Describe your ideal woman and relationship dynamic/arrangement

[SkrooU]

I've been told recently by family, recent ex, and good friend that I'm too picky and look for a reason to dump someone.
I call it screening and not settling. But maybe I'm wrong.

My ideal situation is a physically active woman who doesn't depend on a man. She's very affectionate. She accepts me for who I am. Contributes to relationship ideas and doesn't expect me to do everything just because I'm a man. She isn't rude. She can be loud at the right times but is generally on the calmer side. She is financially responsible and clean. She doesn't have double standards. She cares about her appearance but isn't shallow and superficial.

This is a partial list I've developed from my relationship experiences. Each ex has given me something new to add to the list.

Each new person fills a gap from some other ex. But they also lack a quality another ex possesed.

I mean I could accept that maybe nobody will possess all qualities. But these are generally things I cant live with. So why settle?

What things can you overlook?

 

[highSpeed]

She must listen and let you lead man. biggest thing and you left it off your list. Don't care how hot she is, how nice she is, how calm, clean or independent she is. She could be all those things and if she doesn't let you lead and give credence to what you say, it's a wrap if you get into something serious with her. She will eventually be combative, difficult and generally impossible to deal with. Resentment will build for this or that, she will stop listening and you will have a general pain in the *ss to deal with. Might be good for a short to medium term relationship, plate status and/or f*ck buddy but that's it.

 

[btownbuck2012]

She must listen and let you lead man. biggest thing and you left it off your list. Don't care how hot she is, how nice she is, how calm, clean or independent she is. She could be all those things and if she doesn't let you lead and give credence to what you say, it's a wrap if you get into something serious with her. She will eventually be combative, difficult and generally impossible to deal with. Resentment will build for this or that, she will stop listening and you will have a general pain in the *ss to deal with. Might be good for a short to medium term relationship, plate status and/or f*ck buddy but that's it.

I feel like the only way they will be like this is if they've had a strong father figure whom she respected and admired. Very rare today. Well at least in the cities I've lived in..
But,yes, I absolutely agree with you.

 

[SkrooU]

She must listen and let you lead man. biggest thing and you left it off your list. Don't care how hot she is, how nice she is, how calm, clean or independent she is. She could be all those things and if she doesn't let you lead and give credence to what you say, it's a wrap if you get into something serious with her. She will eventually be combative, difficult and generally impossible to deal with. Resentment will build for this or that, she will stop listening and you will have a general pain in the *ss to deal with. Might be good for a short to medium term relationship, plate status and/or f*ck buddy but that's it.

Give me a situation to explain what you mean by leading. I honestly don't like having someone depend on me for guidance and decisions. I just like them to respect my decisions and need for space. But I'm not the guy who lets women run the show. So maybe this subject could be something I'm doing wrong.

 

[SkrooU]

I feel like the only way they will be like this is if they've had a strong father figure whom she respected and admired. Very rare today. Well at least in the cities I've lived in..
But,yes, I absolutely agree with you.

I've noticed the ones with more self respect have good fathers. But some are seriously spoiled princess syndrome b1thcez. The last ex had no father and wanted me to do EVERYTHING. Had to call text first. Had to tell her when to have sex. What to make for dinner. What to wear. I also had to pay for everything. One time she thought i was supposed to buy her neighbor and her son lunch too. And she called that being a gentleman. I thought it was a turn off. I like a woman with some creativity and self direction. And your friend; your expense. Also, show me you desire me. Don't just say I'm here to be used as a blow up sex doll.

 

[highSpeed]

Give me a situation to explain what you mean by leading. I honestly don't like having someone depend on me for guidance and decisions. I just like them to respect my decisions and need for space. But I'm not the guy who lets women run the show. So maybe this subject could be something I'm doing wrong.

Like if you get into a serious relationship. You decide to get a place together. Does she pick the place and you go, "Aww shucks honey, you know what they say, happy wife, happy life?" Or does she say, "Honey, I respect your decision about where to live, let's do that." And not resent the crap out of you for it. Or bare minimum, does she respect you enough to say, "You know honey, I don't want to live here but I'll do it for you." Or does she say, "Can we compromise?" So that shows she's letting you lead.

I don't want to have to constantly fight to get what I want, especially when it's my money that's being spent. I live in a house I don't want. I drive a car I don't want. All of this was to give my wife what she wants. She lives in the house she picked. She drives a platinum explorer. I still don't get any respect. It's worse than Rodney Dangerfield. Biggest mistake I made was pedalstalizing my wife. I thought I was doing the right thing. Being a good husband, a good partner. I didn't realize before I came to this site how much I screwed up. I consider myself a smart guy. But when emotions and lust come onto the scene, even smart guys do stupid things. Don't do what I did.

 

[SkrooU]

Like if you get into a serious relationship. You decide to get a place together. Does she pick the place and you go, "Aww shucks honey, you know what they say, happy wife, happy life?" Or does she say, "Honey, I respect your decision about where to live, let's do that." And not resent the crap out of you for it. Or bare minimum, does she respect you enough to say, "You know honey, I don't want to live here but I'll do it for you." Or does she say, "Can we compromise?" So that shows she's letting you lead.

I don't want to have to constantly fight to get what I want, especially when it's my money that's being spent. I live in a house I don't want. I drive a car I don't want. All of this was to give my wife what she wants. She lives in the house she picked. She drives a platinum explorer. I still don't get any respect. It's worse than Rodney Dangerfield. Biggest mistake I made was pedalstalizing my wife. I thought I was doing the right thing. Being a good husband, a good partner. I didn't realize before I came to this site how much I screwed up. I consider myself a smart guy. But when emotions and lust come onto the scene, even smart guys do stupid things. Don't do what I did.

Gotcha. That's basically what I thought you meant. I'll be accommodating when it makes sense, like treating her to something she wants, but never in a situation that compromise my self-respect. I don't cave in to demands. Though I'm sure I could unintentionally lead a woman to think I have pushover potential because I simply don't care about something and just say "you decide, i don't care".

 

[BeExcellent]

I envision being in a LTR with a man who I desire sexually & who can lead me. In this way I can relax and be the girl in the relationship and enjoy him being the MAN. Leadership means a man is declarative in nature (knows what he wants) and decisive (makes decisions). It means the woman trusts where the two of you are going together even if it doesn't make sense to her right then. A wise woman is not going to waste time nit picking such a man (and a MAN isn't going to tolerate such nit-picking for any length of time.) And a man worth following is GOING somewhere.

If a man says, babe, we are moving to such and such so I can take xyz opportunity she doesn't whine that she's going to miss her mommy and doesn't have any friends in the new place. She says OK. When do we leave? She knows she'll make new friends. It means she doesn't gripe or cause conflict over where to eat, where to park, whether he wants to watch the game with his buddies or go golfing...she's COOL.

She doesn't disregard his desires for her own. I recall that when I was engaged I was picking out china patterns. I didn't think in a thousand years that my finance would care what the dishes looked like. One day I showed him. It was a pattern I loved. He hated it. While I was stunned that this mattered at all to him, I simply picked a different pattern that we both liked. To this day he complains at how much a pain in the ass it is to hand wash...and since we divorced I bought a set of what I wanted originally, which he has since decided was a silly thing for him to care about. Our first big fight as marrieds was over the purchase of our first home. He acquiesced and we got what I wanted. And when we outgrew it we got what he wanted (that I was cool with.) Now I'd never make the mistake of insisting on something my significant other hated. But I'm older and wiser than I was 20 years ago too.

Look for a strong father figure. This is something the man I'm dating really likes about me. I revered my father. My dad was THE MAN. My guy says all the time he would have enjoyed meeting my dad, and I think they would have liked each other, some peacocking to be expected aside, lol.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Look for a strong father figure.

That's step one. Step two, as a man, is to compare yourself to him. The more you resemble him, the better. If you are not anything like her strong father figure, then the strength of her relationship with him will work against you.

 

[The Duke]

-HB8
-Lets me have my space and do my thing
-Somewhat submissive
-Supportive
-Feminine
-Comes from a good family
-Respects her dad
-Sweet
-Willing to be led

 

[The Duke]

That's step one. Step two, as a man, is to compare yourself to him. The more you resemble him, the better. If you are not anything like her strong father figure, then the strength of her relationship with him will work against you.

Very true. My most successful relationships were ones that I often heard "you are so much like my dad/grandpa"

 

[SkrooU]

Loyal, affectionate, intellectual, open minded, marriage with prenup

Of course! How could I forget the prenup.
Just met a family law attorney Friday. She asked if I would sign a prenup. I liked this.

 

[Dark Horse]

Physically, i'm most attracted to short girls with cute faces. That's my physical type.

 

[va2000]

Idealism can become miserable, but it's always wise to understand yourself... what you value more and what you can live without.

I am always attracted to confidence and self-reliance, but romantically I need to be looked up to... which translates into someone who has the capacity to be a brat or stand up to me but chooses not to. I'm drawn to the unusual and often the difficult, but the core qualities must be there... integrity, loyalty, work ethic, etc. If someone is virtuous in their core, the more superficial cons are not necessarily deal breakers.

 

[exhausted]

I'd kill just to find a kind woman.
Naturaly kind at heart is all. Not a pushover. Just kind.

That too much to fuchin ask?
How hard is it just to be nice at the core?

I have fought all my life in combat sports and still spar weekly but hell I am a nice guy.

Why is it so hard to be nice is all?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I've had me one for 19 months now and we're still going strong. They are appallingly rare, but they exist.

 

[va2000]

I'd kill just to find a kind woman.
Naturaly kind at heart is all. Not a pushover. Just kind.

I approached the girl in the bar with a hoodie and jeans with crazy colored hair who laughed and danced and made friends with everybody. She may not have been the beauty queen when I found her, but she had a twinkle in her eye and went from a 5 to an 8 with the right clothes and a couple boobjobs. I'm not saying it's a fool-proof method, but she turns me on and is kind to everyone in the same person. Just my angle.