"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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De-infatuation suggestions needed!

randomshinichi

Don Juan
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I just caught myself falling head over heels in "love" with my current girlfriend (the one I last started a thread about), and it's only been like, what, 2 months old. My gut says that attraction is still there between us, so all is not lost, but I need to really start backing off because looking at the whole situation objectively, she's not made of pure 24K as I thought before. The Book of Pook has been especially instrumental in helping me realize this before it jeopardizes my relationship.

Any suggestions? I think the best course of action is to let the clock tick, see what happens. Spend more time on your own life, I know, goodness knows I've spent way too much time with her the past two weeks. But what else have you guys done when you've caught yourselves falling "in love" too soon? I'm not really comfortable with the idea of dating two chicks at once. Not in my first relationship at least. I know, I'm a hopeless romantic.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Lexington

Master Don Juan
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Make a list of all her negative qualities and take a good long look at it. And you can't tell me she doesn't have things about her that you don't like. She is certainly less than perfect. That will knock her down a peg or two in your mind. Be brutally honest, even if it hurts a little bit. Make this list as extensive as you can. Then go over it multiple times. Do that for several days.

This doesn't only apply to women. You should from time to time make a brutally honest assessment of everything in your life including yourself. Exercises like this help to keep everything in perspective and it reminds us that we must constantly work to improve ourselves and our surroundings. It is always better to be overcritical than to be content.
 

Scars

Master Don Juan
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Just back off and focus on you. Spinning plates doesn't always have to mean another girl. It could mean going to the gym, hanging out with friends, seeing a movie, or whatever. Just make sure you have your "ME" time, or you will quickly find yourself going crazy, or without a girlfriend.

-Scars
 

randomshinichi

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I have 7 things on my list so far. The thing is that yes, a few things on the list do hurt... but the amazing part is that it hurts me to admit it!
 

bigneil

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Congrats randomshinichi on finding a girl you like that much. You're half way to your goal (step 1 being finding her, step 2 being your ability to maintain composure).

She must be a great girl (especially with only 7 bad qualities).

Also, kudos on catching yourself falling after 2 months (exactly what happened to me during my last oneitis) and recognizing that it's a problem.

Sadly, the only cure for a woman is another woman.

My advice is to try periods of NC immediately while she still has high IL.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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