Deadly absence

[ChaoticGamer]

Hello there !

I'm experiencing a classical case study. I started off a relationship with a girl, and in just a week I managed to make it work perfectly, Even though it was too fast.

Now, the problem is the following, two things(three actually) that happened almost simultaneously.

During the last 2 dates, I came on too strong, I came across as the guy that will do anything to make the relationship work; Showing No Willingness to walk away (I hear this is a big one), and ultimately wussy and emotional.

Then I had to leave her for 6 weeks, and kept talking on the phone and msn, and stuff, but in the last weeks I noticed something was definitely wrong.

Yesterday I returned and confronted her, and I found a completely changed woman; no longer In-Love, and Totally distant, weird, uncomfortable, etc, etc.

What she told me is this: "I think we went too FAST.... and I just had broken up with my last boyfriend, and In this time apart I have thought about it, and I realize I was wrong to let myself go so fast with you"

Then I acted wussy/apalogetic, and told her I did nothing wrong, we did nothing wrong. to which She Agreed, BUT....

Then She told me: "Maybe you did nothing wrong, but I believe I kinda did..."
I interrogated her, and she said:
"I allowed myself to be with my ex-bf.."
then she finalized saying that: "I feel so confused, I regret that I let that happen with him, And now, I DON'T want to be with ANYBODY; I NEED SOME SPACE TO BE ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS"


NOW, the Question... What can I do? I have the willingness to walk away now. But, How do I handle her ex, trying to get in the way too ?
I'd wait, but

How can I telegraph plausible deniability correctly?

I'm not desperate, But still it seems to be a great case to be advised on.

Sincerely,

Jose

 

[amoka]

NOW, the Question... What can I do?

Nothing.

I have the willingness to walk away now.

No you don't. Do you truly believe what you're saying?

But, How do I handle her ex, trying to get in the way too ?

It is her ex, there is NOTHING you can do about it. It is better you know find out now that 6 months down the road where she will be "just talking to her ex" while you're not around.
I'd wait, but

I'm not desperate.

No you are. You showed it in your first two dates.

 

[ChaoticGamer]

There something I have to add in this part of the Text...

"I allowed myself to be with my ex-bf.."
Then she said....
"It's just that He's the only one who's been with me while I've been sick"

And I told her....

me: You have given me all the reasons to believe you want me OUT of your life.
Is that what you really want ?

Her: -MUTE-
later.... "You're gonna be in my life always, one way or the other"


Just thought I needed to mention she also said this...

Jose.

 

[Warrior74]

There something I have to add in this part of the Text...

"I allowed myself to be with my ex-bf.."
Then she said....
"It's just that He's the only one who's been with me while I've been sick"

And I told her....

me: You have given me all the reasons to believe you want me OUT of your life.
Is that what you really want ?

Her: -MUTE-
later.... "You're gonna be in my life always, one way or the other"


Just thought I needed to mention she also said this...

Jose.

I could breakdown all the things that you did wrong, or I could ask you to trust me. Just leave this girl alone, go read the dj bible for a while. Don't call her anymore, don't text or email or msn her. Leave her alone. It's over and done.

"You're gonna be in my life always, one way or the other" is that what you want? No. You wanted to be with her as her man. This means that you can be in the friendzone and be her orbiter.

BTW. She is back with her ex and just didn't have the balls to tell you. Remember, women are covert in their communication...if she had balls to be upfront she would be a man. She is telling you that you are not as good as her ex and she's going back to him, but she can't really tell you that up front, it will hurt your fragile little feelings. That's why she uses words like this...

"I allowed myself to be with my ex-bf.."

then she gives you a BS excuse to see if you buy it. She doesn't have friends or family that can be with her while she's sick. Bull**** bro. You know and I know it.

Accept it. You lost this one. Now move on, start reading and go meet some new women.

 

[ChaoticGamer]

Sad but true !

You have said it in the clearest way you could, and man does it hurt.
I believe however, that all further comments are welcome nonetheless.
Because, like you said, the errors I made were not mentioned, and I believe even though they may be obvious, reading about them, will prevent me from making them again.



Thanks for everything...!

CG

 

[scrouds]

I know an easy way to fix this.... But you'll have to bring some plutonium, my time machine is out

 

[ChaoticGamer]

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

That's a good one !

It's better to be laughing than crying. ha ha ha ha ha

wait! a true Alpha does not even acknowledge the word: "Cry". right?

 

[radiodude]

You went into something with a girl who was coming off of another relationship.

Then you left for over a month, longer than you guys had actually been togeather.

The close proximity of an ex-bf who she just broke up with is never good.

Quite honsetly, it sounds like you were the rebound guy and he was always still primary to her.

Accept it and move on. Forget about her. You'll be fine.

 

[ChaoticGamer]

Wow,

that sounded really interesting, why?

because I was given the exact same point of view by a friend this morning.
Almost the exact same point, I sometimes wonder why it is so elusive to me when it's so obvious to others. And to be even more surprised... The point of view was from a girl.

And yes, I'll be fine, I'm already feeling better.

Does the 'Rebound guy' happens frequently ?

Good Luck

CG