decent looks, decent game, no girls?

[garruk]

hey all, long time lurker, first time poster


i finally felt like it was time to join this community.

theres a problem thats kinda recurring over and over.

im a decent looking guy, have had a number of girls say so, and at parties ( im in college) i can generally catch the eye of a few decent looking girls (usually hb7 or hb8). I have some decent game, in high school i dated a few girls and i really learned alot from them.

freshman year i had my heart broken(lol) and thats when i learned about david deangelo and some other stuff. i got alot better around soph/junior yr and i became alot more dominant in the relationship i pretty much kept my (progressively more attractive) girlfriends under my thumb.

also, i seem to pull ugly/average chicks (HB3-5.5ish) like no other. i think ive had at least like 5 ugly chicks crush on me (not just find me attractive or whatever, but acutally crush on me). obviouslyi have no interest in them.

anyways, thats my backgroudn. the problem id really appreciate some help on is transitioning in finding a LTR. i find that Hooking up is very different from a LTR and i dont really have trouble trying to hook up.

The problem: So every now and then, ill meet a hot girl (during the day) who i chat up. i can generally get this girl's phone number relatively easily. however, after number closing all these girls who seem genuinely interested in me, ill go home and maybe send a text or a phone call a few days later. to which she'll be busy or studying the night i call and therefore turn me down. we might talk a little later on and she might give me a few iois (over the fone or text messages) but ultimately it goes no where.

am i not acting fast enough? in hs, i didint have to worry about calling them or anything becayse i saw them everyday.

what kinda helpful tips can you guys offer? in going from the fone call to the first date?

also, from lurking i know theres alot of hating/bashing on these forums as well, and itd be cool if all criticism was constructive.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Basically i dont even look at ugly/average chics anymore unless they have hot bodies...

No freindships,no conversations,no hooking up the homies, no nothing.That is player cancer ...

lol man **** LTRs they just happen in the process of getting laid to be honest with you.

 

[garruk]

re reading my old entry... bump?

 

[Casually]

High flake rate generally means lack of rapport. Did you build a deep connection with these girls, or did you just run some flash game and get the number close?

Transitioning from a casual relationship to something more serious is usually always a possibility, unless the girl isn't looking for an LTR, which is pretty uncommon. Just start spending more time with her, introduce her to your friends, do more romantic boyfriend/girlfriend things, etc.

 

[garruk]

hmm, "high flake rate" is a term i definately should have used to describe my issue. make sense.

thinking about past expereicnes, you are probably right in that i might have jumped the gun on the number too early, and maybe gotten it just because there was a little bit of attraction.

hmm, and i really like your causual to ltr strategy and i realize how obvious it is.

i guess maybe i need to get out of the mindset of high school where causual dating is not very common.

 

[46and2aheadofme]

I can definitely relate to your situation bro (I'm a junior in college also). I have no problem attracting girls I'm not that interested in, and the really hot ones always seem to slip away, mostly due to having bfs or guys that they are already dating.

My game doesn't seem quite developed enough to get a girl to abandon the guy she's already with, although they will always flirt and throw out IOI's for fun. I think my biggest problem is timing, or my ability to convince them to isolate for the obvious objective of hooking up (and getting past the anti-slut defense).

Are you giving them a chance to pursue you? Intermittent reinforcement is key, because if you pay them too much attention by consistently texting or dropping facebook messages they will lose interest. This does not mean subjecting yourself to "rules" like only text if she texts you, or "wait at least 10 minutes to text back". You giving her scarce amounts of attention should be congruent with how you actually feel (which should be coming from the disposition that her actions have no affect on your emotions).

Also, you can tell their amount of interest to how they respond when you give them scarce and random attention. Before I knew this, if a girl didn't respond I would let it damage my ego. Now, if a girl flakes or whatever I just check her off my list of potentials and go on to the next. Identifying when a girl is ACTUALLY interested is a very useful skill to pick up so that you don't waste your time on girls that you think MIGHT be interested but actually aren't.

That's just my take on it. You can take it or leave it.

 

[Smack]

You do not have good game. If you did have good game, you wouldn't have this problem. Simple as that.

 

[garruk]

You do not have good game. If you did have good game, you wouldn't have this problem. Simple as that.

theres really nothing in life that is "as simple as that". For instance Jrue Holiday would get smashed in the NBA at the moment, but you would be an idiot to say he has "no game".

there are obviously varying levels of "game" as well as with anything else in the world.

 

[garruk]

I can definitely relate to your situation bro (I'm a junior in college also). I have no problem attracting girls I'm not that interested in, and the really hot ones always seem to slip away, mostly due to having bfs or guys that they are already dating.

My game doesn't seem quite developed enough to get a girl to abandon the guy she's already with, although they will always flirt and throw out IOI's for fun. I think my biggest problem is timing, or my ability to convince them to isolate for the obvious objective of hooking up (and getting past the anti-slut defense).

Are you giving them a chance to pursue you? Intermittent reinforcement is key, because if you pay them too much attention by consistently texting or dropping facebook messages they will lose interest. This does not mean subjecting yourself to "rules" like only text if she texts you, or "wait at least 10 minutes to text back". You giving her scarce amounts of attention should be congruent with how you actually feel (which should be coming from the disposition that her actions have no affect on your emotions).

Also, you can tell their amount of interest to how they respond when you give them scarce and random attention. Before I knew this, if a girl didn't respond I would let it damage my ego. Now, if a girl flakes or whatever I just check her off my list of potentials and go on to the next. Identifying when a girl is ACTUALLY interested is a very useful skill to pick up so that you don't waste your time on girls that you think MIGHT be interested but actually aren't.

That's just my take on it. You can take it or leave it.

its always been my philosphy to avoid "rules" as they really take out the fun in dating and im glad im not the only to think so.

i think one problem i have, is that outside of parties and looser environments, im acutally sort of lost. At parties, i can spit game and have fun very easily, and ive once hooked up with a HB7-8 after only maybe 80-90 minutes of meeting her.

However, my "day game" certainly needs work. In HS, the girls i dated i generally knew over periods of time and probably built rapport that way. however, i realize that as i get older, there isnt really going to be time for that as people dont hang out in big groups during lunch anymore, and once i graduate from college, its only going change more.

What i want and need to work on, is going from quick day-encounters and transitioning that into relationships. because at the moment, my two types of sexual interactions with girls are generally from either hooking up after parties or dating girls that i have known (usually not very well, but have known) for awhile