Dealing with flakiness

[Matt Rogers]

There is an automatic assumption on this board that the only way to deal with flakiness is to next girls.

Flakiness is just a symptom of moderate interest. Some girls aren't sure what they want and even if they like you they will be flaky until they are sure they like you and trust you.

Typical Scenario:
Arrange a date. Girl cancels at last minute with an excuse:

RESPONSE
Most guys fall into two traps. The jerk trap or the AFC trap.

Jerk trap:

Phone her up and shout at her and say you won't stand for flakiness. Tell her to drop her plans and go out with you.
Next her or make threats.

AFC trap: Keep phoning her up the following week trying to set up a date.

These two tactics are far too pushy and pressured.

The best response to flakiness is as follows. Just don't respond. Wait for her to get back to you and arrange another time. Give it a week and if she still hasn't got back to you, call her and try and set up another date. if she still flakes or comes up with an excuse just don't phone her.

This communicates a few important things.

1. You dont' care that much about her-by getting cross with her or pestering her you show her you care too much about her.

2. You have self-respect: you are the prize. If she cancels then it is up to her to make it up to you by trying to reschedule. To give her the benefit of the doubt you call her a week later and give her another chance. But if she still has an excuse you delete her number.

3. You are different from most guys who would fall into the traps mentioned earlier. She will begin to wonder-why hasn't so and so called me? I thought he liked me? Yet he has made no effort to contact me. I hope i didn't put him off by being flaky cos i actually do like him. I know, i'd better call him.

 

[Jariel]

5 stars from me. I've done all the things mentioned above and this works the best by far.

 

[Tempest]

Personally, I prefer the options of either: nexting her or calling her on it.

If a girl is likely to flake the first time, then why bother trying to shrug it off and making another attempt? Because she is most likely to flake then too! Why? Because she's done it to you once already before, she knows it's okay and that it's not a big deal and nothing will happen. It's like if a girl cheats on you and you decide to "shrug it off". What're the chances she is going to do it again? 90%, because she knows she can get away with it.

I think you should call women on ALL of their bad behaviours. I'm not saying to yell at her or threaten her... just let her know that it's unacceptable. I usually let them know that I put a lot of value in my time and that I'm not interested in being around someone that has no respect for my time. If you nail someone on being flakey, do you think they will do it again?

If a girl flakes once on you the first time, you don't do anything about it... then she flakes again, then overall it was just a waste of your time and energy. And what do you have to show for it? Nothing!

If you decide to just next a girl and disqualify her instantly then two things can happen:

1) you can move on and find someone more worthy of your time
2) sometimes they will chase you and realize that what they did was unacceptable

I personally think when a girl blows you off she simply has no respect for your time.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Typical Scenario:
Arrange a date. Girl cancels at last minute with an excuse:

RESPONSE
Most guys fall into two traps. The jerk trap or the AFC trap.

Jerk trap:

Phone her up and shout at her and say you won't stand for flakiness. Tell her to drop her plans and go out with you.
Next her or make threats.

AFC trap: Keep phoning her up the following week trying to set up a date.

These two tactics are far too pushy and pressured.

The best response to flakiness is as follows. Just don't respond. Wait for her to get back to you and arrange another time. Give it a week and if she still hasn't got back to you, call her and try and set up another date. if she still flakes or comes up with an excuse just don't phone her.

This communicates a few important things.

1. You dont' care that much about her-by getting cross with her or pestering her you show her you care too much about her.

2. You have self-respect: you are the prize. If she cancels then it is up to her to make it up to you by trying to reschedule. To give her the benefit of the doubt you call her a week later and give her another chance. But if she still has an excuse you delete her number.

3. You are different from most guys who would fall into the traps mentioned earlier. She will begin to wonder-why hasn't so and so called me? I thought he liked me? Yet he has made no effort to contact me. I hope i didn't put him off by being flaky cos i actually do like him. I know, i'd better call him.

I agree with you. That´s basically what I do!

 

[tmpgstx]

If a girly is flakey, she isn't worth your time period. Plane and simple.

 

[Bonhomme]

Definitely make yourself scarce

I've come to realize Anti-Dump had the right idea. The only way I differ is in that I negotiate date activities more. I don't expect a gal to be into everything I'm into, and like my gal to have a mind of her own.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39729

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I just go find another girl and if the flake calls me back, then fine, if not, then fine. Who cares?



Note: If the flake calls me back she's going to have to do a little work to get me to go out with her, and alot more work to convince me that she isn't anything more than a f*ck her and chuck her prospect.