Dealing with disrespect from women?

[Firefly]

So what is the best way to deal with disrespectful comments from women? Unfortunately, I seem to have experienced a lot of these comments recently from one woman openly mocking the idea that I got to the gym, to another woman openly saying that I would not stand a chance compared to other guys in a dating situation.

I have found that women often seem to feel more comfortable making such comments to me, while often remaining silent in the face of mistreatment from more "socially attractive" men. The example I found the hardest to come to grips with about is a female "friend" who would often ridicule me in the past in public (obviously this is someone I am no longer in contact with) who once admitted to me that she was gang-raped, and she remained on "friendly" terms in public with the men who did it. It was very difficult for me to understand why this woman would put so much energy into putting me down, when I had tried to be a good friend to her, while at the same time, she was too scared to do anything to men who had hurt her.

While I am quite comfortable dealing with comments from guys (and oddly enough, most guys are cool with me unless they are trying to impress a girl by being a jackass to me) I still find it hard to deal with rude comments from women. I think part of the problem is that I am overweight, and from a racial minority, so I present a "Safe" target. I am working on the overweight part (down 15 pounds this month already!) but still could use some suggestions on the best way to deal with such disrespect.

 

[Solomon]

got confidence?

It sounds like to me the biggest thing your lacking is confidence and women can pick up on that, not only that but your vibe also can be read, women are like wolves when it comes to reading non-verbal body language, communication etc, do you come of as chump?

This whole "women friend" thing stop it, I use to believe that crap but it took time to figure out that men and women cant be "real friends" women don't understand the concept of friendship, loyalty, etc. Rollo was talking about this in 07 and 09, and now I understand why.

Stop being a girlfriend!

P.S. keep working out thats a plus

*looks at belly*

 

[old married dude]

Just don't tolerate it PERIOD.

If a girl is going to be that disrespectful, cut off all contact permanently. This at least shows that you won't take **** from them. They'll end up just finding some other poor chump who will.

 

[Mike32ct]

Soloman is correct that you are probably giving off a weak, AFC vibe. Unfortunately, this makes appear an easy target for female bullies who sneak in under the radar disguised as you friend.

They befriend you, then feeling you trust them, you divulge parts of your dating and self-improvement life. They then use it as ammunition to take cheap shots at you. I know, because I've had female "friends" that did that to me.

The best advice I can give you is to NOT discuss the game, the gym, dating or any of your personal life with these women. Save that stuff for here and your trusted guy friend. At best, female friends are no help in this game. However, at worst, they can tool you and sabotage you. See my signature thread.

So to make a long story short, dump this "friend" and dont spill your guts to a female friend ever. Even if they don't make fun of you, they are not capable of confidentiality. Everything you tell her will spread to other females.

 

[Mike32ct]

If this is outside of work, tell the b@tch off. Tell her you don't appreciate that and then go no contact.

If it's at work, it's tricky. Tell her you don't appreciate that and then reduce contact to business only.

 

[vatoloco]

For non-LTRs, see here and here.

For LTRs, see here.

 

[Firefly]

Thanks for the advice. It has been all gold so far.

The problem with the chick who mocked me about going to the gym is that not only is she a big part of my social group, but I currently need her help with a project. I can cut her off now for the comment, but that would mean more work for me. The question is it worth cutting off my nose to spite my face at this point.

Also, some feedback on whether my comebacks to such comments are too AFC would also be good. Here is the comment she left on a mutual friends's FB: "you at the gym? ahahahahhahaa" to which I responded "Hey, the smoothies at the cafe gym are WAY better then the ones at the campus centre!". Was this a witty comeback or still too AFC?

 

[old married dude]

Thanks for the advice. It has been all gold so far.

The problem with the chick who mocked me about going to the gym is that not only is she a big part of my social group, but I currently need her help with a project. I can cut her off now for the comment, but that would mean more work for me. The question is it worth cutting off my nose to spite my face at this point.

Also, some feedback on whether my comebacks to such comments are too AFC would also be good. Here is the comment she left on a mutual friends's FB: "you at the gym? ahahahahhahaa" to which I responded "Hey, the smoothies at the cafe gym are WAY better then the ones at the campus centre!". Was this a witty comeback or still too AFC?

First of all, if you can't cut her off b/c you need her help on a project, just use her for that reason then ditch her once the project is over. She's using you as a whipping boy, so use her back.

Second, is this girl perfect physically? If not, find a flaw with her, especially something she is self-conscious about. Let's say she thinks her arms are fat/not toned. Say to her "Well at least I'm improving upon myself, looks like you could hit the gym too with those flabby arms."

 

[vatoloco]

First of all, if you can't cut her off b/c you need her help on a project, just use her for that reason then ditch her once the project is over. She's using you as a whipping boy, so use her back.

Second, is this girl perfect physically? If not, find a flaw with her, especially something she is self-conscious about. Let's say she thinks her arms are fat/not toned. Say to her "Well at least I'm improving upon myself, looks like you could hit the gym too with those flabby arms."

If he needs her help then he would be doing a disservice to himself by pissing her off.

My style is taking things and spinning them around so that they lift my value, and when possible diminish theirs. In this case, all you want to do is lift yours and perhaps get a funny or two in.

- "you at the gym? ahahahahhahaa"
- "Sweetheart, I cannot look this hot by eating pizza and drinking beer all the time! "

When in person, I like to add some physical comedy so I would grab an existing gut and subsequently do some bodybuilding poses, comically exaggerated.

 

[squirrels]

So what is the best way to deal with disrespectful comments from women?

Don't.

Seriously, why even bother? Some women like to think they're "sassy" or "clever" by constantly busting men's balls. Sometimes, they can't see the line between "sassy" and "ill-mannered b!tch" and they blunder over it. This one girl I've been dating on and off is a perfect example.

She thinks she's "cultured" because she's well-travelled (she's been to beaches in other countries), she's "professional" (she works some d!ck-job selling medical equipment), and she lives in a trendy neighborhood (she shares a rental house with two other people and is looking to move to some place on her own...the neighborhoods she's looking at are sh!tholes).

She's one of these people whose life outside of work consists of watching Jersey Shore and hanging out at local watering holes where her neighbors tend bar.

It's not so much a lack of respect (they respect you) as it is a lack of manners. Constantly on the cellphone too, right?

It's just how they are. Girls who are rude and good-looking treat all men like silly boys because it makes them feel better about themselves to put men down.

If you really, REALLY want to bang this girl, you just need to ignore all this crap and see her for what she really is...just a boring girl trying to act better than all the other boring people around her.

It wouldn't surprise me that a girl like this got raped and enjoyed it...they will generally put up very hard-to-get fronts, like they WANT to be ravaged. It's probably the only way they get laid...that and having enough drinks to let their inhibitions and mind-games down.

In all seriousness, though, this kind of girl is, in my opinion, undateable. I would not waste your time if you're looking for someone cool to hang out with.

It probably happens more often to you because you don't look like the type to just tell her to shut the f**k up. They seem to respond better to "bad boy" types. The best I've been able to do is just ignore it. Maybe when women are stupid or ignorant, I should just call them out on that. Sometimes I think that's what they WANT.

I just can't go all the way to telling a woman to STFU...I'd rather just wait until the date is over and not call her back.

Short answer...she's not a keeper. F**k her if you can, but don't go out of your way.

 

[old married dude]

If he needs her help then he would be doing a disservice to himself by pissing her off.

My style is taking things and spinning them around so that they lift my value, and when possible diminish theirs. In this case, all you want to do is lift yours and perhaps get a funny or two in.

- "you at the gym? ahahahahhahaa"
- "Sweetheart, I cannot look this hot by eating pizza and drinking beer all the time! "

When in person, I like to add some physical comedy so I would grab an existing gut and subsequently do some bodybuilding poses, comically exaggerated.

Yeah, I can see what you mean by the first part. He might possibly want to continue to feed into her sadistic b1tch-like behavior just long enough to get that project done to ensure her continued help. Then at that point I hope he'd drop her like a bad habit.

Second part, I dunno, if a girl is at least showing some interest a C&F comment like that might make the girl smile a bit. This one is obviously showing no interest, so she'd probably shoot back with another harsh comment like "You...hot? ahhahahahahaha, never in a million years." In this case I feel it's better to just not engage in C&F banter just to try and get a positive response b/c it could really backfire & make matters worse.

I'm just going with my experiences with b1tches like this that I've had to deal with and what worked for me. What works for you might not work for me. I've come to find that some aspects of this whole DJ/PUA thing aren't exact sciences where a+b=same outcome every time. In this case, it's pretty situational & also people have such different personalities and attitudes.

 

[vatoloco]

Second part, I dunno, if a girl is at least showing some interest a C&F comment like that might make the girl smile a bit. This one is obviously showing no interest, so she'd probably shoot back with another harsh comment like "You...hot? ahhahahahahaha, never in a million years." In this case I feel it's better to just not engage in C&F banter just to try and get a positive response b/c it could really backfire & make matters worse.

You know, what? You're right. I didn't think it thoroughly enough. Without congruency, I made the situation into cannon fodder. I guess your best course of action FF would be to ignore her Facebook shit until the project gets completed. Then cut her from your life. Though in the future FF, you need to practice and develop some wit of your own to always have a good comeback.

And I personally would answer that with "Of course I'm hot sweetheart! That's why you stalk me on Facebook! "

 

[The_411]

So what is the best way to deal with disrespectful comments from women? Unfortunately, I seem to have experienced a lot of these comments recently from one woman openly mocking the idea that I got to the gym, to another woman openly saying that I would not stand a chance compared to other guys in a dating situation.

I have found that women often seem to feel more comfortable making such comments to me, while often remaining silent in the face of mistreatment from more "socially attractive" men. The example I found the hardest to come to grips with about is a female "friend" who would often ridicule me in the past in public (obviously this is someone I am no longer in contact with) who once admitted to me that she was gang-raped, and she remained on "friendly" terms in public with the men who did it. It was very difficult for me to understand why this woman would put so much energy into putting me down, when I had tried to be a good friend to her, while at the same time, she was too scared to do anything to men who had hurt her.

While I am quite comfortable dealing with comments from guys (and oddly enough, most guys are cool with me unless they are trying to impress a girl by being a jackass to me) I still find it hard to deal with rude comments from women. I think part of the problem is that I am overweight, and from a racial minority, so I present a "Safe" target. I am working on the overweight part (down 15 pounds this month already!) but still could use some suggestions on the best way to deal with such disrespect.

Best way to look at it is try to think why this woman would mock you. The bottomline is that she's trying to a) DHV and that you are of lower value for an ego boost

Now knowing that what reaction do you think she's trying to achieve? Clearly she's trying to get you to react which validates her ego, by getting angry or responding in an immature fashion.

There are two DJ ways to handle this 1) is to ignore her 2) the more fun way is through ****y and funny humor, where as mentioned above you turn her comments against her in a non snarky way.

She's busting your balls because she can (at least at this point), and because she's testing you to man up and put her in her place.

Guess what why do people hate on others who making sincere efforts to improve themselves? Because they wish they were able to make the same effort.

This is the key part of the equation. You're improving ... she's not and she's jealous. Use this to your advantage by keeping this mind frame.

 

[grayclif]

I wonder about this project. Is it work related or is it something that you can walk away from. If she is a big part of your social circle members maybe its time to go just give that circle a rest for a while. Go work on yourself and reintroduce yourself in six months with a new body and better attitude.

 

[guru1000]

Within the first 90 days of meeting my wife, I ended our rapport (broke up?) twice. Granted, we weren't exclusively dating at the time; nonetheless, each time she committed a disrespectful act/statement, I walked away. Both times were not conventional reasons for which most men would decisively end a rapport/relationship. I could have chosen to educate/train/enlighten her; however, my thinking was that it would be easier to find a more compatible mate than to create one; hence, I ended it.

Nevertheless, both times, she returned, and never repeated those same acts of disrespect.

If you are constantly being disrespected, it's only because you permit it. Each time you do, you are conveniently justifying/empowering the act for her, rationalizing its committal for her, and devaluing/compromising yourself for her. The question is -- what are you doing for you?

 

[crazyboy]

Like guy said above don't take that ****. I mean this woman is half your size most of time lol . Hopefully your not attract to whale but if you are more power to you. But anyway tell her straight up that **** is not cool and you won't put up with it. I told plenty woman to go pratice safe sex and go f themselves. They still call me up. Woman are like little nats they would keep pushing and bothering you until swat them away.

 

[tj]

I find that working with women is impossible to deal with. They constantly rip on men.. Some are cool, but there is usuallly at least one that is a total b.

Every job I work at there is one that has to be a complete micromanger over everything.

In my personal life I couldn't care less because I have enough hobbies to grow and dedicate myself too.

 

[Colossus]

I used to really spin my wheels about how to deal with women who disrespected me. I really wanted to make them STOP, or to sting them back so badly they'd never do it again.

Well the truth is there are always going to be some women who cross your path that either covertly or overtly "dis" you. So how do you deal with them?

You dont.

You walk away and completely withdraw your attention. If this is a girl you work with, then it becomes a little more of a diplomacy game. You cant completely walk away from her, but yet she needs to be put in place. In my opinion, any woman who makes a stab at a guy who goes to the gym is borderline retarded, because there is no easier way to bruise a woman's ego than by dissing her appearance. So, at that point it is open season on her looks. You dont want to be crude however; then you're just putting yourself on her level. A subtle comment here and there about her lack of fitness should be fine.

 

[The_flying_dutchman]

Like others have mentioned, men and women cannot be friends ever...period.

A friendship requires both sides to view each other as equals, but women don't want men to be their equals, women want men to be the dominant one. Which why women constantly test men to see if they're alpha enough to assert authority. In a way, they're testing your patience because they want you to psychologically pimp slap them.

^ I believe that's the best way I can describe why I believe they pull this kind of nonsense.

As for what you can do about it, given our overly feminized society, the only thing you can do is cut the b!tch out of your life ASAP.

Next time remember never to share too much about your life to women.

Talk about hobbies and goals but nothing else. Never mention your fears, your let downs, your setbacks, etc... They use these as ammunition against you.

 

[The_flying_dutchman]

Maybe when women are stupid or ignorant, I should just call them out on that. Sometimes I think that's what they WANT.

Don't ever call them out! Women love making a scene because they know that people will automatically side with the women first. Don't play their game. The best thing to do is cut your losses and walk away.