Howiestern said:
I just think its pretty pathetic that you got married in the first place if this is how you feel.
Sometimes the mind has a way of tricking you into believing you need this and that to be happy. But what you are doing reminds me of something a woman would do by acting on her "feelings".
Hey Howie, I can see why you'd think of all of this. But let me break it down as I see it.
Happiness is an emotion, and a goal. It's something you feel, and something you chase. A man's life should be spent making the decisions and taking the steps to achieve happiness. You'll never achieve 100% happiness, but as long as you keep moving toward it, you'll be happy.
It's not something you can intellectualize, e.g., "Well, I SHOULD be happy, I have x,y,z." Your mind is not tricking you if you are unhappy and want something different. If you choose to remain in situations that make you miserable, because you think you're supposed to be happy, then you're in for a lifetime of misery.
Whether it's feminine or masculine is irrelevant. Your time on this planet is short. Again, you can take the steps toward whatever gives you pleasure, or you can choose actions or inactions that leave you miserable. If you're worried that to pursue happiness makes you seem "feminine" to others, then you've laid a trap for yourself. Likewise if you think people will think you immoral, or lacking direction. If you think it's more "masculine" to accept a miserable situation, because it's not honorable to try to free yourself, again, you're in for a miserable life.
Some people have compared my actions with what a woman would do.
Here's a little secret: Man or woman, people are going to do what's best for themselves. I repeat: A person pursuing happiness will do what is best for his or her self. It's not my concern if a woman decides to leave her husband and children or cheat on him. She's not me. I could sit here and crow about how wrong or immoral it is, or how bad for society it is. Will that stop her from doing what she's decided to do? Not at all. Every person on this planet has to decide for himself the right path,
and accept the consequences that come with it. When I got married, I did what I wanted to do, and now I'm also doing what I want to do.
Finally, let me just reiterate something I said earlier. Although I did have to listen to my gut, I also had to make the decision in a rational state. I didn't just wake up and decide to get divorced because of my mood that morning. I had been feeling something wasn't right, and I examined it. After I'd let the emotions pass, I thought about how to execute the decision, rationally. I planned out what I'd say, prepared for what would happen next. I accepted the worst-case scenario as a possibility. I determined financially what I might lose (or gain). I analyzed whether it was the right decision for me. When I knew I was sure, I carried it out.
So yeah, it is about me, me, me. I'll cop to that. I'm not here to "take marriage seriously" or be respectful of wedding vows. I'm not here to stay committed to a woman in letter but not in spirit because of the law or society or family or whatever. I'm not here to worry about the stigma of divorce, or whether people think I'm acting like a woman, or immoral, amoral, whatever. I'm here to enjoy my life. I have accepted the consequences of my decisions and am living with them and paying for them. So is my wife. I recommend everyone try a little selfishness.
