Dealing with a shy girl

[WHOYODADDY0069]

What's up guys....
Got an issue here. I met this girl about a month ago and she's so far has shown to be a girl with good values, and to top that off awsome looks, body and all.
She so far has shown high level of interest in me and is constantly asking to want to see me since she lives 45 minutes away from me. The only problem i have is to get this girl to speak a lot more.
When she calls on the phone she's soo sweet and innocent yet shy, seems like I'm the one that has to get her to get to the point of the reason she's calling. Its hard to try to get this girl to conversate and get her talking, instead when I ask question on how things are going she gives me quick answers which don't tell me much. For example: How did your day go? Her answer:Goood. I'm left like well tell me about it. If I don't ask she won't tell. She don't have nothing to hide, its just that she's shy and probably has trouble in conversation.
So my question is if you guys ever dated a girl like this? In which you liked her but her conversation and shyness su*ked. What can I do to help make this better? Like I said she shows high interest, but the shyness gotta go....It's not like I could smack the shyness out of her.

 

[runna4]

Maybe just go out more, and get more comfortable with her. Perhaps talk about her "shyness"...

Also for example instead of like "how did your day go" ask "what did you do today" etc... just to try and engage her to formulate her own thoughts and explain more. Not just one word answers.

If her character outweighs the frustration you have for her shyness, than it's worth it, just work through it.

 

[Donny Brasco]

The girl I'm dating right now was like this at first. I went out with her last night again, and she couldn't shut up, it was nice to just listen for a change. I think you just have to build that comfort level.

 

[Cremasta]

Had a girl like that. Getting her to talk was like drawing teeth... just plain hard work. Even some of my friends and family who will talk the leg off a chair had a hard time getting her to talk.

She was a decent athlete and pretty fit, so a lot of our time was spent doing outdoorsy stuff, playing hockey, swimming etc. Conversation flowed a lot easier when she was active.

If she has some interests, then, unless they are totally repulsive to you like ballroom dancing or knitting, get involved. Who knows, she may be a closet Formula 1 freak.

This is from an LTR perspective though, so if that is what you after, then hope this helps.

 

[Reto]

Yeah, once she get's more comfortable with you, you won't be able to shut her up.

You just got to lead her down the conv path.

How was your day?

Good...

What did you do?

Went to school...

What classes are today?

 

[WHOYODADDY0069]

Good responses guys....Thanks.

The last couple of days she's been calling me up and the convo has been O.K. I've tried some of the questions you guys posted and went the route. I did get her to talk a little bit more.

As far as personal contact she's very attentive to me and conversates with me pretty well. But on the phone its like she runs out of things to say. I beleive she's comfortable around me because she seems to show it. Maybe she's just the quiet type that only answers questions and conversates when asked. I don't know, that's what i'm trying to figure out.

Do you think open ended questions would work with this girl?
If you guys think they would, can you please post me a few that I can ask as examples. I couldn't find any in the Bible.

Thanks....

 

[Azariah]

Open ended questions aren't likely to work with a shy girl. You need to strongly lead the conversation with specific questions, while raising her comfort level to get her to open up more. Assuming you don't want to get LJBF'ed, you need to make sure you don't aren't too "soft and supportive".

Sounds complicated? It's not really. Reto gave a great example of leading the conversation without making it sound like you're interrogating her or putting her on the spot. Ask questions that are based on the last thing she said. Almost everything she says will give you a hint as to where to go next. Talk about her day and ask questions. Talk about her interests and ask what she likes about them.

If you get stuck and you don't feel like she's giving you anything useful to work with, say something about yourself and ask her what she thinks. It's best to incorporate something she's interested in. For example, you know she's a fashion concious individual. Tell her you're thinking about switching from boxers to boxer-briefs (or even regular briefs, perish the thought), and get her opinion.

My strategy for dealing with shy people in general is to make them laugh. Laughter releases seratonins into the blood stream, making people feel good. This leads to people feeling more comfortable and ultimately opening up the shy ones.

 

[Yes I am Flighty]

Ok Heres the thing, If shes shy talking about her being shy, to make her comfortable wont work, If shes shy talking about being shy will only make her more uncomfortable, but um hey who said girls have to talk so much, maybe she would just rather be submissive

 

[isotope]

dont call her shy, call her "quiet"

and i bet she is like me: quiet around strangers, but around family or deeply trusted friends, she is talkative. if you really care about her, and want to get inside her head, you have to make her comfortable, to talk to you about her dreams and **** without fear of being judged or laughed at. find a topic that she likes and YOU talk about it... slowly she may start to talk . Or just ask her point blank:
"are you quiet because you dont like me, or because you are just quiet always? if the former, please be honest so we dont lie to eachother. But if the latter, then thats OK because i like you too, i just didnt want to get the wrong vibe."

 

[WHOYODADDY0069]

What's up guys,

Here's a little update on our last date.
Wen't out for dinner and at first she started the same deal with acting quiet and shy. But as I conversated with her she became more comfortable and actually began telling me some stories about her vacation and family. I felt like she was beginning to open up a bit.
I never had to deal with a girl with that kind of personality but now i'm beginning to understand them a lot better and how to deal with them. Comfort-- is definately a key to help her become loose and talk more.
Towards the end of the date she was in full comfort zone and we made out and did a lot of rubbing up on each other. I didn't close the deal because it was very late at night and we both had to be up early in the morning to go to work. But she did hint to me that next week when she comes over she wants to spend some quiet time together. And I know what that means We've only been on 3 dates so far since she lives an hour away but so far its been good and getting better.
Thanks for the tips...I've used a few to help me and so far its going great!!!

 

[Reto]

Good job...

 

[seeVip]

MAN I AM IN THE EXACT SAME SITUATION

THE DISTANCE,
THE SHYNESS OVER THE PHONE, (well i dont talk on the phone, i just use it to set up dates just like the doc says) (when she tried to talk to me i could see the lack of confidence and shyness in her)

Open ended questions dont last as long as you would expect for a "normal" answer from a girl.

You kind of have to work hard with your questions?

Could you provide details of what she was like, and what part were you in before u started making out.

Btw Laughter and comedy definetly makes them easier to be around.

We are going to be on the second date.


INFO buddy since it seems like your just afew steps ahead of me, because shes shy its like the game plan changes a lil, yolu cannot ask for feelings and deeper and broad topics as much.

 

[Gold Heart]

My girlfriend was a shy girl. I dumped her and concluded that I shall never date a shy girl again. ONS are the best that they are for but if they're shy because they don't know me yet, and then really a good-time person later on, then it's all fair game.

My advice is not to bother with her, but then again my standards broke the roof.

 

[becker]

I personally love shy girls. I have trouble dating girls who are too outgoing, to the point where they are always surrounded by tons of friends (guys, girls, whatever) because you always seem to be getting in line for their attention.

Anyways, these people are generally very private until you work your way into their lives. Not easy, and it also depends on whether they even want you in it, but that doesn't seem like a problem here since you guys are already dating.

I say that you just make sure that she is what you're looking for, because shyness is something that probably will stay with her for life. I was a shy kid growing up, but I've gotten much more outgoing now, and I have trouble convincing people that I'm a shy guy by nature, but the thing is, there are some things that are difficult to get past, like for me, I always hated calling girls for some reason, but once I got myself to do it, I didn't have problems talking once on the phone with them.

 

[ZeeOwl]

My first girlfriend was extremely shy. It was practically impossible to get her to talk about herself, or get any opinions or likes/dislikes out of her. Once we got further along in the relationship, I discovered that she was very, let's say, affectionate. Came to the conclusion that she prefered expressing herself physically more than verbally. She wasn't the greatest lover I've had, talent-wise (she was a virgin too, so no prior experience, which doesn't help). But she got an A+ for effort. She was practically nympho. Very hot-blooded woman.

 

[seeVip]

WEll i think im with a shy girl that has experience, and hangs out with friends alot, the type who is shy at first, but once they get to know you well yor you make them laugh, then they open up adn spill their guts, but good thing is they do it in a not boring way, like how some girsl talk to much thats what i love. Plus they are usually shy but sly and wild in bed.


As i posted before, i was on second date, was funny as usuall teasing her, kino everywhere, all natural confident, watched a movie, drove her home, said something stupid funny with her , said cyu later drove off, 5 meters down the road, turned around parked the car, rang her doorbell, told her i liked her , she gave a funny shy reply, said something else, just pulled her into me like a kid and kissed her. (all with confidence ) Said some things that might seem silly but who gives a **** live and learn its about having fun.

I love shy girls because you never know what to expect out of them. Its the lack of response that makes u go that bit over the edge to get what u want. And i lvoe the fact they are not predictable.

I usually dont like telling stories, but its to show that you just gotta have fun, even if you **** up its all good. If a girl likes you she will like you even if you **** up now and then, we are humans after all and its about enjoying it.

 

[Krassus]

You sure she's not just trying to keep the conversation focused on you because she knows people prefer talking about themselves?