I found this on DPD and how it applies to relationships:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dependent_personality_disorder
Dependent individuals play the inferior role to the superior other very well; they communicate to the dominant people in their lives that they are useful, sympathetic, strong, and competent.[1] With these methods, individuals with DPD are often able to get along with unpredictable or isolated people.[10] To further make this possible, individuals with DPD will approach both their own and others' failures and shortcomings with a saccharine attitude and indulgent tolerance.[11] They will engage in a mawkish minimization, denial, or distortion of both their own and others' negative, self-defeating, or destructive behaviors to sustain an idealized, and sometimes fictional, story of the relationships upon which they depend. They will deny their individuality, their differences, and ask for little other than acceptance and support.[12]
Not only will individuals with DPD subordinate their needs to those of others, they will meet unreasonable demands and submit to abuse and intimidation to avoid isolation and abandonment.[13] Dependent individuals so fear being unable to function alone that they will agree with things they believe are wrong rather than risk losing the help of people upon whom they depend.[14] They will volunteer for unpleasant tasks if that will bring them the care and support they need. They will make extraordinary self-sacrifices to maintain important bonds.[15]
It is important to note that individuals with DPD, in spite of the intensity of their need for others, do not necessarily attach strongly to specific individuals, i.e., they will become quickly and indiscriminately attached to others when they have lost a significant relationship.[16] It is the strength of the dependency needs that is being addressed; attachment figures are basically interchangeable. Attachment to others is a self-referenced and, at times, haphazard process of securing the protection of the most readily available powerful other willing to provide nurturance and care.[17]
Both DPD and HPD are distinguished from other personality disorders by their need for social approval and affection and by their willingness to live in accord with the desires of others. They both feel paralyzed when they are alone and need constant assurance that they will not be abandoned. Individuals with DPD are passive individuals who lean on others to guide their lives. People with HPD are active individuals who take the initiative to arrange and modify the circumstances of their lives. They have the will and ability to take charge of their lives and to make active demands on others.[18]
My girlfriend definitely has some of the DPD tendencies but I wouldn't say she
fits the classification 100pct. A dependent personality does not mean they suffer from a disorder. I think all women worth having long term should exhibit some dependent behavior. I've had the opposite of a dependent woman and they lack loyalty and have big ego's. Like the Gambler said, its about being "centered"!
My gf came from an alocholic mother and father who divorced when she was young. She was passed back and forth between the parents. She said she often felt alone when her mom was passed out drunk and she had to do the laundry and cook all by herself at age 8. At age 16 her mom pretty much told her to move out.
Her dad was busy being single and chasing tail which made her feel like she wasnt always wanted.
The disconnect from her mother and father definitely set the stage for feelings of abandonment and a dependency on whomever she thought would be there for her.
Luckily she had some great grandparents that were there for her and taught her life skills that her parents didn't. Her grandparents gave her that security and served as that strong caretaker that was there for her.
To this day she looks up to her grandparents and mentions them often. They died several years ago but she still struggles a little with that. She often tells me I remind her of her grandpa which I take as a compliment.
I have no doubt that the negative DPD traits she does have stemmed from what happened in her childhood.
She definitely looks to me to take the lead. She has a tough time being assertive. She is definitely submissive in a lot of aspects. She is the type that will be taken advantage of when dealing with some one who doesn't care about being fair to the other. Shes got a history of dating guys whom she financed their toys for them and got screwed financially.
On bad days she feels like she is inept, and suffers from mild anxiety. Doesn't take constructive criticism very well at all.
She's not so dependent that she can't make a major purchase like buying a house or new vehicle by herself. She's done that several times.
She is a girl that always wants to be with me. I'm the high light of her day. She needs reassurance. She worries when I'm gone and she doesn't hear from me. She'll think the worst and dream up some crazy idea in her head.
She is very loyal to me.
Those that have DPD don't attach to specific individuals becauase they view those individuals as being interchangeable. They also fear disagreeing with people due to fear of abandonment. She doesn't show any of this.
I don't think its wise to throw away a girl who is somewhat dependent. I"d also be careful with labels. There are a lot of good things that come with being dependent. Truth be told, the typical poster on this site describes this kind of girl as something to be desired.
