Dealing with being passed over for another guy in public?

[Firefly]

So I met this 8.5 tonight. We got on well, and I invited her to a barcrawl I was going on. She was really enthusiastic and keen to come along.

During the barcrawl, we spent a lot of time talking. She seemed pretty keen, laughing at my jokes and giving some playful kino (we were punching and grabbing each other). It wasn't a 100% chance, as she seemed reluctant whenever I tried to hold her hand but I thought it was worth pursuing. I also tried to avoid being too AFC, including making her take turns buying drinks.

Then I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was talking to some dude and seemed to be quite into him. I walked past her and went back to dancing with some of the other girls there. When it was time for the group to leave, I asked if she was coming along and she said she wanted to stay. I was pissed, but tried to play it cool. She asked if she could have my number and I responded with "Nah, there's no point, I am leaving in a few days anyway." She then thanked me for giving her a really great night, and asked me to text her, to which I responded "Yeah, sure" before walking off to join the group.

So my questions are:

A. Is my reaction appropriate? Do I have a right to be pissed given we only met that night and I did not spend any money on her, or am I being petty?

B. Was my response appropriate for a DJ?

Any feedback would be appreciated.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

If she wasnt interested she wouldnt of asked you to call her. I think your emotions might of got the best of you.

 

[Firefly]

If she was interested, why would she have ditched me for the other guy?

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Ok, your right I skimmed over a couple lines you wrote. I take it back... Anyways, yeah I'd say you handle it well. Sounds, like a wh0re anyways if you took out a girl you just met only to find her wanting to stay with another dude.

But, next time keep in mind. Dont bring a girl you just met to the club.

 

[Firefly]

Yeah, that was a mistake on my part. I wanted to go on the barcrawl anyway before I met this chick and I try not to change my plans because of a woman, but maybe I should have made an exception in this case.

 

[Faded Image]

There may have been a pre-existing relationship between the two, but you assumed she was into the guy without knowing whether she knew him or not.

I think your ego got in the way which caused you to abort the mission in order to avoid the fear of rejection.

 

[Firefly]

There may have been a pre-existing relationship between the two, but you assumed she was into the guy without knowing whether she knew him or not.

I think your ego got in the way which caused you to abort the mission in order to avoid the fear of rejection.

Not the impression I got. Her body language indicated she was into him (sitting close to him, listening intently), she made no attempt to introduce me when I approached them, and she ditched me to stay with him which is probably not something a girl would do if she had bumped into an old friend.

 

[Faded Image]

Not the impression I got. Her body language indicated she was into him (sitting close to him, listening intently), she made no attempt to introduce me when I approached them, and she ditched me to stay with him which is probably not something a girl would do if she had bumped into an old friend.

You have to realize that we boys aren't the only ones that sarges. Women do it too, and it's a lot easier for them than it is for us.

In club type situations, anything is possible. I've been in those situations so plenty of times, and I can honestly say that I've lost in those situations plenty of times as well.

Don't let this situation eat you alive, because it'll cause you to crawl into a shell once you face it again.

 

[Firefly]

That's good advice. I am mildly pissed about it, but not going to let me stop trying. I guess I wanted to make sure my response to the situation fit in with DJ principles, morew then anything.

 

[horaholic]

It sucks when you you spend hours on a chick, only to be the primer for another dudes cok after two minutes. It happens though. I sure wont be too nice about it, but I try to maintain composure. I dont see anything wrong with subtly letting her know that it was lame. Walk away with your head held high. You're a man, and you can take it, and she's just a hor. No biggie.

And remember, a DJ will do or say whatever the hell he wants unapologetically.

 

[Tiguere]

Lol what coincidence appoloin just made a thread about how he took somegirl away from some dude as soon he went to the bathroom. The thread is title "my nigght at the bar"

Lol

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Gah, that's never good. Sure it was one night, and you seemed to be making a good investment on a close, so of course it sucks when some other guy comes along who REALLY "does it" for her. I'd understand if your ego was bruised a bit so I won't tell you sh!t like "man up". It happens. You'll get over it. I'd be pissed under my breath too; I'm only human.

And no, she was saving face with the calling and the texting spiel. She didn't want to seem like a complete A-hole. "Maybe next time after I'm doing taking this whole guy in my mouth I'll call Firefly" is what she's thinking.

A girl needs her orbiters! ^_~

 

[Firefly]

Ok, now for a related question. I actually met this girl through a social networking site, one that allows you to leave reviews for your experiences with other members e.g "I met Firefly and he turned out to be great!" or "Firefly was a complete sleaze when we met". I have already nexted this girl in my mind, but should I leave a positive review for this girl? I am thinking that this girl will be feeling guilty enough to leave me a good review, which should act as social proof (A good review from an 8.5 never hurts in winning other people's trust). Thoughts?

 

[Firefly]

And I just got this e-mail from her ...

>Dearest (Firefly)
>I was quite selfish yesterday and sorry about it(
>How was the last pub?
>I've told you already that the whole evening was much
>fun for me, more fun than my usual life here
>The guy I met just took me to the tube station, but may
>be I'll see him again...

I responded with a text saying "Yes, you were quite selfish last night. Thanks for letting me know you got home alright".

I am thinking "The guy I met took me to the tube but may see him again" is really code for "The guy I met took me home and let me suck on his tube. He kicked me out of his apartment this morning, and I amhoping he will call me back".

So anyone think I can parley her (supposed) guilt into sex, or at least a positive review?

 

[Jitterbug]

No need to think that way, Firefly. There's an equal chance that the guy she was into that night blew it after you left. You'll be surprised how many guys totally fvcked up a sure thing, and hey we've all been there! I've been in your shoes before and the guy who "won" her over initially failed shortly after I left, and then I got her eventually.

I'd get her to hang out with you again and give it another shot. My guess is that the other guy turned out to be lame and she wanted to see if you're still available.

However, keep in mind her manners of the last night out. This girl is no LTR materials.

Guys do this too, in a role reversal situation. Ever blown some chick off indirectly because you think you could score a hotter one, only to fail with the hotter chick and have to think of a way to get back with the initial one? I have.

 

[horaholic]

Guys do this too, in a role reversal situation. Ever blown some chick off indirectly because you think you could score a hotter one, only to fail with the hotter chick and have to think of a way to get back with the initial one? I have.

I've never heard of a guy taking a woman out on a date, or even otherwise, and pulling that shyt. I'm sure it happens, but its a rare thing. Women do it all the time, though.

Guys are hunters. We set our aim, and shoot till we kill. Women are gatherers. They'll fill their basket with something good, but throw it in a bush when they find something better, but still hope to return to the bush and get the original prize back, if they stashed it well enough.

 

[Jitterbug]

It wasn't a date, they were on a bar crawl. Just hanging out, as they say.

I don't know, I see that happening a fair bit when people just hang out. More on the women's side, like you observed, but men do that too (usually the ones with options).

On a real date though, I've never heard of guys pulling that stunt either, but women do it all the time.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Why the f*ck would she e-mail him saying she might see the other guy again. Does she want him to be proud for her? WTF. I wouldn't even respond.


...I'm lying. Yes I would. If I wasn't in a hard up mindset I'd ignore her.

 

[jophil28]

Why the f*ck would she e-mail him saying she might see the other guy again. Does she want him to be proud for her? WTF. I wouldn't even respond.


...I'm lying. Yes I would. If I wasn't in a hard up mindset I'd ignore her.

Most women (of all ages) are not aware of ,and do not care about the impact of their mindless rambling . They just ' think out loud' - this is how they converse with their girls.
Listen sometime to two women chatting- their mouths open and words fall out.

 

[Tazman]

I just wish you didn't respond to that text, especially agreeing that she was selfish and then expressing your concern about her getting home safe.

Not only that, but then she starts talking to you about possibly seeing this other guy again. Very cringe worthy. Absolutely not the impression you want to make.