Dealing with a girl who nags but makes a fair and reasonable point

[Jor-El]

Iv wondered this for a while,looking at stuff by Caleb Jones,and others,who advocate that if a woman starts to whine or nag or create drama,AIMED AT YOU,that you basically dont tolerate it,shut them down,walk off,hang up the phone etc which is all sound I guess,but what if,the reality is that she is making a fair point ? Most women (who are p*ssed off with you) arnt going to *calmly* tell you where you are going wrong,and going on the basis that we all make mistakes and stuff up sometimes,so their is gonna be some aggro,so how can you deal with this while living in the above frame ? Surely,you are not being much of a man,if,everytime a woman makes a decent,and correct and fair point about you,even if it is negative,and she is angry etc,,if you just up and walk away,she is gonna get even more angry if she is correct...so my point is,if they make a correct assertion about you,how can you just shut them down,as Caleb et al advocate ?

 

[bat soup]

Iv wondered this for a while,looking at stuff by Caleb Jones,and others,who advocate that if a woman starts to whine or nag or create drama,AIMED AT YOU,that you basically dont tolerate it,shut them down,walk off,hang up the phone etc which is all sound I guess,but what if,the reality is that she is making a fair point ? Most women (who are p*ssed off with you) arnt going to *calmly* tell you where you are going wrong,and going on the basis that we all make mistakes and stuff up sometimes,so their is gonna be some aggro,so how can you deal with this while living in the above frame ? Surely,you are not being much of a man,if,everytime a woman makes a decent,and correct and fair point about you,even if it is negative,and she is angry etc,,if you just up and walk away,she is gonna get even more angry if she is correct...so my point is,if they make a correct assertion about you,how can you just shut them down,as Caleb et al advocate ?

Tell her "if a man says he's going to do something that means he's going to do it. You don't have to nag him every six months."

 

[metalwater]

got some good advice on this from this site before.

if she is or probably is right, just tell her; "you're probably right" (only one time).
if she is wrong, just tell her; "maybe yes or maybe no". (the point is to make it clear approval is not needed)

this exact strategy worked pretty well for me.

 

[deadmasterx]

I think that's a point where most guys can't deal with, or get confused about what to do.

Let's suppose that you're a man, you're in a serious relationship, and your woman starts a drama. Sit down and listen. What is she talking about? Is she talking about you? Is she talking about something that happened in her job? Is she talking about something that you did/didn't do? Is she simply feeling down?

Either ways, when you're in a relationship and the woman open herself up emotionally to you, that's something you have to help her out. If she doesn't feel heard, understood, loved and cared in these moments, her legs will close. She will behave colder or bitchy, things will get worse. Why? Because she feels that you doesn't care.

If you're wrong, apologize properly and then keep things playful again, but first make sure that you're apologizing for the right thing

You're gonna say: so I did this, this and that, and it made you feel this way?
She: Yes (if you think that there's something else, ask her "Did I miss something?/Do you think I didn't understand something?")
You: I'm sorry honey, I didn't think at the time that you could feel this way. I love you, come here.
And then life goes on...

Now, if it's pure bull****, you have the right to simply **** off.

Honestly, I have never got into the point of ****ing off literally (even though I could and probably should), but I always keep a smile and keep being playful. If she's making a drama, always imagine that you're her daddy, she's coming to sit on your lap (better if you literally let her do that) and let her do her drama. Don't take it seriously nor personally. Stay playful and soon enough she's gonna feel better (either because you lighted her up with your good mood or because she simply felt that you listened to her, cared and loved her at that moment).

I think it's needless to say that you wouldn't have to really care about anyone else besides your serious date, girlfriend or wife.

 

[TheProspect]

If it's a fair and reasonable point, and I actually agree with her after a quick self-reflection, I'll say as much. Especially in an LTR or with a plate I respect.

Most people (and not just women) who begin to argue get caught off guard when you sincerely agree with them -- it disarms them. It's when you try to defend, explain, rationalize, or minimize your behaviour that you exacerbate the situation.

Everyone makes mistakes and no one is ever always acting as the best version of themselves -- we all have been at various points in our lives needlessly rude, inconsiderate, extraordinarily selfish, and have been in the wrong. I don't think avoiding genuine acknowledgment or avoiding taking responsibility for these shortcomings is the optimal path to take, simply because it's a female pointing it out...

Yes, we all know women can be emotional and that they can whine, b!tch, nag, throw sh!t tests around, and get on a man's case for just about anything (and many times it's just a fleeting mood that has nothing to do with what she's actually b!tching about)... but when you're truly in the wrong... and someone's criticism has merit, I think it's philosophically consistent to acknowledge it as if it were coming from your best friend. Yes, you'll have to drop your ego in order to do it.


There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that a criticism may have some truth to it. We often criticize women for their sh!t on this forum but some of us like to think we are flawless and that we are above hearing it from a woman just because it's coming from a woman...

That being said, if you truly agreed with a girl's criticism, and you took responsibility for your shortcoming, and she CONTINUES to get on your case.... well, that's a different situation... and you should remove yourself from the situation by either offering & deferring the conversation when you're both in a more civil mood, or by getting the women out of your life (Why the fvck would you keep an insistently argumentative person in your life?).

Sure, you can be passive aggressiveness, use game techniques and witty responses, and it may allow you to navigate the immediate situation, but these aren't long term solutions, specifically in LTRs. Also, if you are constantly being nagged by a particular chick, you should question why you are keeping her around -- she's likely low value, and if she is indeed low value, you may need to even question you're own value since you're attracting and hanging on to low-esteem women.

Finally, I'd stress that acknowledging & agreeing with criticism, and taking responsibility for it, does NOT mean you should offer an apology. You can admit you were wrong (or at least, that someone's criticism has truth to it) without having to apologize. There are some cases where an apology may be necessary, but not always. Don't apologize if you're not genuinely sorry.

Men don't run into problems when they concede a woman may have a point, instead they run into problems when they KEEP women who constantly nag at them in their life and either a) always apologize and accommodate to avoid future criticism, or b) always feed the argumentative fire via justifying, defending, blaming, fighting back, or minimizing.

 

[Gstring]

Does the 'nagging' involves increasing your SMV? Perhaps get in shape, or perhaps make more money, or your friend is a d*** drop him? If the nagging actually involves increase your SMV then you listen to it and you deal with increasing your SMV in that area she's nagging about - if it is something concrete. Because obviously this woman isn't there to stick it with you for a long time, in couple of years she is going to be gone, but it might take you another 10 years to realize she was right.

What is she nagging about?

 

[manfrombelow]

It's not about what she said, but the way she said it.

I see some contradiction here. If what she said was REALLY "fair & reasonable" then why would she be "angry and negative"?

And if she had to say it in an angry voice and negative manner, then her argument is very likely not that "fair & reasonable".

All in all, even if she says total bullsh!t but with a calm, well-behaving, respectful and loving manner, I would REWARD her by listenning to her ALL FVCKING DAY.

But if she delivers her speech (even if it's a Nobel speech) in an angry & negative attitude, then 10 out of 10 it would be "Honey, I'm willing to listen to you when you are more respectful and less angry. Let me know when you're cooled down, and then maybe we can talk about this."

And then you get the fvck away right then & right there, and go bang other plates.

I would not REWARD her bad behaviour by giving her my valuable time & affection. Basically, you guys need to educate and train your women the very same way you train your dogs. This is just reality. And it's as simple as that.

 

[Kotaix]

If she's right, she's right. if you're wrong, you're wrong. Be a man and deal with it if you are.

There's a big difference between a woman pointing out when you're wrong and one nagging you non-stop for everything.

You shouldn't be with a woman who nags you non-stop and does it just to create drama and start fights, you'll just grow to hate her over time. Best to dump her and find another woman who isn't a harpy.

Naggers won't change, they think this is normal, usually because they were brought up trashy or in a broken home.

 

[Lookatu]

It's not about what she said, but the way she said it.

I see some contradiction here. If what she said was REALLY "fair & reasonable" then why would she be "angry and negative"?

And if she had to say it in an angry voice and negative manner, then her argument is very likely not that "fair & reasonable".

All in all, even if she says total bullsh!t but with a calm, well-behaving, respectful and loving manner, I would REWARD her by listenning to her ALL FVCKING DAY.

But if she delivers her speech (even if it's a Nobel speech) in an angry & negative attitude, then 10 out of 10 it would be "Honey, I'm willing to listen to you when you are more respectful and less angry. Let me know when you're cooled down, and then maybe we can talk about this."

And then you get the fvck away right then & right there, and go bang other plates.

I would not REWARD her bad behaviour by giving her my valuable time & affection. Basically, you guys need to educate and train your women the very same way you train your dogs. This is just reality. And it's as simple as that.

^^^ Truth.

It's about being civil and how you handle yourself/herself and the tone used to further the dialogue so that you can actually engage in conversation with facts rather than emotions which tend to cloud things up and go nowhere.

We as men need to discern the differences and nip that type of behavior in the bud asap.

 

[Jor-El]

Does the 'nagging' involves increasing your SMV? Perhaps get in shape, or perhaps make more money, or your friend is a d*** drop him? If the nagging actually involves increase your SMV then you listen to it and you deal with increasing your SMV in that area she's nagging about - if it is something concrete. Because obviously this woman isn't there to stick it with you for a long time, in couple of years she is going to be gone, but it might take you another 10 years to realize she was right.

What is she nagging about?

I wasnt referring to a specific girl,or situation,just in general

 

[Jor-El]

It's not about what she said, but the way she said it.

I see some contradiction here. If what she said was REALLY "fair & reasonable" then why would she be "angry and negative"?

And if she had to say it in an angry voice and negative manner, then her argument is very likely not that "fair & reasonable".

But that was entirely my point,woman dont respond in a template way.Iv had good, reasonable points made in a angry way,and total crap made in a calm way....it comes from all angles,and not necessarily how we would like it or want it! Ha

 

[Jor-El]

Some good points well made,thanks all who took the time to contribute

 

[EyeBRollin]

Nagging is symptom of a bigger problem called low interest. Women usually have a reason to nag. It is something the guy is doing horribly wrong. She has to be in her masculine to nag. Women with high interest don’t nag...

 

[Lookatu]

Nagging is symptom of a bigger problem called low interest. Women usually have a reason to nag. It is something the guy is doing horribly wrong. She has to be in her masculine to nag. Women with high interest don’t nag...

I think nagging can be justified if a guy doesn't live up to his end.

Often nagging is initiated when there is procrastination.

Now if you're talking about artificial nagging just for the sake of nagging, then yes, it could signal low interest or lack of respect.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Self objectivity is nearly impossible. If a woman (or a man as well) calls me out and is correct, I own it.

If someone suffers a bruised ego and can't handle the truth, then maybe they should just live on sosuave and never venture out.