Been on 5 or so dates with this girl, furthest I've gotten was just kissing. She seems to show high IOI so I've been working to close her. She wanted to hang out yesterday, I told her she could come over to my place and we could get cozy. Her response: "I'm definitely not going to have sex with you, if thats what you're going for you're wasting your time", obvious sh!t test, I laughed and I blew her off, went out with a different different girl instead. She's called and texted making small talk, no mention of sex or dating. Whats the best way to respond to that statement?
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
"definitely not having sex with you" sh!t test
- Thread starter Von_S
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
5string
Master Don Juan
Stay distant and indifferent. Act like it's no big deal. She'll come a runnin and fvck you eventually.
Many times a woman will tell you the exact opposite of what she really wants to do.
Many times a woman will tell you the exact opposite of what she really wants to do.
All it means is that she is thinking about having sex with you, which is a good thing.
Personally I use freezeouts when faced with that type of LMR. (after I've blown off her initial attempts in a dismissive fashion - I might reply with "cute" then just keep being physical. Pretty much what she says isnt going to stop me unless its very forceful).
I'm awesome in bed and she's lucky to be with me, so if she starts to resist my advance, I withdraw from her physically.
Personally I use freezeouts when faced with that type of LMR. (after I've blown off her initial attempts in a dismissive fashion - I might reply with "cute" then just keep being physical. Pretty much what she says isnt going to stop me unless its very forceful).
I'm awesome in bed and she's lucky to be with me, so if she starts to resist my advance, I withdraw from her physically.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
What's the best way to respond to going on 5+ dates with an adult woman and not getting any sex? I think you know the answer to that.
I went through this a few years ago. Went on 5 dates with a girl who I thought showed high IL. On dates #2 - #4, I politely invited her to my apartment, which she declined. On date #5 I flaked...because f**k that sh*t.
I explained my situation to an ex gf, and she responded with something that I still hold onto: "5 dates and no sex? F**k that. This girl wants to play boyfriend with you."
Basically meaning, this girl wants the benefits of a boyfriend: movie dates, someone to text/call, someone to pay attention to her...but without giving up any of her own power (aka sex).
I'm sure throughout the course of history, there have been plenty of guys who successfully waited for a woman to put out. But I don't do that anymore. I almost feel like it's disrespectful, since it's obvious that you like her (5 dates), but she doesn't want to commit to liking you, and she doesn't want to commit to disliking you by walking away. So she wants to maintain her level of power/control, and give you nothing in return.
Maximummax
Senior Don Juan
Iceberg Said it
Emotional tampon
She wants to use you as an tool to go out and have some fun
when someone better comes along, she will ditch you...get then point!
Emotional tampon
She wants to use you as an tool to go out and have some fun
when someone better comes along, she will ditch you...get then point!
The girl I am seeing told me AFTER we had sex for the first time that she was going to tell me I can forget it if I come over with any motives.
So what they say or going to say is not to be taken seriously, just keep escalating until she actually/seriously says no.
So what they say or going to say is not to be taken seriously, just keep escalating until she actually/seriously says no.
well, look at it this way. girls have said things to me in the past that
lead me to believe they had very high interest in me, that turned out to
not be the case (at least it changed at some point). So, logic would tell you that
if a girl says something to you that could indicate low interest, does that necessarily
make it so (or is it something you can probably change if not)? Who the hell knows.
Just be casual, escalate and play the part would be my advice.
As long as you dont get all emotional about it. Then, forget it.
lead me to believe they had very high interest in me, that turned out to
not be the case (at least it changed at some point). So, logic would tell you that
if a girl says something to you that could indicate low interest, does that necessarily
make it so (or is it something you can probably change if not)? Who the hell knows.
Just be casual, escalate and play the part would be my advice.
As long as you dont get all emotional about it. Then, forget it.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
ha ha , I got this from one of my random pickups in the city. Here is what happened.
Myself and friends went out on the town to an event. They managed to find a group of girls, and took them back to the hotel. The last chick who was with the trio pretty much bailed on me as did my friends. Crap. Talk about falling flat on my face. I got some inspiration and went to the bar by myself, got myself a drink and did a lap. Saw a girl sitting at the bar by herself and went for it.
As far as the conversation went, it was dominated by 'why I should buy her a drink'. My contention was that it was stupid to do that, and told her I could go somewhere else. She went on to tell me that nothing was going to happen. After some more conversation, we start making out and it becomes apparent that she should come back to the hotel with me. Well my friends left so I had to occupy this chick somehow who was still insistent that no sex would be had. I decide to isolate her in the emergency stairwell where she proceeds to give me head. Still sex won't happen. Well after a while of that, I hear back from my boys that them and their chicks are coming back to the hotel, so I decide to bring mine back too.
The chick I was with ( who has said 100 times that sex won't happen) asked who my friends girlfriends were and I said something like ' they just met them'. Her shocked response was ' great I am one of those girls too'. I crash, as do all my friends, so I decide to wake up and see if this chick is down for sex. She is. I ****ed her right next to 4 other people , despite hours of her saying otherwise, and in a situation which isn't conducive towards it.
Lesson here? Don't listen to them. The more frequently they say they won't have sex, the better the odds. That means you in their head. Think of it as a good thing that they mention it. If it doesn't happen, whatever.
To the OP: I know your on date #5, but I think what you need to understand here is that its going to take some escalation on your end to make it happen. Men are pro active, women are reactive. You simply have to make the first move. If she is just using you, move on but be sure this is the case and not an instance where you aren't taking enough initiative.
Myself and friends went out on the town to an event. They managed to find a group of girls, and took them back to the hotel. The last chick who was with the trio pretty much bailed on me as did my friends. Crap. Talk about falling flat on my face. I got some inspiration and went to the bar by myself, got myself a drink and did a lap. Saw a girl sitting at the bar by herself and went for it.
As far as the conversation went, it was dominated by 'why I should buy her a drink'. My contention was that it was stupid to do that, and told her I could go somewhere else. She went on to tell me that nothing was going to happen. After some more conversation, we start making out and it becomes apparent that she should come back to the hotel with me. Well my friends left so I had to occupy this chick somehow who was still insistent that no sex would be had. I decide to isolate her in the emergency stairwell where she proceeds to give me head. Still sex won't happen. Well after a while of that, I hear back from my boys that them and their chicks are coming back to the hotel, so I decide to bring mine back too.
The chick I was with ( who has said 100 times that sex won't happen) asked who my friends girlfriends were and I said something like ' they just met them'. Her shocked response was ' great I am one of those girls too'. I crash, as do all my friends, so I decide to wake up and see if this chick is down for sex. She is. I ****ed her right next to 4 other people , despite hours of her saying otherwise, and in a situation which isn't conducive towards it.
Lesson here? Don't listen to them. The more frequently they say they won't have sex, the better the odds. That means you in their head. Think of it as a good thing that they mention it. If it doesn't happen, whatever.
To the OP: I know your on date #5, but I think what you need to understand here is that its going to take some escalation on your end to make it happen. Men are pro active, women are reactive. You simply have to make the first move. If she is just using you, move on but be sure this is the case and not an instance where you aren't taking enough initiative.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Don't listen to them is good advice. The only problem is when you're getting "i won't have sex with you" after date #5.synergy1 said:
It's one thing when a girl says we're not having sex on your cab ride back to your apartment. Because you already know she's isolated, AND heading back to your apartment.
...It's another thing when a girl has qualified you enough over 5 dates, and still won't make any moves past kissing.
I hate seeing guys in this situation because I hated being in this situation.
thats why i don't really care too much about exactly what they say, rather the means of it. if you can tell that she has low interest then there's not much to keep the courtship going or something. when you believe in yourself then how can it be very hard to make anything happen?
Iceberg has it I think, if this was a first night pick up in a bar, and she dropped that line, who cares, but this pretty far along. She just texted asking to go to lunch, I'm going to give her the "nah I'm busy", I've got other plates spinning and I feel she's misleading me which is disrespectful.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Maximummax
Senior Don Juan
Let us know the updates
Are you sure she's not interested in a girlfriend instead?Von_S said:
Translation: "I am thinking of sex with you but I don't wanna look like a slut. BUT, if you play your cards right and seduce me, I am gonna be jumping on your cock later tonight."
Reminds me of this ONS I had a couple of years back. I'm having a couple of beers with this girl and I'm getting tons of kino from her. I tell her "Hey listen, I gotta go. I have to go to work tomorrow." She's all like "Hey, let me walk with you to the parking lot..."
She comes out of the bar with me and I grab her and give her a good passionate kiss and she comes back with "Hey, do you come hang out for a bit? I live close by..." "Sure, but we're just gonna hang out, okay?
" I tell her with a huge grin and wink. She tells me "We're not gonna have sex, okay?" "Sure thing sweetie! " I tell her.We get to her place and I sit on her couch and turn on the TV. She sits next to me and we start making out. She says "this is all you're getting okay?" I tell her "Uh-huh. Sure!
" She then unzips my pants and is giving me a BJ. Since she realized that I wasn't cumming, she says "We're gonna have to fuck, aren't we?" "What do you think? "Next thing I know, she takes off her panties and she's jumping on my cock. I did her doggy and reverse cowgirl as well that night.
So whenever a girl tells me "I'm not having sex with you!" I just grin and plow.
Mantis Toboggan
Master Don Juan
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vatoloco said:Translation: "I am thinking of sex with you but I don't wanna look like a slut. BUT, if you play your cards right and seduce me, I am gonna be jumping on your cock later tonight."
Reminds me of this ONS I had a couple of years back. I'm having a couple of beers with this girl and I'm getting tons of kino from her. I tell her "Hey listen, I gotta go. I have to go to work tomorrow." She's all like "Hey, let me walk with you to the parking lot..."
She comes out of the bar with me and I grab her and give her a good passionate kiss and she comes back with "Hey, do you come hang out for a bit? I live close by..." "Sure, but we're just gonna hang out, okay?
We get to her place and I sit on her couch and turn on the TV. She sits next to me and we start making out. She says "this is all you're getting okay?" I tell her "Uh-huh. Sure!
Next thing I know, she takes off her panties and she's jumping on my cock. I did her doggy and reverse cowgirl as well that night.
So whenever a girl tells me "I'm not having sex with you!" I just grin and plow.
Sounds like you had a great night....but like other guys said earlier, it seems like your situation is related to a girl you were having a few beers with one night.
The OPs issue is with a girl he's been on 5 or more dates with. If she were so horny for him, why wasn't this revealed earlier on?
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.