dealing with my emotions in relationship

[tryin 2 play]

Have been with my girlfriend for 4 months. 2 of those have been exsclusive. In my eyes, she is a trustworthy person. However, I ALWAYS have doubts in the back of my mind. "What if she cheats?" "What if she goes back to her ex?" "What if...?" The problem is that i bring these up to her, and it is starting to drive her crazy i think. Its like i cant control it, and question her about every little thing she says/does. She was kind of a wild girl when she was 15-16, but stopped that stuff at 17 really. We are 20, but i think some of that sh!t is in the back of my mind, although it shouldnt be.

What the hell can i do? Every other area of my life is good, and i have complete control over it. But this i cannot seem to control myself, and i feel i am starting to blow this relationship by acting the way i do. Any tips? I feel like such an idiot after i question her about EVERYTHING!!!

 

[Cableguy]

I feel for you bro as I have been in the same boat. Here's what I believe you're problem is. You have put the pvssy on such a tall pedestal that your source of strength, joy, contentment, etc. is all centered around this one girl. She does not want to have you stuck up her ass! Chicks get annoyed and turned off when the MEN in their life start acting like sissies that can't live without them.

The solution I found was to concentrate on all the reasons the pvssy SHOULD NOT be on a pedstal. This may sound weird but I started to focus on all my one-itis's flaws and short comings. I started hitting the gym to make myself feel more confident so when and if my "perfect girl" cheated on me or dumped me I would be in good shape to quickly replace her if I so desired.

You have made HER the prize when in fact YOU are supposed to fill that role.

 

[bigneil]

I think this is just a natural thing to feel when you are a man, because women can just spread their legs and be with someone else, and men can't. It's especially difficult when you are that young, because you have competition from guys twice your age on down, guys who have acquired more resources just because they have had more time than you.

The important thing to realize is this: she had a life before you, she had her choice of an assortment of men. Somehow she chose you over all of them. So why should you worry about them? They should worry about you.

 

[tryin 2 play]

Very True. Good points guys.

 

[jigga23]

dude i was in your same position. i was with this girl for almost 2 years. wild reputation cheated on her bfs etc. i always had insecure thoughts about when she went out i would say sh!t then i would be called controlling and insecure. i stopped that quickly and changed my attitude and she changed at least for the time being. you gotta quit saying that stuff to her first. you look like a needy insecure pvssy. anyways do you really wanna be with a girl that hyou have to worry about slvtting around? anyways dont say anything to her anymore just tell yourself that you dont really care cause the person who cares the least wins. she is obviously winning. if it bugs you so much and you suspect something just say do what you want to do i cant tell you what to do but i cant promise ill be here if you do so and so.

 

[insanity]

judge her by her actions and not by what she says. my woman knew this girl who thought she had herpes. this girl acted like her life was over. she hit a major deppression because her life revolved around the bar and going home with at least one guy a night was her thing. she said she should have used condoms. so finally when her test results came back negative she was happy again.

but here is women logic at it's best. the girl who thought she had herpes used condoms for about a week before she went right back to her old routine. my woman asked her if she used condoms the night after the bar and she said no.

the moral of the story is that you should judge her by her actions and not by what she says. if you have a bad feeling about her, that is your intuition kicking in. i'm not going to say move on but you should be very cautious. if she was wild and now she says she tame...take that with a grain of salt. i think your acting like this because your head over heels for this girl and you would hate to lose her. just take it day by day and have fun for whats worth

 

[Scirolase]

Chill man, chill!
This is suggesting to her that you cannot live without her. But you can, and you know this!

She hasn't done anything yet and these girls can smell this stuff off you! It's offputting.

Relax the whole thing and take it easy - anything she does is her choice, but will go much more your way if you just calm down

 

[tryin 2 play]

Thanks for the advice. To clear up a little bit...she has never cheated on a boyfriend before in the past. She pretty much stopped being "wild", when she was 16, almost 17 and then got a serious boyfriend at 17, who she dated till she was 20. Never cehated on him once or did anyhting lke that. I know all of this because i actually went to highschool with her, and my girlfreind a the time was her friend. So i knew a good amount about her.

She is actually a great girlfriend, and i dont htink she would EVER cheat at all, i really don't. The problem is really in my head, not with her actions. No matter who it is that i'm dating, i think theyre going to be doing stuff i dont like, and get all worked up over it. Even when i dated the real "good girl", scholarly type, i felt the same way. Its honestly not the girl, i know this when im rational. But sometimes i let my emotions get in the way and cant think straight, and just start to think up all of these bad scenarios that will probably never happen, and start to question her about those!! Its rediculous.

So i'm really trying to find some help on jus controlling my thoughts, and myself emotionally, as it is not her and no reason for me to be scared she is going to cheat. Hopefully that cleared it up a little for the people telling me to watch her, as i have watched her actions and she is innocent from what ive known from previous relationships and how she is with me.

Any more advice guys?? Thanks alot.

 

[mexican_player2]

dont worry homie, is better to be cautious than to trust her at all

 

[Nighthawk]

It's not natural, jealousy is a weakness brought about by insecurity. If you really believed you were the dogs bollocks (er that's a good thing) you wouldn't worry.

Trust is earned, and a good woman will expect a man to qualify her. But it's unfair to judge her on what you fear she might be doing as opposed to her actions.

I know a lot of women who have cited this sort of controlling behavior as reason for splitting, often around the two month mark. The tighter you close your fist, the more she will slip through your fingers.

Shot in the dark, do you think you might have abandonment issues?

 

[JLW]

I have the same problem sometimes.

It got so bad that I actually had to see a psychologist. It didn't necessarily involve my girlfriend (it did a little bit) but it was with other parts of my life as well.

As you said, you really don't think she's cheating, it's just that your imagination gets the best of you.

If it really bothers you to the point of not being able to get work done, not eating as often, loss of sleep, etc., then its time to take a break from this girl.

If it's just an "annoyance", and not something that is affecting your life, just something that bothers you, think of it like this analogy:

My friend has a job where there is a ceiling fan that buzzes. It annoys the **** out of him when that fan turns on. It's just this irritating, droning, annoying noise. Now, when my friend is doing other things, like getting his work done in the office, he doesn't even hear the fan buzz. It's like its not even there. But when he's sitting there doing nothing, it's very apparent.

So instead of being irrational and ripping the fan out of the ceiling and throwing it out the window, he'll catch himself and say "The fan buzz is annoying, but I just have to let it go because there's nothing I can do about it." And he gets back to work, and before you know it, it's like the fan buzz isn't even there.

So think of it as a fan buzz. Say, "this is ridiculous, i'm not gonna let a stupid little buzzing fan drive me off the wall and crazy"


Here's some ways to cope with this sorta thing:
1. Identify the negative thoughts.
2. Exame the thoughts, and see if they are really rational or not. (usually they aren't)
3. Learn to catch yourself and say "stop" to yourself.
4. Replace these thoughts with positive thoughts about your girlfriend.

 

[CraigMack]

What you can do is grow up. You are driving her away with your own insecurities. A Don Juan doesn't project insecurity into a relationship. He projects confidence and direction.

You are headed somewhere, but not anywhere I would ever want to travel!





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[matygee]

another good thread curtsey of don juan forums.:yes: