Dazed and confused!!

[@Jonanthony]

Hi men

Been watching for a while and decided to join . I am Seeking help ,advice and genuine tough no punches pulled advice from especially experienced posters please.....

Been spinning plates for ages but have struggled to shake the inner struggle of attachments that are inherent with human bonds

Have had one main plate for quite some time and seriously considering LTR ...However whilst keeping options open I found another awesome potential.... She's aware of my spinning and this doesnt faze her.

Now she is sweet and genuine whilst my original is superb in every way and we have an awesome dynamic....So fancy my shock, when my new friend makes contact with my original . This has caused me more damage than I anticipated as I have bonded with both.... But major red flag with the contacting.....unsure of motivations etc she seems genuinely upset and remorseful .

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Two points as is TMK's usual way.

1) A detached mentality really takes time and experience to develop. This goes for all the people in your life, not just women. With women though, you'll have to go through the process a few times whereby you'll accept the loss (to whatever degree you've lost) and just move onward, supported solely by your own self-reliance and nothing more. Genuinely respect someone's decision and don't take it personally. If you fck up and they leave, well, reflect and heed the experience next time round. You simply have to consciously tell yourself that you don't care, and get on with and think about something else, pretty much on a daily basis.

2) You have fcked up this time, by allowing your options to directly know about each other. This is not a smart move. Plate-spinning is only ever to be inferred, and NEVER confirmed. At the very least, they should never know each others' identities and therefore be able to communicate. Subtlety, inference and mystery are all among the most powerful weapons at your disposal; I'd suggest you start employing them to greater effect.

 

[@Jonanthony]

Thanks TMK

Fair calls on both points .... Detachment is my middle name. This is a" life's funny" turn out...... These two are very unique ,and found when not looking for anything serious......This world is amazing and how discovery was made is another wtf story, social circles rule etc kept just .......well moving forward is my thinking ATM...

 

[@Jonanthony]

Hey

I understand I'm a newbie and with the trolling etc ,Just seeking some honest advice esp in reference to the situation..some references ; previous posts ... Even PM if that is preferred as I am genuinely seeking feedback and constructive info.....thanks

 

[CMNILS87]

Hey

I understand I'm a newbie and with the trolling etc ,Just seeking some honest advice esp in reference to the situation..some references ; previous posts ... Even PM if that is preferred as I am genuinely seeking feedback and constructive info.....thanks

You should've said you're into casual dating right now and if a decent girl catches your eye over time you'd think about committing and have a good bond. Never tell them that you're seeing other women. Just say casual dating and if they ask if you're seeing others, tell them it's not something they should worry about. Leaves more ambiguity. Like the don't ask don't tell policy.

 

[@Jonanthony]

Thanks CMNILS87

Sound advice sir...Seems friends playing detective is the real issue here , then curiosity takes hold etc....muchly appreciated..

 

[CMNILS87]

Thanks CMNILS87

Sound advice sir...Seems friends playing detective is the real issue here , then curiosity takes hold etc....muchly appreciated..

For instance guy, I had a 3rd date last night. Had a great time, but got shut down with the come back to my place approach after. These exact tests came up.

So how many other women are you talking to?

Me: "all of them"
"I just talked to the waitress, you jealous?"
You're a girl, literally... I'm talking to you right now".

I skirted the question and she giggled and didn't bring it up again.

Test 2: hey you like whiskey right? I got caramel whiskey at home wanna come hang for a bit?

Her: mmmm I'd love too, but I really shouldn't. ASD at all time high, whatever.

I just Brushed it off and disengaged a bit and she saw that. Not mad, just disappointed and disengaged. Dropped her off and had a hot make out sesssion, pull hair and light spanking.

Test 3:

Her: "we'll hang again soon right?"
Me: disengaged "sure"
Her: "text me when you get home"
Me: text what?
Her: anything
Me: ok

I didn't text her. Sounds ****ish, but we've only been on 3 dates, I don't take orders, and if I'm giving her a fun experience and not getting what I want in return, then I disengage and let her hamster. We cracked sex jokes and she's talking about sex for 70% of the date. If she's gonna play that card and I push a little, it's a waste of time and I'm not gonna play into it.