Dealing With **** Tests in Social Circles

[NewAndImproved]

Here's a tricky one I dealt with last night.

So I'm hanging out at a house party with a bunch of dudes and girls I've known since college, some better than others. I'm a new man now, a better person all in all but sometimes I revert back to my old ways-- or better yet-- am afraid to express my mindset with people who already have a fixed expectation of me.

I've never really had too much of a problem challenging girls I'm not really interested in and calling them on their BS. I did that again last night. However, there's this girl HB10, probably the only girl I'd give this rating (she's in that Halle Berry, Natalie Portman, Megan Fox whatever your type might be category).

In the past, I don't think I've been too supplicating towards her. She's always had a boyfriend since I've known her so I just keep it playful and keep it moving. She's still with him -- according to what she's said -- but has been going out a lot more without him. Anyway, she and I get to talking. Things are going well, but then she hit me with a **** test. We were eating and asked me to pass her some napkins, even though my hands were as full as hers and they were fairly out of reach. I handed her the stack, also planning on taking one myself but she took hers and then put the napkins out of reach again.

I was well aware of what was happening.

I was well aware of what I could have said/done.

But in front of all of my friends, acquaintances, I couldn't.

If it was a random girl in a bar/club setting isolated from my friends I would have come with my new mindset. But not in that setting.

Thing is-- and here's where my rationalizations kick in-- NO GUY in my friend group would challenge this girl on "little" things like this either.

So that's what made it difficult. It's not just how I used to be... it's how they are.

Anyone deal with this?

 

[The Gambler]

If I read your post correctly, I believe you did the right thing -- you simply made a behavioral observation and understood what happened. Regardless of the HB10 rating, she sounds like a woman you're obviously attracted to but are not actively pursuing (yet, anyway).

By definition, what she did was probably a sh*t test indeed, but this is probably just who she is, all the time... In other words, it was probably not a test used to be a romantic filter, but rather something she would throw at any guy.

I applaud your ability to keep quiet on this one, as it probably would not have been worth the outcome. We should not worry about correcting, fixing or calling out the B.S. of those who are not on our radars... Unless it is a truly anonymous opportunity with no consequences (i.e. your friends now think you're a d*ck). If she IS on your radar, it sounds like you have a lot of work ahead of you...

Anyhow, congrats on the good judgement and great observation skills.

The Gambler

 

[SgtSplacker]

What do you mean sh!t test!!!??? It's napkins for crying out loud, who cares!? Just ask her to pass you one and that's it. The way I see it she trusts you enough to feel comfortable and ask you for little things like this. Don't come across like a petty ahole and fuss over napkins. You should have jokingly told her you would just wipe your hands on your forest of pube hair or something and made her laugh.

I dunno, the way I see it I get pissed at people for intentions not actions. If someone does or says something annoying I really don't care. But if it becomes a thing where they are disrespecting me for any reason then I correct the problem. In Miami people are always on something (at least my circle of friends) and people tend to act silly sometimes. If someone does something trivial like that I wont take it to heart. But if the theme is to always be inconsiderate to me then i'll say something.

 

[pdx1138]

what sgtSplacker said.

doesn't sound like any kind of $hit test in my world.

 

[TopGun2000]

OP was too sensitive over nothing

 

[georgie24]

sounds like your old buddies are more like a cancer to your overall wellbeing

it might sounds mean, but what if its the truth?

id say spend LESS time with your OLD pals maybe 1-3 times a YEAR

Spend your days in your new ways wich means continual GROWTH

Or you can go back to your old mindset and buddies and let life hike you up the a$$ !