Demi/Ashton thing

[butterflybliss]

Im new to this, so take it easy on me!! Okay, I want your opinion on the new guy in my life...but I have to give you some background info first.

I'm recently (happily) divorced and age 31....noone ever believes my age, say I look around 23 more or less.

A few months ago I met this man who looked, talked and seemed in my age bracket. turns out, he was only 20.

Big shock for me, because 20 didn't come that way when I was 20. Anyway, I couldn't help but be interested at first because real honestly you know what they say about older girl/younger guys. In my opinion, its a great combo.

Anyway, we hung out a few times and we seem to have a lot in common. There is a lot of chemistry, lots lots lots.

So now we are not sure what to do, its almost like eating your heart out to lose the weight later because everyone says it won't work.

So, my question is can a man honestly fall for a girl 10 years older than him. I'm not looking for a commitment, I want to have fun but I am seeming to be falling for this one. I'm new to the whole scene again and need some tips from you guys...

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

In my opinion it cannot work in the long run but I'm pretty sure you could have some AMAZING sex and fun going on.

 

[Reto]

NO !!!

(coming from a guy whose 33 year old ex left him for a 25 year old crack head)...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by butterflybliss
So, my question is can a man honestly fall for a girl 10 years older than him. I'm not looking for a commitment, I want to have fun but I am seeming to be falling for this one. I'm new to the whole scene again and need some tips from you guys...

I wouldn't worry about the age thing. Just focus on guys that have the qualities that you enjoy and the mentality to match. There can be a connection as long as each of your similar needs are met through the relationship, 10 years is not a big deal.

However, you should consider getting out into the dating field and date a few guys for a year or so. Don't focus on any one guy in hopes that he could be the one. During this period you should focus on doing an inventory of your marriage and come to certain conclusions about you, your ex and your relationship. This should be done so if you do come across 'Mr. Right,' he would not have to be the target of your past relationship issues that you had not addressed.

So take some time, focus on yourself and if necessary, redefine yourself as a contemporary single woman. Determine the traits that you would want in a man while getting back into the dating scene. Don't feel that you have to jump into a relationship but by all means, please do not become a 'professional dater' who goes out with guys just to boost her own ego.

 

[WatchMeWalk]

If you genuinely like him and are not out to prove to your girlfriends that you "still have the groove" then go for it.

 

[butterflybliss]

Thanks, I actually have been meeting/dating other people and he is on my mind a lot. At first, I won't lie, it was flattering especially because he has an incredible body and a beautiful face...that's how the whole thing about Demi/Ashton started. But now, I'm starting to get over it. I actually like HIM.

The problem is I think he is having a hard time with my age (as a number) because on the surface, in public, in private we seem to look and go great together. It's hard to believe there is such an age gap between us.

My only concern is that he see me as an "experience", not as a potential anything. I'm into having all the fun in the world, but I don't want to be a booty call either.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by butterflybliss
My only concern is that he see me as an "experience", not as a potential anything. I'm into having all the fun in the world, but I don't want to be a booty call either.

I can understand your concern but lets face it, if you are an attractive woman, guys will want to sleep with you, simple as that. Obviously you need to either find out what this guy's intentions are OR come to comfort level that you have trust in yourself to handle the experience if it doesn't go exactly the way you would like it.

Sometimes in life you have to take a chance. Understand that it's your choice about how you choose to experience it. You can either focus on the good times that you are having at the moment or play it safe and tread lightly around the fears that lie beneath.

 

[dietzcoi]

I am 43, was dating a 21 year old college girl. Was fun but in the end could not work out. A lot of issues, but the age thing was always there. Hope you can deal with it but I doubt it will last. He is too young to know what he wants and should not in any case settle down at this age!

Dietzcoi

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
I am 43, was dating a 21 year old college girl. Was fun but in the end could not work out. A lot of issues, but the age thing was always there. Hope you can deal with it but I doubt it will last. He is too young to know what he wants and should not in any case settle down at this age!

Dietzcoi

Hate to burst your bubble but one of my best relationships with an older woman when I was 19 and she was 32. We were together for over 10 years.

Age isn't the issue. What counts is whether the relationship provides for the needs of both people. Of course one shouldn't jump into any relationship blindly and get caught up in the romance of it. Without that common ground even people of similar age will have trouble with their relationship.

 

[butterflybliss]

Thanks for your help in this issue, it really has helped me.

Do you think it is different if the man is younger, the woman is older?

I do understand that he shouldn't settle down especially at such an early age, but in my current situation I am not looking to remarry, I need time to really get to know myself and relearn a lot of things. Because there is no pressure there on either side, it may be a very fulfilling relationship for both. On my end i'm in it sincerely, I like his company and he is more mature in many levels than many men twice his age. That is what is most attractive to me.

I did mention to him that I didn't expect for him to just see me (It's not really what I want, but I also don't want to be selfish...does this make sense?)

He seems to not enjoy shuffling between women, says it misses the point and I felt his response was sincere, but I wonder if he is starting to develop feelings he may decide it is too much for him and give up all together.

I find that I have a lot of thinking and working to do on my approach. This site has great insight. It helps us who don't have brothers, are not close with our dads...to see it like it is.

Just this weekend he was busy doing his thing and I started to freak out, you know the soap opera started in my head. By Sunday I was ready to give up. How weak can we be? Then when he finally got around to calling me I felt so stupid. What do I expect? We had a great date, we like eachother a lot one step at a time.

Thanks for grounding me a bit, life is great this way because you learn in unexpected places. I really do appreciate this advise.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by butterflybliss
Thanks for your help in this issue, it really has helped me.

Do you think it is different if the man is younger, the woman is older?

It depends. By our nature, we (men) feel that we have to be in control of the situation. Unfortunately, we more times than not attribute money to that control or power. A younger man may feel some inferiority by not being at the same level of means as his older girlfriend. It's just something to consider.

Overall, age is just an attitude, a mental trip. From what you have said about him, he may be more settled that the average guy his age. You'll have to find that out for yourself, through time and the experiences you have with him.

Just remember that you are single and that you do not have to sit around by the phone waiting on his or anyone's call. Get out and experience meeting new people. Spread your wings, he's interested, he'll call.

 

[NMMWCR]

My best relationship ever was with a woman who was 8 years older. Go for it.