OK, so here we go again, another "woe is me" thread. But bear with me.
Just for the record, I am a 21 year-old kissless virgin. This is not because of being too much of a "nice guy" to girls, but rather not being able to socialize with them in the first place. For the past 3 or 4 years, I had entertained the notion that I would get laid eventually, and that being a desperate virgin would pass with time. But I have now reached the point where I realized that I am poorly-socialized, slightly maladjusted, and mentally ill. I cannot focus and therefore lack the mindset, attitude, and resources to get laid and finally kill this desperation. It has reached the tipping point, so to speak. I am taking meds, but they will only be a bandaid in my road to recovery.
Being unable to fit into society plays a big role in this. I have reached the age where people are beginning to form relationships with each other, and this is always a big topic of conversation within social circles at school, work, etc. If you have nothing to mention about these topics EVER, people will begin to think you are weird, creepy, asexual, or gay. Even if they don't think this, you will still be cut off from the social circle at least to some extent if your sexual preferences are never implied or relationship statuses mentioned, like in my case.
When I think about it, my parents never loved each other, were frigid and emotionally-distant from each other, so warmth and affection was never expressed growing up. I never knew how to act around women growing up because, after observing the way my dad acted around my mom, I thought being uninvolved, spending no time socializing, and cut off from any relationship issues was the proper way to act around women.
Once I left home and the few friends I had at high school, I was at a loss for how to develop relationships with girls, let alone people in general. I never knew how to express affection towards people because I had never really experienced it growing up.
For the past 3 years, I have dropped out of college twice, moved three times across the country, and never have been able to develop an intimate relationship, let alone normal friendship, with a girl.
Intimacy and affection are basic psychological needs. I have been deprived of these my whole life. How can I go about receiving these needs, if I don't even know how to give them myself? How can I get rid of the desperation that drives girls away, when it has plagued me for so long and stems from being deprived my whole life?
I had a chance to to hook up with my cousin's friend about a month or two ago at a party. It reached the point where she pushed me on the couch, took my phone from me, got on top of me, and gave me the "f*ck-me eyes". The opportunity fell in my lap, but I freaked out and ended up getting up and leaving as soon as it happened... I had no idea how to express my feelings in the situation, so I had to get out of there as fast as possible.
Is it possible I'm experiencing fear of intimacy or something of that nature? I know this makes me sound like a f***in ***** and I am very disappointed in myself. I need to get laid, but can't get myself to pursue women. Should I just bang a bunch of escorts and get it over with at this point?
Just for the record, I am a 21 year-old kissless virgin. This is not because of being too much of a "nice guy" to girls, but rather not being able to socialize with them in the first place. For the past 3 or 4 years, I had entertained the notion that I would get laid eventually, and that being a desperate virgin would pass with time. But I have now reached the point where I realized that I am poorly-socialized, slightly maladjusted, and mentally ill. I cannot focus and therefore lack the mindset, attitude, and resources to get laid and finally kill this desperation. It has reached the tipping point, so to speak. I am taking meds, but they will only be a bandaid in my road to recovery.
Being unable to fit into society plays a big role in this. I have reached the age where people are beginning to form relationships with each other, and this is always a big topic of conversation within social circles at school, work, etc. If you have nothing to mention about these topics EVER, people will begin to think you are weird, creepy, asexual, or gay. Even if they don't think this, you will still be cut off from the social circle at least to some extent if your sexual preferences are never implied or relationship statuses mentioned, like in my case.
When I think about it, my parents never loved each other, were frigid and emotionally-distant from each other, so warmth and affection was never expressed growing up. I never knew how to act around women growing up because, after observing the way my dad acted around my mom, I thought being uninvolved, spending no time socializing, and cut off from any relationship issues was the proper way to act around women.
Once I left home and the few friends I had at high school, I was at a loss for how to develop relationships with girls, let alone people in general. I never knew how to express affection towards people because I had never really experienced it growing up.
For the past 3 years, I have dropped out of college twice, moved three times across the country, and never have been able to develop an intimate relationship, let alone normal friendship, with a girl.
Intimacy and affection are basic psychological needs. I have been deprived of these my whole life. How can I go about receiving these needs, if I don't even know how to give them myself? How can I get rid of the desperation that drives girls away, when it has plagued me for so long and stems from being deprived my whole life?
I had a chance to to hook up with my cousin's friend about a month or two ago at a party. It reached the point where she pushed me on the couch, took my phone from me, got on top of me, and gave me the "f*ck-me eyes". The opportunity fell in my lap, but I freaked out and ended up getting up and leaving as soon as it happened... I had no idea how to express my feelings in the situation, so I had to get out of there as fast as possible.
Is it possible I'm experiencing fear of intimacy or something of that nature? I know this makes me sound like a f***in ***** and I am very disappointed in myself. I need to get laid, but can't get myself to pursue women. Should I just bang a bunch of escorts and get it over with at this point?