So I have been trying my hand at meeting women on-line. While I have met some success, the problem I have had is the incredibly high number of women who suggest meeting up, get all enthusiastic about it ... and then cancel between 0-30 minutes before the date, and then disappear forever.
I have tried being understanding, and suggesting that they contact me when they are ready, and that just means they never get back to me. I have tried telling them off, and they then suggest an alternative date. Of course, when I agree, they then disappear forever.
So I am trying a new approach, as set out below:
Here is the latest blow-off e-mail I got from a girl I was writing to:
Pllllleeease don't think that I'm running away, but I've had this cold thing and I've started running a fever with it. If you still want to go I'll go, but I would feel horrible if I got you sick and if you wanted to take a raincheck I'd completely understand. If we do go, I'm sure you'd understand that I shouldn't stay out very long...I'm so sorry, I really didn't think this would be a problem but I thought it only fair to warn you.
This is one of the weak-kneed blow-offs where the girl is obviously hoping I would cancel.
and here is my AFC response:
I am still happy to meet up. Something has come up though, so I can only meet after 9:30 instead of 8:45.
Given that you may not be feeling the best, and that you may have to leave early, shall we meet at the Starbucks? That way you can get home quickly if you start feeling unwell.
Hope you are feeling better, and I will hopefully see you tonight at 9:30.
Obviously the AFC response gave this girl the courage to be a little more blunt:
hey,
I'm afraid I can't at 9:30...but perhaps we can another time. I'll look forward to hearing from you soon
Heather
I then continued being an AFC by sending a message saying we could meet at 8:45 after all, which she promptly ignored.
And here is me trying something new - Calling on her crap, and introducing competition at the same time:
Please ignore the last message. One of the girls in the research group I was working with tonight explained to me that in the United States, when a girl doesn't want to give her phone number, cancels at the last minute and does not suggest a definite date to meet up, it means she really had no interest in meeting up at all. I guess even though I have been here awhile, I am still new to this country in some ways, and am stll not good at spotting these things.
This got a reponse within minutes - Pretty good for a girl who is too sick to go out!
As nicely as I can say this,
I believe it's not very nice in any country to make assumptions without consulting the other person. I just recieved your e-mail about being able to meet at 8:15 and would have done so had I checked sooner. As for the girl, please inform her that some girls aren't like that...I am genuinely sick, really couldn't make it at 9:30 (I have an early day and I don't feel well), and would truly like another opportunity to meet if you feel so inclined to offer one. One of the traits I pride myself on is honesty, and I'm a brave enough girl to tell you that I don't want to go with you if I really don't.
Heather
And this is me continuing the same reponse:
Nah, it's cool. The girl from my research group also predicted that you would send an e-mail much like the one you just sent me, which kind of confirms what she said about you, and she has been putting a lot of effort into being a good friend to me here in the US, so I have no reason to doubt her.
No hard feelings though - I know it can be scary meeting someone for the first time, especially when you are a bit younger. I guess I was so impressed with how articulate and well-written your post on CL was that I forgot how old you really were. Best of luck with everything - I am sure someone as intelligent and well-spoken as yourself should have no problems finding a decent
which got another quick response:
The irony is that as confident as you are, you actually couldn't be more wrong about me...but at least now I know that about you.
So any suggestions or comments?
I have tried being understanding, and suggesting that they contact me when they are ready, and that just means they never get back to me. I have tried telling them off, and they then suggest an alternative date. Of course, when I agree, they then disappear forever.
So I am trying a new approach, as set out below:
Here is the latest blow-off e-mail I got from a girl I was writing to:
Pllllleeease don't think that I'm running away, but I've had this cold thing and I've started running a fever with it. If you still want to go I'll go, but I would feel horrible if I got you sick and if you wanted to take a raincheck I'd completely understand. If we do go, I'm sure you'd understand that I shouldn't stay out very long...I'm so sorry, I really didn't think this would be a problem but I thought it only fair to warn you.
This is one of the weak-kneed blow-offs where the girl is obviously hoping I would cancel.
and here is my AFC response:
I am still happy to meet up. Something has come up though, so I can only meet after 9:30 instead of 8:45.
Given that you may not be feeling the best, and that you may have to leave early, shall we meet at the Starbucks? That way you can get home quickly if you start feeling unwell.
Hope you are feeling better, and I will hopefully see you tonight at 9:30.
Obviously the AFC response gave this girl the courage to be a little more blunt:
hey,
I'm afraid I can't at 9:30...but perhaps we can another time. I'll look forward to hearing from you soon
Heather
I then continued being an AFC by sending a message saying we could meet at 8:45 after all, which she promptly ignored.
And here is me trying something new - Calling on her crap, and introducing competition at the same time:
Please ignore the last message. One of the girls in the research group I was working with tonight explained to me that in the United States, when a girl doesn't want to give her phone number, cancels at the last minute and does not suggest a definite date to meet up, it means she really had no interest in meeting up at all. I guess even though I have been here awhile, I am still new to this country in some ways, and am stll not good at spotting these things.
This got a reponse within minutes - Pretty good for a girl who is too sick to go out!
As nicely as I can say this,
I believe it's not very nice in any country to make assumptions without consulting the other person. I just recieved your e-mail about being able to meet at 8:15 and would have done so had I checked sooner. As for the girl, please inform her that some girls aren't like that...I am genuinely sick, really couldn't make it at 9:30 (I have an early day and I don't feel well), and would truly like another opportunity to meet if you feel so inclined to offer one. One of the traits I pride myself on is honesty, and I'm a brave enough girl to tell you that I don't want to go with you if I really don't.
Heather
And this is me continuing the same reponse:
Nah, it's cool. The girl from my research group also predicted that you would send an e-mail much like the one you just sent me, which kind of confirms what she said about you, and she has been putting a lot of effort into being a good friend to me here in the US, so I have no reason to doubt her.
No hard feelings though - I know it can be scary meeting someone for the first time, especially when you are a bit younger. I guess I was so impressed with how articulate and well-written your post on CL was that I forgot how old you really were. Best of luck with everything - I am sure someone as intelligent and well-spoken as yourself should have no problems finding a decent
which got another quick response:
The irony is that as confident as you are, you actually couldn't be more wrong about me...but at least now I know that about you.
So any suggestions or comments?