Dealing with doubts about your girl cheating on you

[FruitLoops]

I am not sure if the others feel skeptic and doubtful sometimes about their girlfriend or their partner cheating on them.
I have had these doubts when my girl would cancel plans with me or would take forever to respond. I am not sure if these doubts are justified or not.
But my question is how should one deal with them. Should one check up on their partner's phone? Or just ignore these doubts.

 

[AttackFormation]

There is no end to paranoia if you choose to allow it into your mind, it can grow larger and larger by itself like a cancer does since it needs no evidence and feeds itself.

I will not suggest whether or not to check her phone. My advice would be twofold:

1) A pilot could crash the plane you fly in - a risk you cannot control. News report things we cannot affect - events you cannot control. You need to accept risks and events being outside of our control in life, which there always will be. Letting paranoia consume your mind does not change reality and does you no good. You always have to decide to trust in the first place, no matter what it is in life. This is the aspect of "trust" as a choice.

2) Listen to whether your gut trusts her. If there is no sense of trust in a relationship there is no intimacy, only a neurotic purgatory. This is the aspect of "trust" as an emotion.

You need both the choice and emotion of trust.

You do those two things and you should be a good way toward peace of mind.

 

[Serenity]

I have had these doubts when my girl would cancel plans with me or would take forever to respond. I am not sure if these doubts are justified or not.

First of all check the reason, if it's plausible then there's little reason for suspicion. Some level of trust is needed anyways. Frequency is another point, if it's occasionally or often. There are legit reasons, but if it's used very often I would be skeptical.

But my question is how should one deal with them. Should one check up on their partner's phone? Or just ignore these doubts.

If you are going to check be smart about it. You must be EXTREMELY careful, because if she senses a lack of trust then it's the end anyways. Don't ignore your doubts ever! Evaluate carefully whether your doubts are reasonable and carefully investigate if you find that they are.

Remember, this is an easy way to sabotage for yourself.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

While I am not against going through your partner's phone and definitely have myself, I recommend against it. almost every time I did it I found my suspicions were right. So that's the reason why I'm not totally against it even though it's obviously wrong. But now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, my general idea is that if you suspect something whether or not you will find something, it truly means that your relationship has some other types of issues, and it's probably just best to move on. as the good old Rolo tomassi rule says, it is better spent having time developing new and fresh relationships than putting your effort into an old or failing one.

 

[AttackFormation]

While I am not against going through your partner's phone and definitely have myself, I recommend against it. almost every time I did it I found my suspicions were right. So that's the reason why I'm not totally against it even though it's obviously wrong. But now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, my general idea is that if you suspect something whether or not you will find something, it truly means that your relationship has some other types of issues, and it's probably just best to move on. as the good old Rolo tomassi rule says, it is better spent having time developing new and fresh relationships than putting your effort into an old or failing one.

The problem with checking the phone or something to me is that even if you find nothing, that too can fuel your paranoia. What if you found nothing because she anticipated you looking?

Instead like you went on to say and I talked about in my post too, you need the choice and emotion of trust, and the absence of it may itself be a reason to end it.

 

[Epic Days]

There is no man on this planet except those that have enough women or can get enough women that this manipulation has no affect.

Once you’ve agreed to exclusivity you change the dynamic. You are now charged with somehow hanging onto her. This is an impressive stress inducer.

It’s not that you feel the compulsion to look at her phone, it’s that you changed the dynamic to the one charged with holding it all together. Her solipsistic mind leads to self serving manipulations to provoke a man to fall into this trap while she explores and freely operates and executes her sexual strategy.

 

[Robert28]

Here’s a tip I’ve learned. If you go looking for what you hope to not find, you’re gonna find it.

 

[AttackFormation]

I don’t know man. This is why I don’t want a relationship now. I have had girls cheat on there boyfriend with me because they suspected there boyfriend was cheating on them. Like wtf. Even the nice innocent girl will cheat if your smooth. It’s whatever

Using their own cynicism to justify acting amorally is a personality trait on the antisocial spectrum.

 

[Focal core]

First, never ever ignored what you feel.
Second. Always follow your guts instinct, if there something isn't right u won't be posting in here and are you frowning much more than you're smiling in this relationship ? Let that be your barometer, as to whether you should stick around.

 

[Robert28]

I’ve had a woman I was dating throw sex at me often and didn’t send any signals she was cheating. One day she ghosted me and was engaged a month later.lol

Another girl always would have me acting like you’re acting cause every 3 months for a few weeks like clockwork she’d become super distant, short with her texts and didn’t respond to some and that wasn’t like her at all. I’d have in my mind “ok this is done” and I swear as soon as I was getting ready to mentally check out she’d come right back. I never chased her. Was she cheating? Dunno. Did my gut tell me she was? Hell yes. Never could prove it though but her actions said “leave me alone”. But then she’d come back. Weirdest thing ever.

 

[Focal core]

I’ve had a woman I was dating throw sex at me often and didn’t send any signals she was cheating. One day she ghosted me and was engaged a month later.lol

Another girl always would have me acting like you’re acting cause every 3 months for a few weeks like clockwork she’d become super distant, short with her texts and didn’t respond to some and that wasn’t like her at all. I’d have in my mind “ok this is done” and I swear as soon as I was getting ready to mentally check out she’d come right back. I never chased her. Was she cheating? Dunno. Did my gut tell me she was? Hell yes. Never could prove it though but her actions said “leave me alone”. But then she’d come back. Weirdest thing ever.

The first girl, she had better option.
The second girl, trying out with her new options but grass isn't that greener on the other side.

No weird do there mate.

 

[Robert28]

The first girl, she had better option.
The second girl, trying out with her new options but grass isn't that greener on the other side.

No weird do there mate.

The weird part is the first girl showed zero signs of cheating and we’d been dating 5 months. She vanished all of a sudden.

The second girl had a weird pattern about her.

 

[Focal core]

The weird part is the first girl showed zero signs of cheating and we’d been dating 5 months. She vanished all of a sudden.

The second girl had a weird pattern about her.

Maybe yes she didn't cheat physically, but later on more emotionally connected with the other guys, better chemistry, that explain why she abruptly left.

 

[Roober]

There's only one approach to this nonsense...


There's more fish in the sea


Who cares if she cheats? It's her loss. Your only job at that point is to figure out what made that man better than you. For example, she cheats with roober, you have to ask yourself... Why does she want to fvck roober? And why is she willing to risk losing me for this guy?

 

[Focal core]

There's only one approach to this nonsense...


There's more fish in the sea


Who cares if she cheats? It's her loss. Your only job at that point is to figure out what made that man better than you. For example, she cheats with roober, you have to ask yourself... Why does she want to fvck roober? And why is she willing to risk losing me for this guy?

That translate to self improvement, growth and change, Honoring your own feelings.. Nice, avoid roober he robs every man's women

 

[kirt]

The fact that you worry about it shows that you need this relationship more than her. And that means she has the upper hand, which inevitably ends with her leaving you.
"In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least."
This should be your guideline. Act like you need her less than she needs you. If it's not true, than you need to fix this and not her.

The moves that make you look weak and lose respect:

• Checking her phone, Facebook and other spy tricks. Whether you find something or not, you lose respect.
• Having a "serious talk" about her strange behavior. Win Through Your Actions, Never through Argument.
• Ignoring. This way you only enabling her to treat you this way.

The moves that show your strength:

• Basic push/pull. She flakes? Don't set a new date for the next week or two. She takes forever to respond? Take twice as much and reply with twice as little text.
• Set clear boundaries on what is acceptable for you in the relationship. No discussion, no big speeches, just when there is a related talk about it (on "some guy from work" or "girls' night out" etc.) you make it clear what's a deal-breaker for you.
• Spin more plates. Being exclusive should never be your initiative. By going exclusive you only lose, so she has to work damn hard to justify your sacrifice of other (likely better) pussies for her.
• If you are already exclusive, then "always keep two in the kitty". Doesn't mean you must cheat, but there should always be a hottie in your life who is just waiting in line when your LTR girl slips up. When you can leave your LTR any moment and within a week get yourself a better girlfriend, your woman will notice it. You don't have to make a big speech about it, she'll just know, she'll have that gut feeling and treat you right.

Listen to your gut. If a woman likes you, she'll create that emotional comfort for you. I agree with Focal core, if she doesn't care what you feel about her and she makes you frown more than smile, this is a bad sign in itself, and you don't need to look for other evidence, in her phone or wherever.

Also, Rollo has a post about this: Gut Check.

 

[backseatjuan]

Women are never off the market, not when you two are married, not when she is 80. You could do everything right, make a lot of money, be exciting to her, and other right stuff that a high qualify man should do. But it just might happen that Leonardo De Caprio pulls up in his lamborhini and asks her out. She is going to take that application. Won't cheat on you right away, she'd have to see what's happening there, and where would it go. It's called female hypergamy, they are constantly looking for a better option.

You need to check out what is her interest level in you. The way it sounds from your original post, it looks like 70%. Interest Level Scale

Your 'doubts' are really the butter flies in your belly, man within you is saying, dumb ass, fck you, that btch has low IL, she's not worth you, she will fire you, you will get hurt, you will be alone!

Solution for your horries is to practice male hypergamy. Always be on the look out for better and hotter women. Nobody is insured from being fired!

 

[Dash Riprock]

OP, I've been where you are. Getting all freaked out and suspicious over gf's weird behavior, talking about other guys, gaps in her availability, etc.

If I could give my younger self one piece of advice it would be: DON'T commit or go exclusive with a woman if you're under 35-40.

Seriously.

NOTHING lasts forever and the time and energy you spend chasing bad women, worrying, and playing mind games is time away from you working on your goals, purpose, $, and body. You can date women and have fun, BUT limit it to that. Then, if you feel you want to try to be exclusive, CHOOSE WISELY, and move SLOWLY.

A man's success in life should NEVER be dependent on the acceptance and approval of some woman.

 

[backseatjuan]

You gave up your fcking social life when you met her, didn't you. You beta fcking male. Number 1 way to stop being exciting to her, change, stop being a man, become a sissy.

 

[Music_czar]

Women are never off the market, not when you two are married, not when she is 80. You could do everything right, make a lot of money, be exciting to her, and other right stuff that a high qualify man should do. But it just might happen that Leonardo De Caprio pulls up in his lamborhini and asks her out. She is going to take that application. Won't cheat on you right away, she'd have to see what's happening there, and where would it go. It's called female hypergamy, they are constantly looking for a better option.

You need to check out what is her interest level in you. The way it sounds from your original post, it looks like 70%. Interest Level Scale

Your 'doubts' are really the butter flies in your belly, man within you is saying, dumb ass, fck you, that btch has low IL, she's not worth you, she will fire you, you will get hurt, you will be alone!

Solution for your horries is to practice male hypergamy. Always be on the look out for better and hotter women. Nobody is insured from being fired!

This is actually a really good post from bj I’m kinda surprised