"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Deciding about my future. I'd value some thoughts.

Boilermaker

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EastWind said:
Sorry for the late reply guys, I moved to a new apartment.

Sorry to say so, Boilermaker, but you sound like you're being urged yourself... I don't know by whom, but you seem to have this huge desire to prove yourself. Saying that men need to have achieved x by age y.

This is the point, actually. I feel that I've been told what the right way to do things is for so long that I can't actually imagine another way, even if I want to.
yes I am in a rush. and I see no shame in admitting that.

In fact, I am late.

and good luck to you, look at you, 25 with a BS degree and content enough to criticize (!) those who pay your rent and pay for your food, ...

having low ambitions in life is fine, so long as you accept the consequences.

I am lucky to say, I have never been rushed by anyone but myself, even though my family has always supported me.

See you in 15 years.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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EastWind

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Boilermaker said:
yes I am in a rush. and I see no shame in admitting that.

In fact, I am late.

and good luck to you, look at you, 25 with a BS degree and content enough to criticize (!) those who pay your rent and pay for your food, ...

having low ambitions in life is fine, so long as you accept the consequences.

I am lucky to say, I have never been rushed by anyone but myself, even though my family has always supported me.

See you in 15 years.
BS degree? Physics diploma from one of the best German technical universities? Which I had actually finished at 24? Now you're just trying to get at me. Or you haven't got your facts right.

What exactly are low ambitions? Anyone who isn't making big bucks by 30? Anyone who is not in a high-profile job?

I'm not sure where all your bitterness is coming from, but in any case it sounds like we're as different as night and day. All that said, I totally respect your personal opinions and goals.

Additionally, about not criticizing those who feed me, let me remind you that your parents probably paid for most of whatever you had until you were like... 14? 15? Even if you had a part-time job starting from age 11, they were still clothing you, feeding you... and you never criticized them? You weren't allowed, in hindsight? To realize, in other words, that they aren't perfect (and neither is anyone else?)
 
U

user43770

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Boilermaker said:
yes I am in a rush. and I see no shame in admitting that.

In fact, I am late.

and good luck to you, look at you, 25 with a BS degree and content enough to criticize (!) those who pay your rent and pay for your food, ...

having low ambitions in life is fine, so long as you accept the consequences.

I am lucky to say, I have never been rushed by anyone but myself, even though my family has always supported me.

See you in 15 years.

You feel guilty because you're still receiving help from your parents. I get it.
 

Boilermaker

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Haha you got me.

My big secret.

I feel so guilty.
 

Boilermaker

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EastWind said:
BS degree? Physics diploma from one of the best German technical universities? Which I had actually finished at 24? Now you're just trying to get at me. Or you haven't got your facts right.

What exactly are low ambitions? Anyone who isn't making big bucks by 30? Anyone who is not in a high-profile job?

I'm not sure where all your bitterness is coming from, but in any case it sounds like we're as different as night and day. All that said, I totally respect your personal opinions and goals.

Additionally, about not criticizing those who feed me, let me remind you that your parents probably paid for most of whatever you had until you were like... 14? 15? Even if you had a part-time job starting from age 11, they were still clothing you, feeding you... and you never criticized them? You weren't allowed, in hindsight? To realize, in other words, that they aren't perfect (and neither is anyone else?)
I know German system is different and probably you have accomplished more

than a BS -- but still it's not PhD. You are not a physicist, yet... (And I truly

hope you become one).

I wouldn't say I am bitter. It's my style.

My point is:

I don't think you are warranted to criticize your parents good wishes for you

before you become independent yourself.

What you "see" and "think" right now could be very different when you grow

up.

I just think you sound like a young guy who questions why he has to take Pre-

Calculus because he wants to be a doctor when he grows up.

All is good,

Good luck to you.

Cheers,
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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EastWind

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Boilermaker said:
I know German system is different and probably you have accomplished more

than a BS -- but still it's not PhD. You are not a physicist, yet... (And I truly

hope you become one).

I wouldn't say I am bitter. It's my style.

My point is:

I don't think you are warranted to criticize your parents good wishes for you

before you become independent yourself.

What you "see" and "think" right now could be very different when you grow

up.

I just think you sound like a young guy who questions why he has to take Pre-

Calculus because he wants to be a doctor when he grows up.

All is good,

Good luck to you.

Cheers,
I see what you're saying. Believe me, after years of giving out both unwarranted praise and criticism to my parents, I've found the middle ground. They have been nothing but good, well-meaning and awesome parents with tons of extremely good advice. Most of what they told me during my teenage years that I didn't believe or understand back then is now true and makes total sense. But nobody is exempt from error and nobody can completely escape their upbringing, which means that my father - who is 84 years old now, passes for 70 and grew up in a very different set of circumstances - has a few views which just... don't fit into today. And I don't mean the concept of working for your own life, I mean the difference between a time just after a world war which left Germany in ruins and with a crucial shortage of male labor force and one where this is not the case.

It's difficult for him to understand that today it's not so much about "just go out and get a job and you'll find one because they need everybody right now, and especially people with engineering degrees" but rather about "Well, the economy isn't all that well, lots of people have degrees and even assuming I have one, which of the eight billion possibilities do I want to pick and where are you not getting shafted as a worker?"
 
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