Dealing with flaking the CORRECT way.

[Slash Dolo]

So something I'm interested in is your opinions on flaking and how to go about dealing with it, particularly from the more experienced DJs here. From what I've seen, everyone has a different method, and I've tried most of them, although thankfully I haven't been flaked on too many times to try them all extensively. Some guys are stone cold and will next the girl if she flakes, even if she apologizes for it and gives some excuse. Some will play it off like it isn't a big deal and will give it one more go albeit with stricter terms/less attention/more teasing blah blah. Some will play it off like it's cool but NOT give the girl a second chance, gradually pay her less attention and essentially next her.

I personally believe in the two strike rule. On several occasions I've been flaked on, played it off fine, and eventually the girl would come back in a few weeks or so and I'd end up f*cking her at the very least. Other times I've flat out nexted/ignored (no real results to this sadly) and other times I've played it off cool but DIDN'T try to see the girl again (with similar results to option one, although not as successful believe it or not)

Women are flaky indecisive creatures, and I believe about 80% will flake on any given guy at some point. This could be from one of three reasons, and it's not hard to decipher what the reason is usually: either she's sh*t testing you, isn't into you and enjoyed leading you on, or something DID actually come up/she forgot/etc. Option 3 is almost never the case, but if she says her dog died and she couldn't make it out and her dog DID actually die and you're an assh*le about it and don't respond, then you've probably blown your chances there. If it's option 1, most guys won't put up with this and will next her. However, I think that nexting her will only validate her test and you'll come off as kind of bitter and butthurt unless you play it off cool. Option 2 is what we don't want; it means that she'll repeatedly flake and you should just move on after the second strike, in my opinion.

The thing with NOT trying again with a girl and nexting them right off, however, is that you'll just move on to the next girl who will flake, you'll next her, and the process will repeat until you meet one who won't. Thing is, this can leave your d*ck dry for a very long time, and could possibly damage your social status. Girls know girls and girls talk. You may end up meeting one of her friends one day, and if she knows you got butthurt from her friend flaking on you, she'll look at you with much less prestige. If you played it off cool and either tried again using the two strike rule or just kindly nexted the girl and gradually paid her less attention, who knows, you may have BOTH interested in you... at the same time.

I'm interested to hear opinions though. What has been the best method for you guys?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

If someone flakes on you, you don't have to out and out drop them.

Just reduce their priority. Some people are not trustworthy, and some people are always late and some people you cannot count on and some people got too much going on and you are not high enough priority in their life.

With one of those, don't grovel, plead, beg or negotiate. If you don't want to throw the plate away, focus on other plates that are yielding greater rewards.

You know how the magic of DJ goes, women are attracted to men that other women are attracted to. So spend your time on women who bask you in a good ambiance. It's attractive.

Constantly being rejected, no matter how strong you are is not a good look.

 

[Infern0]

To be quite honest if you are getting flaked on you are probably messing up with attraction building and perusing too much. If the girl is actually into you she won't flake.

You weed these girls out very early if you are experienced because you don't overpersue and try talk girls into going out with you.

Anyway if you get blown off twice (you should never let it get to that stage) and at this point I'm hoping your initiating is at 0% and she's still initiating you gauge her IL then you invite her to your place on a night you aren't doing anything else. If she has high enough IL she'll come over. I have to add here NEVER get butthurt if a girl flakes, always leave the door open but like I say it really comes down to overpersuing. If you don't do it you should be fine.

At the end of the day if you are DTF and she's initiating you may as well take it but you aren't going out of your way.

 

[Lozboss]

To be quite honest if you are getting flaked on you are probably messing up with attraction building and perusing too much. If the girl is actually into you she won't flake.

You weed these girls out very early if you are experienced because you don't overpersue and try talk girls into going out with you.

Anyway if you get blown off twice (you should never let it get to that stage) and at this point I'm hoping your initiating is at 0% and she's still initiating you gauge her IL then you invite her to your place on a night you aren't doing anything else. If she has high enough IL she'll come over. I have to add here NEVER get butthurt if a girl flakes, always leave the door open but like I say it really comes down to overpersuing. If you don't do it you should be fine.

At the end of the day if you are DTF and she's initiating you may as well take it but you aren't going out of your way.

This is indeed correct.

Hardest part for me was to not take it personally. Leave the door open but get on with your stuff.

They don't get in touch? Their loss.

It's tough to think like that but when the other option is emotionally hurting yourself worrying then it's far easier to implement.

This is also why you should try and date multiple people until they ask to be exclusive.

 

[Serenity]

I always take into consideration the context, meaning there's no default answer or universal solution. I never let it go on and on and on though, but I can play a lot of patience and persistence into it. The first time I tried it I had a girl begging for a second date, which I learned is a bad sign.

I met a girl a year ago at a party, had a good time and she added me on facebook. Talked to her the next day and asked to meet her sober, she agreed but flaked. I never gave her another shot, and I never heard from her. Recently met her again at a bar, first thing she did was to tell me how she regret not getting back to me. Had another great time with her, she invited me to her party 2 weeks later. She kept her word, had another great night, fvcked her. Talked about where she wanted to travel, the next party she was having, considers me as potential boyfriend material, the only catch is that she was drunk. But I think she's learned her lesson. Asked her to see me on monday, got no clear response. Got back to me late on monday saying she wanted to meet, no specific time though which is fine since I'm busy as fvck and so is she. I'm going to take it slow, but make sure the few times we meet gets intense. It's about quality and not quantity anyways, you get tired of what you get a lot of.

 

[Lozboss]

Advice DJs

What do you do if the girl is 100% initiating contact and you're playing it cool but she never suggests meeting up?

I've suggested it in the past but she feels it's 'too much pressure'. I'm tempted to next her or give her some NC for a week.

 

[Infern0]

Advice DJs

What do you do if the girl is 100% initiating contact and you're playing it cool but she never suggests meeting up?

I've suggested it in the past but she feels it's 'too much pressure'. I'm tempted to next her or give her some NC for a week.

Her: "hey loz miss you, blah blah blah "

You: "hey flakey chick, good to hear from you, I'd love to see you when are you free to get together"

Option a)

Her "I'm free on x day"

You "awesome I'll pick you up at 8"

Option b)

Her "I can't cos blah blah blah "

You "that's too bad, well let me know when your schedule frees up, gotta run, stay in touch"


Wrinse and repeat until she realizes you ain't going to be an orbiter and either meets up or leaves you alone, either way it's a win.

 

[nismo-4]

If a girl flakes, you have failed. Likely causes include:

1. You f**ked up in the process of attracting her e.g. saying something to turn her off or a text came off the wrong way.
2. She just wanted attention or another orbiter.
3. You didn't attract her enough to show up.
4. She found a better (looking) man.
5. She's testing you.
6. A legit excuse.

1 & 3- didn't show enough value or DLV'd yourself.
2- You called her bluff and she didn't find you attractive in the first place. She was shown covertly that you won't be an orbiter.
4- Out of your control.
5- She wants to control the frame and see how much you will pursue, or just test your own interest.
6- This is rare, but she'll come back if interested.

I go by the ONE strike rule because I do a lot of online dating. A flake has disinterest written all over it.

Sure women want a guy that other women want, but constant rejection drops your desirability. Women won't think you're butthurt because you stop talking to them after one flake. They tend to lose respect for you the more you pursue.

Be real, would a girl flake on a date with Brad Pitt barring a family emergency? Nope, and you wouldn't flake on Maria Menuonos or Kate Upton.

Case closed.

 

[Lozboss]

Her: "hey loz miss you, blah blah blah "

You: "hey flakey chick, good to hear from you, I'd love to see you when are you free to get together"

Option a)

Her "I'm free on x day"

You "awesome I'll pick you up at 8"

Option b)

Her "I can't cos blah blah blah "

You "that's too bad, well let me know when your schedule frees up, gotta run, stay in touch"


Wrinse and repeat until she realizes you ain't going to be an orbiter and either meets up or leaves you alone, either way it's a win.

thanks Buddy.

I'll take that approach.

Not getting drawn into things has helped and so has dating other women.