Depressed..broken hearted.. Please HELP me

[seabumma]

Guys please help me. I am broken hearted. I feel like an empty shell of what I used to be. I never used to give a **** about women. I used to be into myself, I lived life, made money, lifted weights, I did everything *I* wanted to do. Now here I am, sitting with tears welled up in my eyes, feelings weak--thanks to a GIRL. This girl was totally my type, shy timid, gorgeous, super smart...just everything I want in a girl.

You may have read my other thread on here in regards to this girl..long distance story. For reference:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=153466

Well long story short, I flew down to meet her twice. The last time was for 4 days, and we both had a great time. It was never an issue for me to fly down to spend time with her..monthly.

The problem is this girl does not have much friends at all..just her roommate, and her ex who all live on campus. She is super super shy. Well a week after I left from my last trip, she continued to text me but they were non-flirtatious. She also stopped calling as much. I found myself to be the one calling first, but she would always answer/call back.

Well today I called her after a couple days and we talked. After 10 minutes she said "there is something I've been meaning to tell you", in a really nervous voice. I knew what she was going to say so I just flat out said "let me guess, you don't want me to call anymore". Well thats when she said "I decided to give it another try with [ex]".

I did ask her why, and she said that her ex gave her an ultimatum. This girl does not have friends so her ex has been inviting her over to his dorm to watch movies, do homework, and what not with his and his roomie. According to her, the ex said "I don't think we should spend any more time together, unless we are dating". She had no choice..and she said yes and decided to give it a try. Well her ex is a senior and she is a junior. This means he will be gone in a year...I asked her what will happen at that point. She said that they decided they might break it off at that point.

She said if we lived closer things may have been different. I told her, that I may be applying to schools in her area, and she did give me a positive response to that. She said she wants to still keep in touch. I do not know what to do..I am feeling helpless right now. I've never cried since I was a child. Right now I feel like a 22 year old child. **** me.

EDIT:

She just sent me this text, I don't know how to respond. God I wish I could sit her down and talk to her. Should I ask her to meet up just to talk to her face to face? I have air miles so the flight won't cost me anything.

"Hey Neal. so im sorry if my decision to date [ex] kind of hurt you. Things might have been different if we lived closer but that just isn't how it is ya know. Im not sure if I made the right decision but I felt like I should try it again for some reason. Anyways have a nice day and we'll keep in touch."

 

[slaog]

Guys please help me. I am broken hearted. I feel like an empty shell of what I used to be. I never used to give a **** about women. I used to be into myself, I lived life, made money, lifted weights, I did everything *I* wanted to do. Now here I am, sitting with tears welled up in my eyes, feelings weak--thanks to a GIRL.

No thanks to yourself. You're the one who has built her up in your head. Things like this happen when you stop focusing on other areas of your life and just focus one the one thing which is 'a' girl in this case. Go out spin some plates and meet other women.


By putting her high on a pedestal like you have it shows that you're lower value unlike her ex who gave her an ultimatium to be his girlfriend or don't spend anymore time with him which showed higher value.


By the sounds of it she only wants sex off the ex boyfriend. Otherwise she wouldn't be planning on it just lasting a year. At least she was upfront about it. You seem too keen which is probably putting her off too eg you're talking about moving to near where she lives etc

 

[Alle_Gory]

It didn't work out. She was upfront about it, and look at what you are doing.

Be cool. It was fun while it lasted, and it sounds like she has respect for you. Great job. But only seeing her once in awhile, did you really expect a strong bond?

BTW, she already made up her mind. Talking won't change it. Chicks respond to emotions, actions.

 

[Kidquick]

Seabummma you need to get a hold of yourself and get it together here. By your own admission you've been reduced to a crying, quivering wuss because of a girl that doesn't want to be with you. She has disrespected you in a big way. Delete her number, throw out all her **** and get on with your life. That text should be the last communication you ever have with her.

Good luck.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Hey man, I understand it happens to the best of us. That's understandable that you want to see her badly now, you miss her and really like her. But I want you to know that flying there to see her won't do you any good.

I know that once stuff like this happens you feel like "Maybe if I go talk to her I can get her to change her mind." Or something like that. But it never works, trust me I've been there. This ends up just pushing her away more.

I'm not going to tell you to forget about her, and next her. Because you're human! You can't just block out your emotions. But I will tell you how you can try to minimize the pain.

Don't sit at home alone. When you do this you don't give yourself a choice but to think about her. You need to go out and socialize, with friends, and meet new people. If your not ready to start talking to new girls, make new guy friends. Just socialize, this always helps me and really makes me feel more confident. Go to the gym and get back to working out, just start living life again.

You don't know what's going to happen from this point on, so everyday should be an excitement! You should always be excited for tomorrow, because you never know who your going to meet or what new memories your going to make.

 

[Bluesteak]

If anything its for the best, now take the pain and use it to make yourself a better person.

 

[nismo-4]

Dude, F**k that girl! She's found someone else who's better than you. Move on and use this time to earn more money! Don't worry about women like that.

 

[The Bat]

Ok, there are MAJOR, MAJOR issues you need to look at.

You are "dating" a girl who lives two states away? Two states. Even if you can afford to fly down there, why would you want to? Why not fly elsewhere with all that money that you spent in traveling? Even if they were airline miles, why not fly to a tourist hot spot or continue saving up the airline miles for a better deal (free tickets maybe) that will come in handy in near future?

You need to read this thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=84124

In it, Rollo talks about the presence of genuine desire in order for a relationship to exist. The way I see it, there was no relationship with you and this girl. For fvck's sakes, she lived TWO STATES away from you.

Now, read this thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=125865

Why would you want to limit yourself to one girl, who may or may not like you back as much as you like her, who lives TWO STATES away from you? And it was you who flew there to see her. Did she ever visit you? Ask yourself: If she really liked you and wanted you for you, then would she have visited? Her having "not enough money" would be perfect excuse for her to make you do all the legwork: pay for travel (which you did via airline miles indirectly), spend your time traveling, put off your priorities for couple of days, spend less time working on yourself, your hobbies, your friends, etc.

You are making a big sacrifice for what, exactly? Sex? You can get that if you make the effort to go to a bar on Saturday night and approach some women. You can even get sex from hookers. Intimacy? What kind of intimacy did you exactly share? Did you like her personality? I bet you I can come to your campus and find 10 other girls who would have the same personality, if not better, than hers.

You are in an emotional rut because you limited yourself to the first girl that was receptive and warm to you. You shut off all doors with having any kind of relationship with other women who are around you and who you see everyday on campus. You thought you found the "one" when in reality, you know NOTHING about her. Hell, you know NOTHING about yourself either other than the mundane obvious facts like "student, hard-worker, fitness fanatic, etc.".

The truth is, and this may sting a little but it's necessary that you face it, she was using you and you were the Rebound Guy. She had to do absolutely NOTHING except flirt with you and hang out with you for couple of days every couple of weeks. While YOU had to do EVERYTHING from traveling, making plans, adjusting your schedule, changing your life, etc.

And now you want to change schools so that maybe she will go out with you when she breaks up with her b/f in a year?

Why, why, why, why? Do you not see how selfish you are in thinking that, "If I change schools, then she will HAVE to like me because I'm sacrificing my life for her. She HAS to like me if I do that." Please read that first link I posted again.

She has no genuine desire for you. You know who she does have genuine desire for? That's right, the ex. Do you really think she was hanging out with the ex and his roommate watching TV, doing homework? No, she was polishing his bone. And her roommate probably got in on the action too. Make no mistake about it, even the shy girls can be real freaks in the bed. All it takes is the right amount of emotions and tact to bring out the animal in her. Which, I have no doubt, the ex is capable of doing. Otherwise, she wouldn't resort to his ultimatum. Girls take break ups hard and if they take it hard, then there is little chance that they're going to get back with their exes. This girl obviously had feelings for the ex and she was reassuring her feelings by dating you.

That's right. She wanted to make sure that she wasn't ready to move on and in the meantime, she also wanted to make sure that she was still wanted and desired by other guys. So much desired and wanted that the other guy would FLY DOWN TWO STATES just to be with her. And you made her happy by saying things like "you're special" BUT she was happy BECAUSE she confirmed her beliefs that she has still got "it" and can make guys fall for her head over heels without her making little effort.

Do you understand that? It's important that you understand everything I wrote here. And it's equally important that you read and understand the two links I provided in my post.

For the love of god, break out of this sprial of negative attitude and stop crying over a girl and her mindgames. Just realize that you need to completely change yourself. And realize that your inner game needs a lot of work. And finally understand the dynamics behind attraction.

Cut ALL contact with her. This means delete her from your phone, delete ALL of the texts from her, delete all of her voicemails, delete and BLOCK all her e-mails, delete that internet profile, and finally remove EVERYTHING that reminds you of her. Yes, even the plane tickets. Get RID of those stubs and receipts from all the dinners you went out to. REMOVE HER COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR MIND. Do it NOW! Like a band-aid, just GRIP IT AND RIP IT! Burn that $hit to the ground and dance around it Indian style.

 

[seabumma]

Ok, there are MAJOR, MAJOR issues you need to look at.

You are "dating" a girl who lives two states away? Two states. Even if you can afford to fly down there, why would you want to? Why not fly elsewhere with all that money that you spent in traveling? Even if they were airline miles, why not fly to a tourist hot spot or continue saving up the airline miles for a better deal (free tickets maybe) that will come in handy in near future?

You need to read this thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=84124

In it, Rollo talks about the presence of genuine desire in order for a relationship to exist. The way I see it, there was no relationship with you and this girl. For fvck's sakes, she lived TWO STATES away from you.

Now, read this thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=125865

Why would you want to limit yourself to one girl, who may or may not like you back as much as you like her, who lives TWO STATES away from you? And it was you who flew there to see her. Did she ever visit you? Ask yourself: If she really liked you and wanted you for you, then would she have visited? Her having "not enough money" would be perfect excuse for her to make you do all the legwork: pay for travel (which you did via airline miles indirectly), spend your time traveling, put off your priorities for couple of days, spend less time working on yourself, your hobbies, your friends, etc.

You are making a big sacrifice for what, exactly? Sex? You can get that if you make the effort to go to a bar on Saturday night and approach some women. You can even get sex from hookers. Intimacy? What kind of intimacy did you exactly share? Did you like her personality? I bet you I can come to your campus and find 10 other girls who would have the same personality, if not better, than hers.

You are in an emotional rut because you limited yourself to the first girl that was receptive and warm to you. You shut off all doors with having any kind of relationship with other women who are around you and who you see everyday on campus. You thought you found the "one" when in reality, you know NOTHING about her. Hell, you know NOTHING about yourself either other than the mundane obvious facts like "student, hard-worker, fitness fanatic, etc.".

The truth is, and this may sting a little but it's necessary that you face it, she was using you and you were the Rebound Guy. She had to do absolutely NOTHING except flirt with you and hang out with you for couple of days every couple of weeks. While YOU had to do EVERYTHING from traveling, making plans, adjusting your schedule, changing your life, etc.

And now you want to change schools so that maybe she will go out with you when she breaks up with her b/f in a year?

Why, why, why, why? Do you not see how selfish you are in thinking that, "If I change schools, then she will HAVE to like me because I'm sacrificing my life for her. She HAS to like me if I do that." Please read that first link I posted again.

She has no genuine desire for you. You know who she does have genuine desire for? That's right, the ex. Do you really think she was hanging out with the ex and his roommate watching TV, doing homework? No, she was polishing his bone. And her roommate probably got in on the action too. Make no mistake about it, even the shy girls can be real freaks in the bed. All it takes is the right amount of emotions and tact to bring out the animal in her. Which, I have no doubt, the ex is capable of doing. Otherwise, she wouldn't resort to his ultimatum. Girls take break ups hard and if they take it hard, then there is little chance that they're going to get back with their exes. This girl obviously had feelings for the ex and she was reassuring her feelings by dating you.

That's right. She wanted to make sure that she wasn't ready to move on and in the meantime, she also wanted to make sure that she was still wanted and desired by other guys. So much desired and wanted that the other guy would FLY DOWN TWO STATES just to be with her. And you made her happy by saying things like "you're special" BUT she was happy BECAUSE she confirmed her beliefs that she has still got "it" and can make guys fall for her head over heels without her making little effort.

Do you understand that? It's important that you understand everything I wrote here. And it's equally important that you read and understand the two links I provided in my post.

For the love of god, break out of this sprial of negative attitude and stop crying over a girl and her mindgames. Just realize that you need to completely change yourself. And realize that your inner game needs a lot of work. And finally understand the dynamics behind attraction.

Cut ALL contact with her. This means delete her from your phone, delete ALL of the texts from her, delete all of her voicemails, delete and BLOCK all her e-mails, delete that internet profile, and finally remove EVERYTHING that reminds you of her. Yes, even the plane tickets. Get RID of those stubs and receipts from all the dinners you went out to. REMOVE HER COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR MIND. Do it NOW! Like a band-aid, just GRIP IT AND RIP IT! Burn that $hit to the ground and dance around it Indian style.

thanks.

 

[Warrior74]

boy oh boy. man this woman is nothing. nothing at all to you.

She's not your wife, not the mother of you children, not your best friend of 50 years, not your soul mate, none of those things is she?

She's just a girl you like. You've liked plenty of girls and you'll like plenty more. But YOU build up this fantasy in your head about her. It was not reality. Good lord, I hope Real Supreme doesn' see this thread...he'd rip you a new axehole for getting all bent out of shape over some long distance bs.

What is your purpose in life? What is your life's mission? A woman should be there to help you accomplish your goals in life.

Woman was made to serve Adam, Adam was made to serve God. So a woman is your helpmate on you fufilling your mission in life, she is not your mission in life. Good luck.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

It's time to let go of your invisible friend.

There is no such thing as an LDR, because you have no relationship. An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a relationship. There is no reciprocity of anything more than words passing over a phone line or an IM text. Understand me here – you have no relationship. What you have is self-assumed accountability, self-assumed liability, and internalized responsibilities to be loyal to this person. You have fidelity to an idealization, and in spite what anyone outside of your LDR will regularly tell you is insanity, this is becomes personal attack on this most insidious form of ONEitis.

LDRs are the most easily identifiable form of ONEitis and it would be laughable if it weren't so damaging to a guy's life and maturity progression. An LDR man will sacrifice years of his life in this pitiable effort to pursue his 'soulmate' across the planet or even a hundred miles away. In fact the very thought of refuting the idea that an LDR could work is equal to telling him his ONEitis isn't his soulmate. It’s easy to criticize an LDR in the terms of either party's earnestness and fidelity in entertaining an LDR, and unfortunately this is usually the tact that most people giving advice on LDRs follow. One or both parties are or will 'cheat' on the fantasized relationship over the course of time. Its true, but LDRs are far more telling of a ONEitis mentality that results in much more damaging consequences as a result of deeply conditioned self-expectations and fears.

I can't begin to list the number of otherwise intelligent and ambitious men I’ve known who've drastically altered the course of their lives to follow their ONE. Men who've changed their majors in college, who've selected or switched universities, men who've applied for jobs in states they would never have considered, accepted jobs that are sub-standard to their ambitions or qualifications, men who've renounced former religions and men who've moved across the planet all in an effort to better accommodate an idealized woman with whom they've played pseudo-boyfriend for over the course of an LDR, only to find that she wasn't the person they thought she was and became depressive over the gravity that their decisions played in their lives.

An LDR is akin to a LJBF, but writ large and festering longer with greater impact in a man's life. You play surrogate boyfriend, voluntarily accepting and internalizing all of the responsibilities and accountabilities of being a woman's exclusive, monogamous partner with no expectation of reciprocating intimacy or sexuality. It is the ideal situation for a woman in the same manner a Booty Call is for a man - all sex with no expectations of monogamy or commitment. However an LDR is worse than a LJBF arrangement since it perversely locks a man into a success or failure mentality with regards to the "relationship" actually being legitimate. Afterall, she's agreed to be his girlfriend (from miles away) and if he's the one to falter it's his lack of perseverance in this silly ONEitis ego-investment that dooms them. Once the LDR inevitably ends he's the one left with the self-doubt, he's the one beating himself up over wasting time, money and effort and he's the one feeling guilty whether he or she is the 'cheater'.

An LDR is like having an invisible friend with whom you're constantly considering the course of your actions with. Consider the personal, romantic, familial, educational, ambition-wise, business-wise, personally maturity and growth opportunities that you've limited yourself from or never had a chance to experience because of this invisible friend. When you finally divorce yourself from this invisible friend, will it have all been worth it? Guys cling to LDRs because they've yet to learn, in POOK's inimitable words, that Rejection is better than Regret. AFCs will nurse along an LDR for years because it seems the better option when compared with actually going out and meeting new women who are potential rejection. They think its better to stick with the 'sure thing' than risk possible rejection, but it's the long term regret that is the inevitable result of an LDR that is life damaging. Nothing reeks of desperation or verifies a lack of confidence more than a guy who self-righteously proclaims he's in an LDR. Women see you coming a mile off, because you are a guy without options. In fact the only reason a man entertains an LDR is due to a lack of options. If you had more plates spinning an LDR would never look like a good idea. And finally, I'm sure I'll see the "not in my case" defense posted here about how you actually DO see your invisible friend once every 4 or six months. To this I'll say again, what opportunities are you censoring yourself from experiencing by playing house with a woman you only see this often? Do you honestly think you're the exception to the rule?

 

[TakenDirectly]

It might sound so odd to say this, but IMO she is complete trash! Ok, like many already said, you did a lot (and maybe too much) for this girl. My guess was in hopes for her to like you as much as you liked her. She then GOES BACK TO HER EX after you put yourself through all the trouble of finding time for her?!?!?! **** THAT PIECE OF **** ASS MOTHER****ER!!! DO NOT DO NOT DEVALUE YOURSELF LIKE THAT! Dude, there are many many many other women in this world that do not live 2 ****ing states away that can and will digg you if you give them the chance. Accept that this girl was just not worth all the trouble and learn from it. If she contacts you just ignore her or give her short replies. Treat her the way she needs to be treated, like a pest that you wanna get rid of and move on.

 

[slaog]

It's time to let go of your invisible friend.

There is no such thing as an LDR, because you have no relationship. An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a relationship. There is no reciprocity of anything more than words passing over a phone line or an IM text. Understand me here – you have no relationship. What you have is self-assumed accountability, self-assumed liability, and internalized responsibilities to be loyal to this person. You have fidelity to an idealization, and in spite what anyone outside of your LDR will regularly tell you is insanity, this is becomes personal attack on this most insidious form of ONEitis.

LDRs are the most easily identifiable form of ONEitis and it would be laughable if it weren't so damaging to a guy's life and maturity progression. An LDR man will sacrifice years of his life in this pitiable effort to pursue his 'soulmate' across the planet or even a hundred miles away. In fact the very thought of refuting the idea that an LDR could work is equal to telling him his ONEitis isn't his soulmate. It’s easy to criticize an LDR in the terms of either party's earnestness and fidelity in entertaining an LDR, and unfortunately this is usually the tact that most people giving advice on LDRs follow. One or both parties are or will 'cheat' on the fantasized relationship over the course of time. Its true, but LDRs are far more telling of a ONEitis mentality that results in much more damaging consequences as a result of deeply conditioned self-expectations and fears.

I can't begin to list the number of otherwise intelligent and ambitious men I’ve known who've drastically altered the course of their lives to follow their ONE. Men who've changed their majors in college, who've selected or switched universities, men who've applied for jobs in states they would never have considered, accepted jobs that are sub-standard to their ambitions or qualifications, men who've renounced former religions and men who've moved across the planet all in an effort to better accommodate an idealized woman with whom they've played pseudo-boyfriend for over the course of an LDR, only to find that she wasn't the person they thought she was and became depressive over the gravity that their decisions played in their lives.

An LDR is akin to a LJBF, but writ large and festering longer with greater impact in a man's life. You play surrogate boyfriend, voluntarily accepting and internalizing all of the responsibilities and accountabilities of being a woman's exclusive, monogamous partner with no expectation of reciprocating intimacy or sexuality. It is the ideal situation for a woman in the same manner a Booty Call is for a man - all sex with no expectations of monogamy or commitment. However an LDR is worse than a LJBF arrangement since it perversely locks a man into a success or failure mentality with regards to the "relationship" actually being legitimate. Afterall, she's agreed to be his girlfriend (from miles away) and if he's the one to falter it's his lack of perseverance in this silly ONEitis ego-investment that dooms them. Once the LDR inevitably ends he's the one left with the self-doubt, he's the one beating himself up over wasting time, money and effort and he's the one feeling guilty whether he or she is the 'cheater'.

An LDR is like having an invisible friend with whom you're constantly considering the course of your actions with. Consider the personal, romantic, familial, educational, ambition-wise, business-wise, personally maturity and growth opportunities that you've limited yourself from or never had a chance to experience because of this invisible friend. When you finally divorce yourself from this invisible friend, will it have all been worth it? Guys cling to LDRs because they've yet to learn, in POOK's inimitable words, that Rejection is better than Regret. AFCs will nurse along an LDR for years because it seems the better option when compared with actually going out and meeting new women who are potential rejection. They think its better to stick with the 'sure thing' than risk possible rejection, but it's the long term regret that is the inevitable result of an LDR that is life damaging. Nothing reeks of desperation or verifies a lack of confidence more than a guy who self-righteously proclaims he's in an LDR. Women see you coming a mile off, because you are a guy without options. In fact the only reason a man entertains an LDR is due to a lack of options. If you had more plates spinning an LDR would never look like a good idea. And finally, I'm sure I'll see the "not in my case" defense posted here about how you actually DO see your invisible friend once every 4 or six months. To this I'll say again, what opportunities are you censoring yourself from experiencing by playing house with a woman you only see this often? Do you honestly think you're the exception to the rule?

Well thats the negative of LDR's. There are alot of successful LDR's and if 2 people get on great after meeting then waiting a bit does no harm. It gives men time to think about other things besides women. If the time spent waiting was spent on self improving then it wouldn't be time wasted. I'd rather wait for a good woman then have 1000 ordinary plates.


Having said that good judgment is needed to make sure the woman is a quality woman and trustworthy.

 

[snowdog]

It's probably horrible advice; but whenever I'm down I like to go to the bar with a good friend, and get drunk.

 

[DonGorgon]

Its not just the EX... there are other men she is fing but wont tell you about cause it will tarnish her innocent image... anyway ... you time is up and your turn is over.. its other mens turns now... move on with dignity..

 

[ChaoticGamer]

You know,

I wish I read this, the day you guys posted it!

I'm experiencing a case so similar to this, But with the only difference I that I traveled a long distance to be with a girl, that I ended up not liking as much as before. and for that reason I called an ex-Gf Who I started dating again and regularly during my time there (If there's such a thing of regularly considering) .

The thing is, I unconsciously fell for this girl, Even though I believed My inner game was strong, it isn't as much really. Because after I returned I contacted her to tell her I wanted to spend X-Mas with her, and... She Blew me Off, Gave me the "There's something I need to tell you speech". and she basically said, she had been dating some other friend of hers just days before I arrived. and that she felt our thing will not work, cuz of the distance... and that she felt that she needed someone to be there for her, someone who had a 'Normal life' in her city. And as long as I don't resolve that, then there's no us.

She temporarily destroyed me, when she added that she thinks I'm jealous, cautious and needy. That really knocked me down because It took me a lot of reading and practicing to become better at social circumstances. (Believe me, I've done a lot of reading & practicing)

Anyways It's interesting to read from one of you guys that A girl in this kinda situation is probably using me, to clarify her doubts about what she actually wants to do with whatever guy she has close. (reassurance that she's able and capable of making guys fall head over heels for her)

Never again will I fall in this trap of self-deception. And the patterns are always a constant in this case, you see, I even wrote her an e-mail when her decision was already made. What an AFC move that was. And makes a reference to a behavior one of you guys described: "Maybe I can change her mind". I even did some more talkin' in order to convince her to 'wait' for me (what a loser). But it only served to make things worse. Like a good female friend of mine told me: "It's like the cops you see on TV say: Everything you say can be used against you".

How right you Masters ARE, "There's no talking my way Out of this"; Only through awakening powerful emotions inside of her. And that can only be accomplished through a solid Bond. One I can't satisfy while away.

Please Guys, enlighten me more with your Wisdom. I need to become better at this.

Earlier I read that the thing to do in this case Would have been To Break Up with her FIRST ! Which now I CAN NOT do. However, I'd like to have your advice on what to Tell Her Now(for example, like a month from now), So that I sound like I didn't mind about her decision, and especially to trick her into thinking she made a favor to me by rejecting me. Cuz I gained my freedom back, Kinda like sayin': 'Girls beware: I'm back in the game'. And also; Is there a way to tell her... (in some way) I break up with you!
Don't tell there isn't a way to say this. I WANT AT LEAST SOMETHING I CAN TELL HER, after all one of you said, I should walk away with dignity. Well, This would be the way Of gettin' Dignity back (for stupid it may sound)

Have a Nice day

 

[traffic]

That sucks that you live in a state with no women in it.

 

[slaog]

You know,

I wish I read this, the day you guys posted it!

I'm experiencing a case so similar to this, But with the only difference I that I traveled a long distance to be with a girl, that I ended up not liking as much as before. and for that reason I called an ex-Gf Who I started dating again and regularly during my time there (If there's such a thing of regularly considering) .

The thing is, I unconsciously fell for this girl, Even though I believed My inner game was strong, it isn't as much really. Because after I returned I contacted her to tell her I wanted to spend X-Mas with her, and... She Blew me Off, Gave me the "There's something I need to tell you speech". and she basically said, she had been dating some other friend of hers just days before I arrived. and that she felt our thing will not work, cuz of the distance... and that she felt that she needed someone to be there for her, someone who had a 'Normal life' in her city. And as long as I don't resolve that, then there's no us.

She temporarily destroyed me, when she added that she thinks I'm jealous, cautious and needy. That really knocked me down because It took me a lot of reading and practicing to become better at social circumstances. (Believe me, I've done a lot of reading & practicing)

Anyways It's interesting to read from one of you guys that A girl in this kinda situation is probably using me, to clarify her doubts about what she actually wants to do with whatever guy she has close. (reassurance that she's able and capable of making guys fall head over heels for her)

Never again will I fall in this trap of self-deception. And the patterns are always a constant in this case, you see, I even wrote her an e-mail when her decision was already made. What an AFC move that was. And makes a reference to a behavior one of you guys described: "Maybe I can change her mind". I even did some more talkin' in order to convince her to 'wait' for me (what a loser). But it only served to make things worse. Like a good female friend of mine told me: "It's like the cops you see on TV say: Everything you say can be used against you".

How right you Masters ARE, "There's no talking my way Out of this"; Only through awakening powerful emotions inside of her. And that can only be accomplished through a solid Bond. One I can't satisfy while away.

Please Guys, enlighten me more with your Wisdom. I need to become better at this.

Earlier I read that the thing to do in this case Would have been To Break Up with her FIRST ! Which now I CAN NOT do. However, I'd like to have your advice on what to Tell Her Now(for example, like a month from now), So that I sound like I didn't mind about her decision, and especially to trick her into thinking she made a favor to me by rejecting me. Cuz I gained my freedom back, Kinda like sayin': 'Girls beware: I'm back in the game'. And also; Is there a way to tell her... (in some way) I break up with you!
Don't tell there isn't a way to say this. I WANT AT LEAST SOMETHING I CAN TELL HER, after all one of you said, I should walk away with dignity. Well, This would be the way Of gettin' Dignity back (for stupid it may sound)

Have a Nice day

What are you beating yourself up over? You made a few mistakes and had a bad experiance. It will do you good if you learn from it. Nobody's going to become a DJ overnight.


Why bother telling her anything now? Just forget about her. If you are still speaking regulary to her just don't mention it because (you want her to believe that) it doesn't matter to you. You can tell her she made the right decision to not see you anymore etc.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Well thats the negative of LDR's. There are alot of successful LDR's and if 2 people get on great after meeting then waiting a bit does no harm. It gives men time to think about other things besides women. If the time spent waiting was spent on self improving then it wouldn't be time wasted.

When you have no real options to begin with, this may seem like logic. It's much easier to turn your necessity into a virtue when you're optionless anyway.

I'd rather wait for a good woman then have 1000 ordinary plates.

And how do you know a "good woman" unless you've gone through a few plates prior to meeting her? Guys don't search out SoSuave on Google because they're getting too much pussie.

And if anything compromises self-respect (assuming an AFC even has a concept of that) it's a Scarcity/Sniper mentality. Worry less about the guys tapping their "harems" and more about the chump crucifying himself to be the martyr for his singular "dream girl". He's far more common.

 

[slaog]

When you have no real options to begin with, this may seem like logic. It's much easier to turn your necessity into a virtue when you're optionless anyway.

And how do you know a "good woman" unless you've gone through a few plates prior to meeting her? Guys don't search out SoSuave on Google because they're getting too much pussie.

And if anything compromises self-respect (assuming an AFC even has a concept of that) it's a Scarcity/Sniper mentality. Worry less about the guys tapping their "harems" and more about the chump crucifying himself to be the martyr for his singular "dream girl". He's far more common.

It's not about having no options its about finding a quality woman. I have met loads of women and I don't want any of them because I didn't find them attractive. Maybe thats because I have high standards but it's certainly nothing to do with options. Quality over quantity


I would think most posters on Sosuave would prefer to have lots of plates but if thats what makes them happy then thats their choice.