Dealing with a combative woman, draining

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Agree with others that she wants a proposal and a ring. Acting like this is counter productive to that and has gotten very old from your perspective. She is measuring herself against the sister too, certainly.

I think what you do is take a VERY direct approach. You sit her down and explain where you are regarding her behavior; and you explain that her behavior is making you less interested, less attracted and less willing to entertain her as a wife.

Also explain that you need space to yourself at times. She is communicating covertly and following an unwritten script or contract that she is trying to enforce where you are concerned. You are oblivious to this or you are disregarding this, which frustrates her.

Covert contracts are NOT cool. You didn't agree to some unwritten expectation or schedule. You must conversate about this and call her out.

Her sister's situation is independent and has no bearing on y'all. Neither do family expectations. This is between y'all.

You gotta be direct here. You flunked mind reading (we all did) and this covert contract is not cool.

 

[john1234]

what do you do when she is being difficult ? do you argue with her, or just go do something else ?

when she disagree with you to be difficult, do you just think... whatever... or does it get under your skin?

if your doing all the right stuff to be the man and a decent one, and she is being difficult then recognize that is what is going on. there are lots of reasons she might have, but her behavior is a choice that she makes.

sending her alone to the gym is probably not the best choice. unless she is ugly, she is getting approached in the gym. she might not go with any of them but it will bolster her confidence vs being submissive to you.

yes, she is feeling competition from the sister.

--

only marry her if your really sure you want to. if you don't know already learn what it really means legally to be married.

consider getting to know some other women better. you might find one that tries harder to please you.

I don’t argue with women, I just state the facts.
Yah, it gets under my skin because she sounds stupid.

As for the gym, I hear you. She gotta get fit right. She is like a 6/7. She is not the most pretty but definitely super helpful and non nagging mostly. She does have a good personality for a woman tbh.

Marriage, I'm not liking that talk, gonna look into that, but I don't think I want that until I understand it. I understand that it gonna be an issue with any girl. Also, that is my decision and it shouldn't be forced on me.

I have a few plates, don't know if they are ltr material.

 

[The Duke]

I've had two long term exes that I lived with. I said HELL NO to marriage from the start but it didn't stop them from asking 2yrs down the road.

Neither of them left me because I refused to marry them.

Did it hurt their feelings a little...yes. Did it cause poor attitudes...no.

The woman I did marry I dated for 7yrs and then I delayed marriage for another 3. She did tell me I needed to marry her or she was leaving. She never gave me any attitude.

My current girl asked about marriage and I said hell no to her. It hurt her feelings. A year later she is still here. If she ever gets an attitude because I wont marry her then she can hit the road.

If a woman starts giving you attitude in regards to marriage then just find a other one. As soon as the newness of marriage wears off she will be complaining about something else.

Stop letting these women run your life. Don't agree to it if it's not what you want.

And every time their friends and sisters start getting married it fuels their own desire to get married as well. It's just like when one needs to go to the bathroom, all 3 need to go. Lol, silly women.

 

[BaronOfHair]

No point in marriage. No need to complicate your life if it's not necessary. A marriage contract isnt going to benefit me by any means.

It's only ever made sense when kids are in the picture and folks have subsequently built a life together. Otherwise, tying the knot is irrational, for the simple fact that we aren't hardwired to be with one mate for decades or even over a century

 

[LTG71]

this sounds like it has happened before. she gets nice and then she gets like this.

Yes, it’s called the menstrual cycle. Every 28 days a psycho b!tch comes to town.

 

[Solomon]

If a woman is being disagreeable, check yourself out. Always tell yourself: she wouldn't do that to Jay-Z, Lebron James, or some other celebrity.

You must not have seen the footage of Solange when she 2piced Jay-Z in the elevator

 

[Barrister]

Advice from the old lady:

Agree with others that she wants a proposal and a ring. Acting like this is counter productive to that and has gotten very old from your perspective. She is measuring herself against the sister too, certainly.

I think what you do is take a VERY direct approach. You sit her down and explain where you are regarding her behavior; and you explain that her behavior is making you less interested, less attracted and less willing to entertain her as a wife.

Also explain that you need space to yourself at times. She is communicating covertly and following an unwritten script or contract that she is trying to enforce where you are concerned. You are oblivious to this or you are disregarding this, which frustrates her.

Covert contracts are NOT cool. You didn't agree to some unwritten expectation or schedule. You must conversate about this and call her out.

Her sister's situation is independent and has no bearing on y'all. Neither do family expectations. This is between y'all.

You gotta be direct here. You flunked mind reading (we all did) and this covert contract is not cool.

While sound advice, the ship has probably sailed. OP's woman is going to see this as excuse making at this point. He needed to set this boundary a long time ago and didn't. It by no means excuses her own bad behavior, but him doing this now won't accomplish anything.

Literally the only thing he can do to prevent his relationship from ending (whether he does because she is unbearable or she does through a monkey branch) is him proposing. Which clearly would be an unbelievably stupid move at this juncture and not one he is going to do anyway. Hence why it is probably time to just go onto the next. The ride was nice while it lasted.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Hence why it is probably time to just go onto the next

Yep... Allowing all that frustration to build up can prompt a man to address the situation via some very unusual methods https://ew.com/tv/2020/01/30/ryan-jenkins-jasmine-fiore-megan-wants-a-millionaire/

 

[HaleyBaron]

You must not have seen the footage of Solange when she 2piced Jay-Z in the elevator

Obviously, even they can get chewed out, but the average woman is not going to do that to him.

 

[john1234]

Call a timeout with her. Super easy and simple. Then disappear for a few days to a week. DO NOT communicate with her during this time or you'll come across and weak and be in a WORSE place. Have some balls.

Good luck.

How, do that when she lives in with me ?

 

[Dash Riprock]

How, do that when she lives in with me ?

Easy. Take off for a few days. Show her you can walk at any time.

 

[john1234]

Easy. Take off for a few days. Show her you can walk at any time.

Im not happy to leave her in my house to trash things if she get emotional?

And she refuses to leave to her family to think things over. I'm worn down and claims its me being combative and not listening to her views.

 

[john1234]

She gone now, I feel bad.

 

[BeExcellent]

Why?

 

[Serenity]

She gone now, I feel bad.

Why? Her presence was draining, you miss the negative influence in your life? Do you suffer from Stockholm Syndrome?

You have no reason to feel bad, you have not lost something, you have gained by her being gone.

Your logic here is like holding a piece of hot coal in your hand, you keep holding onto it instead of dropping it because it's obviously burning you. You lose the piece of hot coal and now you're missing it. You're not thinking rationally.

 

[john1234]

Why? Her presence was draining, you miss the negative influence in your life? Do you suffer from Stockholm Syndrome?

You have no reason to feel bad, you have not lost something, you have gained by her being gone.

Your logic here is like holding a piece of hot coal in your hand, you keep holding onto it instead of dropping it because it's obviously burning you. You lose the piece of hot coal and now you're missing it. You're not thinking rationally.

She was very visibly upset and she was apologising about everything. So I felt bad to go through with it.

 

[Serenity]

She was very visibly upset and she was apologising about everything. So I felt bad to go through with it.

Well, do you REALLY believe things change if you get back together? Looking at it beyond your own upset with a calm mind. Don't make rash emotional decisions on this, really give yourself the time and think it through thoroughly.

Of course she'll be upset by something like that, it's to be expected, but that short burst of emotion doesn't mean there's going to be a permanent change in her.

 

[CoolWave1331]

Regularly quarrelsome over minor things, even if she happens to be wrong, is a red flag

It also seems she strategically switches this behavior on and off: so she's manipulative as well

This person is no good for you bro and you should be out of there if you've already had several conversations about her behavior and she's unwilling to change. She's not the only one there's better women out there.