dealing with break-ups

[JLW]

Broke up with my 10-month LTR girlfriend. She was my first kiss as well as the girl I lost my virginity to.

To make a long story short, she broke my trust. I tried for like 3 months to build it back up, but I learned the hard way that once you lose faith/trust in someone it can never be re-gained.

How long will I feel like ****?


Should I just keep busy and start going for other girls? I know everybody's different, and all circumstances are different, but is there any way to tell how long I will feel like ****?

My main hobby is surfing. That is what helps me relieve stress, but lately there have been NO waves at all. So basically, what really helps the most, I cannot do. I can play bass guitar too (another hobby) but thats tough also. I guess I'm just wondering if theres any way to tell how long im gonna feel like crap.

Thanks guys

 

[MAVER1CK]

first of all bro, tell me what you lost trust in her about, why?

I am close to your situation. I know your gut feeling and that "thinking" that keeps you up at night.

Talk to me bro, why did you break up.

 

[JLW]

I don't want to talk about why she broke my trust. I'll give you a very basic short story.


She drank with a bunch of guys alone. I was really angry and tried to break up with her. She offered to stop drinking, I agreed to continue as long as she stopped.

I heard rumors that she was all over some other guy, who knows if they were true. Possibility that they were true, possibility that they werent. Who knows.

Then she started hanging out with this other guy as friends. His motives were extremely obvious and she knew it, but she still hung out with him. Whenever we would get in a fight, he would sometimes come over and probably try and get her to cheat. She said that she trusted him because he was nice to her during a not-so-good part of her life. This guy was a very very untrustworthy snake-type of person.

I confronted her about it and she stopped hanging out with him after I told her all the times he lied to her. But I always had that feeling that she did something while they hung out. There are a bunch of reasons why.

Basically, I was investigating ****, and just being really obsessive and stupid about everything. If you read Al Bundy "Is She Cheatin On Me" thread, thats pretty much what was happening. I didn't like the way it was going. I figured, "if i feel the need to look through her **** instead of just trust her, what good is this relationship?"

While there was no concrete evidence that she was cheating, who knows. In fact, there's a good chance that she WASNT cheating. But when she drank with all those guys, i totally lost trust in her. It made me feel insecure. She didn't make me feel good anymore. I felt bad about the relationship. I tried to work it out but I just didn't feel good about it.

We are not arguing about whether or not I should have stayed or not. I already decided, after THREE MONTHS, after exasperating every possibility, that I can't date her and still be happy. So that is not what is in question.

What is in question is how I can get over it relatively quickly.

 

[JLW]

By the way guys, once again.

WE ARE NOT DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD STILL BE GOING OUT WITH HER. It took me 4 months to finally make this decision. I was really really stressing over it, and I tried every possibility, but it just didn't work out.


What we ARE discussing is how i can get over this situation quickly.

 

[Kev07]

Well, I have never had a girlfriend, so no break ups yet.

but whenever a girl pisses me off, or plays games, or something like i just tell myself "fvck that b!tch!" and i'm all good =].

i also told one of my friends that when she broke up with her boyfriend, she laughed and next day told me it helped alot. so i guess give it a try hahah

 

[MAVER1CK]

By the way guys, once again.

WE ARE NOT DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD STILL BE GOING OUT WITH HER. It took me 4 months to finally make this decision. I was really really stressing over it, and I tried every possibility, but it just didn't work out.


What we ARE discussing is how i can get over this situation quickly.

First of all, dont give me lip you SOB. IM helping. In order to know what kind of state you are in, I need to know what happened.

If you dont have trust in your girl, then dont be with her. Simple as that, You make a good decision. A true Viking one.

now, lets move on.


You feel like ****, and slipping into depression, because of this Oneitis ****. I know this feeling ahh to well. This is what I want you to do to help snap you out of this. Keep reading here on DJ, and posting.. Post info you already know and help out noobs. Keep your self occupied with work, WHat do you do for a living? Are you where you want to be in life? HOw do you look? Are you working out? Fat? what?

What do you do for fun? What do you do after work?

what is your weekly scedual like my fellow viking?

 

[JLW]

Hey Mav, yea I know, I just don't want any doubt in my mind that I made the wrong decision. I didn't want to argue about it, and I thought that was where this thread was going. And I do appreciate your help.


I am a high school student. I am working to get into a design school. I think a good way to forget about her would maybe concentrate VERY hard on my portfolio and make some kickass drawings.

My major hobby is surfing. I really love surfing. I know that if we get a week of solid waves, I'll totally forget about her. Unfortunately the forecast for waves is really bleak. In fact, its supposed to be flat for at least a week.

I'm pretty happy with my life. It's just the she-devil that's bringing me down.

I am 18 years old, needless to say in pretty good shape. I'm about 5'11" and about 145 pounds. I need to gain some muscle mass. I used to weigh 150 but I've been stressed and lost a bit of weight. So I might try and get that back.

My weekly schedule is school, and then I go home. I don't do any extra-curricular activities cuz I like to keep everything open just in case there's waves and I can surf.

Usually after school I play bass guitar for a bit too. I just recently started that about 3-4 months ago.

 

[MAVER1CK]

well there should be no doubt, You dropped teh ***** and thats what you needed to do.

Lets look at your life here.. You are in the perfect situation to start and become successful, You are young, and smart. Get yourself on a plan that will make you money in the future. Sounds like you got your head out of your ass, this is good.

WHere do you live? I spent a year in hawaii, and when the surfing was not good, the body surfing was.. which is still fun as hell.. Are you in cali?

BTW- do you have alot of men friends?

are you driving and have a car?

 

[JLW]

I live in New Jersey. Not known for its waves.

It gets good here, but it can be FLAT. On average I surf about 180-200 days a year.

This year there have been NO WAVES AT ALL, so I've surfed maybe 120-140 times, just cuz of lack of waves. It sucks. And when New Jersey gets flat, it is completely 100% flat. Like, nothing to ride at all. So bodysurfing and other water activities are kind of out of the question.

I have a good amount of male friends. If I feel like going out and hanging out with guy friends, I usually can.

I am not driving, though. I live in a small town so I can bike to most places.

I think that since there really aren't any waves in the near future, I just gotta focus on making a kickass portfolio. And playing some bass guitar, and just keeping busy in general. On weekends, I'll give my buddies a call and hang with them.


Oh by the way, I think it's worth mentioning that I did this girl in the butt. So I don't feel like I missed out too much :woo: :woo: It's so wrong yet it feels so right.



And Maverick, thanks a lot for the encouragement and putting things in perspective. Add any advice if you'd like, but I'm going to sleep.

 

[tryin 2 play]

Well, I have never had a girlfriend, so no break ups yet.

but whenever a girl pisses me off, or plays games, or something like i just tell myself "fvck that b!tch!" and i'm all good =].

i also told one of my friends that when she broke up with her boyfriend, she laughed and next day told me it helped alot. so i guess give it a try hahah

You shouldnt be giving advice, sir