conversation. It doesn't have to be creepy either.

For instance, I was buying a pack of cigarettes from the 711 the other night. The guy had to restart the system, so I was there for a bit. Two minutes into waiting I say, "Hey so what are you trying to be?"

Ends up this question lead up to a 15 minute conversation in which I found out about this poor guy's life, girlfriend, family in Pakistan, etc.

You must take a deep interest when you talk to people. Listening is half the ball game. If you can't listen then there's nothing intelligent you could possibly say back.

Start small, think big.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Hi, I just stumbled across this site a few weeks ago and figured that I’d give it a shot and see if anyone here can help me. I’ll keep this short and simple.

My problem is that I’m shy as hell, probably even have a social anxiety disorder, and I can’t for the life of me approach girls. I have a hard time making friends as it is and to get a girlfriend is damn near impossible for me. I always feel like I’m going to make a jackass of myself around girls so I usually don’t talk. And on the rare chance that I can gather the courage to say something I end up stumbling the words and making a jackass of myself anyways.

This problem has destroyed my life thus far and has left me a very lonely person. I don’t know what to do. The worst, and saddest, part of all this is that I have never had a girlfriend and I’m already 24 now. Yes I’m a virgin and no I have never even kissed a girl.

Is there any hope, or should I just give up and accept that it’ll never happen for me.

Hey thats like my life story up until a couple yrs ago man. Yes it can change and change quick. I figured out how to clear up my acne which i beleive was the root of my lack of self esteem and shyness, and im slowly breaking away from my old habits now. I still suck with women if u have read any of my posts u can clearly see im an AFC still, but i lost my virginity at 24, and in the past year or so since then ive made out with several girls, and been on a ton of dates. Dont let ur past haunt u or dictate ur future. Nobody knows about it but u. Join activiities, charities, martial arts, take dance classes or crap like that. And just make it like a game to push urself to talk to people. Read more, learn somethin new everyday. Theres prob millions of people in the world like us, who cares. In the end well all be dead, nobody is better than anybody. Just dont give up. I thought id never get laid, but it happened. When girls ask me bout my prom or my high school yrs i just get vague, and if they keep pressing i say oh i was a late bloomer, i was home playin video games. They never seem to think any less of me when i say that. As long as im shwoing her im cool now and make it sound funny, they seem to like the self deprecation if u do it right, they get comfortable with u. Just make sure ur vague, no details about how losery u were.

Hang in there. Join a gym, get ripped, buy good clothes and chicks r so shallow (like us) that theyll never notice or care that ur shy. Make sure u fake having alot of stuff to do when u do get dates tho, social proof is important def. Try match.com too, only put ur very best pciture on there. I have met 9 girls now off it since may. they give me their numbers so fast. I am the most socially awkward person around, very very shy, but occasionally i get in the zone. I recently started to get muscle definition,and im gettin looks from girls alot more often. Think about this, how often do u see a ripped muscualr guy walkin on the street and think hey he looks like a dork?
Never! i know i never do, its like u just assume hes a cool guy cuz of the mscle. So thats def a step.

 

[Muzzlehatch]

Hi mate,

First, its nowhere near too late. The seduction community is abrim with techniques and methods that could get a 75 year old Quasimodo laid. (Allegedly). Anyway, you sound intelligent, so you shouldn't have too much trouble typing 'seduction' into Google and starting the accumulating knowledge phase. (I can recommend buying and reading 'The Game' by Neil Strauss). Do NOT get stuck in this phase. Read whatever you can on it, then come up with a plan of action.

Then the hard part. Having the balls to try it. Start with small things, get some success however small then build up. (The best part is the day when you realise, 'sh!t, this stuff actually works!') Strap yourself in, you're in for the ride of your life.
When you've tried it, I suggest coming back on here or somewhere else for feedback on your results.

A similar recent thread to yours was http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=111134 I have my suspicions about whether the guy was genuine or not, but the advice he was given was good anyway. A lot of good guys want you to succeed!

 

[Desdinova]

I always feel like I’m going to make a jackass of myself around girls so I usually don’t talk.

You're only a jackass if you BELIEVE that you're a jackass.

I'm going to tell you this: why the fvck should you care what some girl thinks of you? She's not going to call over all her friend, point at you, and yell "what a jackass!" This is the real world. The worst a woman will say is no, or "sorry, I have a bf".

People get rejected everyday, it's a part of life. You can either adapt to life, or spend your life running away and hiding from it.

 

[DarkLight]

... and so it begins! Welcome

 

[flexion_]

Stop focusing on women at this point. You need to build up other parts of you life. The only way to overcome fear is to quite frankly do stuff that makes you afraid... If you need a doctor to talk you through it then do so.

Only advice I give is this... stop playing the victim.

 

[realsmoothie]

Stop focusing on women at this point. You need to build up other parts of you life. The only way to overcome fear is to quite frankly do stuff that makes you afraid... If you need a doctor to talk you through it then do so.

Only advice I give is this... stop playing the victim.

Awesome, I've been doing this lately when I kind of get down about the women women thing. Just go do other stuff that makes you feel more confident.

You'd be amazed.

If it helps... I was completely useless until I turned about 30... and it's been all uphill ever since. You have LOTS of time.

 

[tr0ublemaker]

honestly man you have to realize life is too short to reside in your thoughts all the time

i was like you, but then i realized people are too into themselves to give a flying fvck about me..and i realized life's way too damn short to have no female interaction experience..

you've gotta just say fvck the world and just do it..otherwise you'd sit in a rocking chair when you're old wondering how it would have been..sh!t, even if you get embarassed, at least you can tell about it..

 

[Pharkas]

Thank you everyone for the advice, and you guys are right. I so badly want to get through this but it all just feels so overwhelming; I don’t even know where to start.

Though, it’s comforting to see that a few other people were in a similar situation and made it through.

 

[AtomicDog]

It's true about doing things that make you scared.

I'm in a similar situation, having no friends, not knowing where to begin. But just the past 2 weeks I've hooked up with some new guys at work who seem pretty happy to include me in their social circle.

I just feel sometimes that there's something I do -- NOT A CLUE WHAT IT IS -- that makes people feel uneasy. And the funny thing is it hardly EVER happens around chicks -- just guys I'm trying to befriend.

Maybe I come off as needy? Insecure? I don't know WTF it is.

I'm hoping when I hang out with these guys more it will gradually go away.