B
BlueAlpha1
Guest
I wanted to start this thread to get discussion flowing for the benefit of someone dealing with major loss in life, myself included.
In the last 3 years, I have lost 3 very important people in my life.
In August 2012, I lost my grandmother who played an important role in raising me while my parents worked to long cancer. We got the diagnosis in June, and she was gone 8 weeks later. At times we had a strained relationship, but she was the matriarch of my family - the glue who held it together. My family ship is without a captain since.
In October 2014, I lost my father suddenly to a heart attack --- on his 56th birthday mind you. No goodbyes, no well wishes, no "what will make you proud?" to guide me through the rest of my life. Just gone. My father and I were very close, and yet spent a great deal of time apart when I was at the end of high school and through college, before I moved closer to him in 2013. This one stung by far the hardest, as he had a hard life, and I couldn't help him solve these problems. I carry this guilt every day.
In June 2015, my BPD ex of 4 years and I parted ways for what appears to be the final time. After countless breakups, cheating, Christmas dinners, jealousy ploys, and all inclusive vacations, a "no contact" period began --- and it stuck. Never heard from her again. 7+ months. We live in different states now. There's a small chance I'll run into her on holiday during a visit to a state where we both have relatives - that's about it. I am prepared and inclined to never talk to her again.
I understand the last one can and will fade in time, as I've only dated one other underwhelming girl since then, because I virtually "shut down" from life for most of 2015 out of utter shock from all this abrupt loss. I've been doing very little other than traveling and writing (so the people I leave behind on any given day will not be left with any ambiguity. At 26, I have a will written on notebook paper and beneficiaries of my accounts.) After all, the typical life routine can seem meaningless when the meaning is ripped away.
My support group tells me I have everything going for me - my health, worldly experience (travel is what I do), a nice wad of cash, and a set of skills that can help people. But nights are hard. If you'd asked me about 36 months ago, I would have told you I loved 6 people in this world. And 3 of them are gone now.
It's particularly hard as a man losing a father when you have no older brother. All other male relatives are secondary as they only call me a handful of times a year. I am by definition a lone wolf now, trying to make it all on my own accord.
I have told people I liken this to navigating life with one eye, one arm, and one leg. And I don't know where I'd be without my mother, little brother, and grandfather. And the worst part? I'm an atheist. I don't believe in an invisible person or "universal spirit" dictating some great plan or final solution. Of course, like most atheists I wish I could.
All are welcome in this thread, including those I've had spats with in other areas. Let's help each other.
In the last 3 years, I have lost 3 very important people in my life.
In August 2012, I lost my grandmother who played an important role in raising me while my parents worked to long cancer. We got the diagnosis in June, and she was gone 8 weeks later. At times we had a strained relationship, but she was the matriarch of my family - the glue who held it together. My family ship is without a captain since.
In October 2014, I lost my father suddenly to a heart attack --- on his 56th birthday mind you. No goodbyes, no well wishes, no "what will make you proud?" to guide me through the rest of my life. Just gone. My father and I were very close, and yet spent a great deal of time apart when I was at the end of high school and through college, before I moved closer to him in 2013. This one stung by far the hardest, as he had a hard life, and I couldn't help him solve these problems. I carry this guilt every day.
In June 2015, my BPD ex of 4 years and I parted ways for what appears to be the final time. After countless breakups, cheating, Christmas dinners, jealousy ploys, and all inclusive vacations, a "no contact" period began --- and it stuck. Never heard from her again. 7+ months. We live in different states now. There's a small chance I'll run into her on holiday during a visit to a state where we both have relatives - that's about it. I am prepared and inclined to never talk to her again.
I understand the last one can and will fade in time, as I've only dated one other underwhelming girl since then, because I virtually "shut down" from life for most of 2015 out of utter shock from all this abrupt loss. I've been doing very little other than traveling and writing (so the people I leave behind on any given day will not be left with any ambiguity. At 26, I have a will written on notebook paper and beneficiaries of my accounts.) After all, the typical life routine can seem meaningless when the meaning is ripped away.
My support group tells me I have everything going for me - my health, worldly experience (travel is what I do), a nice wad of cash, and a set of skills that can help people. But nights are hard. If you'd asked me about 36 months ago, I would have told you I loved 6 people in this world. And 3 of them are gone now.
It's particularly hard as a man losing a father when you have no older brother. All other male relatives are secondary as they only call me a handful of times a year. I am by definition a lone wolf now, trying to make it all on my own accord.
I have told people I liken this to navigating life with one eye, one arm, and one leg. And I don't know where I'd be without my mother, little brother, and grandfather. And the worst part? I'm an atheist. I don't believe in an invisible person or "universal spirit" dictating some great plan or final solution. Of course, like most atheists I wish I could.
All are welcome in this thread, including those I've had spats with in other areas. Let's help each other.
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