Deep, Inner Game Issues?

[randalll]

do other people struggle to respond to a comment in time (perhaps stuttering or something which displays insecurity), then think about what they should have said, and how, and kick themselves, because i seem to do this a lot!

girls i meet always like me as a person but feel no attraction, this is because im quite shy and often get anxious in social settings, which frequently makes her lose any attraction she may have had for me. it's because of this i very rarely hang around with one women on my own

i know quite a lot about how attraction works, i just struggle to display a confident personality when im around people

the main problem i have is being able to say what i want to, and say it in time, and in the right way (speed and tone of voice etc)

im wondering if its because im nervous or something?

i just want to be able to improve my conversation skills and be more confident so i can become more successful

any advice?

i dont wanna start listening to hypnosis tapes or something!

thanks

randall

 

[WC2]

Most of what you're describing is your brain at work. The more you think, the more you're going to come off as nervous and insecure. There really is no good answer to this question.. as the only way to learn is the HARD way (through your own actions). It takes awhile to build up confidence with women.

Take my advice and start CARING a little less. If you let go of care, then things just seem to flow better. Stop caring what girls think of you. There are plenty of women out there, who cares if 1 thinks you're a scumbag or an idiot. Be genuine and be yourself. Now this doesn't mean be boring

I wasn't too confident socially in high school, but I quickly grew out of it when I got to college. So trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

good luck

 

[L777]

Most of what you're describing is your brain at work. The more you think, the more you're going to come off as nervous and insecure. There really is no good answer to this question.. as the only way to learn is the HARD way (through your own actions). It takes awhile to build up confidence with women.

Take my advice and start CARING a little less. If you let go of care, then things just seem to flow better. Stop caring what girls think of you. There are plenty of women out there, who cares if 1 thinks you're a scumbag or an idiot. Be genuine and be yourself. Now this doesn't mean be boring

I wasn't too confident socially in high school, but I quickly grew out of it when I got to college. So trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

good luck

Pretty much ditto....don't think, just act....****iness isn't a bad thing as well, take some risks.

Btw I'm a manc as well, when I get finished with my year in America I'll be back there....we should go pick up some birds lad!!

 

[Interceptor]

do other people struggle to respond to a comment in time (perhaps stuttering or something which displays insecurity), then think about what they should have said, and how, and kick themselves, because i seem to do this a lot!

girls i meet always like me as a person but feel no attraction, this is because im quite shy and often get anxious in social settings, which frequently makes her lose any attraction she may have had for me. it's because of this i very rarely hang around with one women on my own

i know quite a lot about how attraction works, i just struggle to display a confident personality when im around people

the main problem i have is being able to say what i want to, and say it in time, and in the right way (speed and tone of voice etc)
m wondering if its because im nervous or something?

i just want to be able to improve my conversation skills and be more confident so i can become more successful

any advice?

i dont wanna start listening to hypnosis tapes or something!

thanks

randall

Randall, number one, let's Re Think what are your EXPECTATIONS from women you interact with.

Do not set a standard so high that you get bummed if a woman does not thow herself on you.
Also, do not set your personal standards so high, RIGHT NOW, because you arent at that level yet.
Remove yourself from that pressure.


What do you want from women?

In what place do you see women in your life? That is, are they our Top Priority or second, third?

What do you want to achieve in your interactions with women?

How do you see yourself interacting with women?
Are you needy, nervous, desperate, stuttering, non sexual, muttering, poor eye contact, poor posture, not smiling, etc?

Are you willing to adress these issues if they are evident?
can you put your Ego aside?
Do you try to be social just for its own sake?
Are trying to 'score" with every girl you interact with?
Do you feel that women are above you , that they are Superior to you?

DO you have a need to impress women?
Do you have a need to have EVERYTHING go PERFECTLY in an interaction, and WILL NOT ACCEPT anything LESS?

Are you overly analytical?

Are you working toward some goals in your life?
Do you have something going on in your life that is compelling and interesting?
Are you working out regularly?
Training martial art or boxing or something too?

DO you feel uncomfortable interacting with people because you feel they are ALL JUDGING you?
DO you feel un masculine, so you need to get VALIDATION form Women to make you feel like you really are a Man?

Are you working towards a life of INDEPENDENCE?
Are you pursuing High Character in your Life?



Start by answering these questions for yourself.

 

[randalll]

thanks for your replys everyone
other people have said i think too much as well, it's hard not too if you're nervous though, it's just a bad habit thats hard to break out of.

interceptor, most of the things you have said describe me well:


"DO you feel uncomfortable interacting with people because you feel they are ALL JUDGING you?"


this describes me well, it's probably because i was a bit of a loner in school and college, and again, its hard to break out of that


"Do you have a need to have EVERYTHING go PERFECTLY in an interaction, and WILL NOT ACCEPT anything LESS?"


YES. im always trying to say everything well, and in the right way, and this is probably why i fail.. because my brain's worried about me saying something wrong

i mean if im asked a question (or if i'm telling a story) my brain will be thinking "sh1t, how do i answer this one, say everything i want to say, and make it sound good?"

then i'll often struggle for the right words and i'll sound nervous

im shooting myself in the foot really!

randall

 

[ItsOnNow]

I have a problem with the judging thing as well,for similar reasons as to being a loner,and finding it hard to break the shell. I have the thinking twice about what I said problem as well.

 

[everywomanshero]

TO OP:

If your brain is spending all its resources thinking "what if she thinks X, what if I don't respond fast enough, I have to think of what to say next", then you're not really able to focus on the moment and the conversation at hand. You're too busy wasting resources worrying. It's a self-fuffiling prophecy.

There is this idea that a man has to do something to be attractive, he must pull a fake ear out and make her laugh, he must be a 3 star general, talk like dirty harry, etc. If you connect with a woman and she is having a great time, then she's going to feel attraction whether or not she will act on it.

 

[Interceptor]

Inner game is ultimately abou texpediently and intelligently managing your resources.

You will pay closer attention to how you manage your resources whn you see VALUE in them.



Women will push your buttons.

Society will push your buttons.

Relatives will push your buttons.

Career will push your buttons.

School will push your buttons.

Friends will push your buttons.

Spontaneous unexpected circumstances will push your buttons.


How do you RESPOND?



Without proper GROUNDING and being PRESENT in the Moment, you will REACT and LOSE CONTROL of your SELF and your RESOURCES.

Developing a strong Personal Boundary will help reduce and manage this.


A strong Identity is almost always the precursor to successful interaction dynamics with people and circumstances.


Wht do you like?
What do you not like?
What do you WANT?
What do you NOT want?

Knowing WHO you REALLY ARE...lessens the ANXIETY of WORRYING about what YOU will DO, or what you will SAY, or WHAT you shoudl THINK.
Knowing who you really are is the Security you need ot have your Peace of Mind.
This breeds Confidence.

When you are worrying, and you are Micro Managing this is a SIGN that you have LOST perspective.

There are ways to focus your attention on what you hold important to yourSELF, thus maintain COMPOSURE during difficult and challenging situations.

 

[DJVladdy]

Yea I can relate to that. It wasn't that bad for me in high school but I know how you're feeling buddy.

disclaimer: i assume you DO NOT have asperger's or clinical anxiety, anything like that.

You are English, there is a book and CD by an Enlish author and psychologist Paul McKenna. Put your ego aside, and listen/learn his stuff, it won't hurt.

I'm not as spiritual and motivational and smart as Interceptor, but I can point you in the right direction as someone your age. Here are your problems:

---You are in your head 100%. Relax your body, feel your hands, legs, mouth, become aware of them and their existance. Visualize your body, and become aware of every inch of it. When you are uncomfortable while talking w/people, do you even remember that you HAVE a body? Does everybody around you seem like a solid, absolute entity... while you feel like you are... something abstract, desperately hoping to fit into THEIR reality? Think of what i said and it will start to make sense.

---Yin and Yang. Man and woman. Masculine and feminine energy. One gives - other accepts, one acts - other re-acts, one penetrates - other takes in. One is solid (think of some container) - other is liquid (takes the shape of the container naturally). Which one are you?

 

[Damon]

Free Self Hypnosis MP3

I just finished a little project of mine. A high quality self hypnosis mp3 for Approaching Women. If you want it, it's free/nada/nothing. The link is on my blog.