Dating women from your social circle - Is the game different?

[oldmanofthesea]

When dating girls from your social circle (I'm talking about women you JUST met, who you were introduced to through your extended social circle), do you find that you need to employ different tactics than you would with a girl you met in OLD, cold approach, or clubs? The social dynamics seem to be different and the girl has a bit more to lose and consider.

I feel like there are two schools of thought:

1. Always be direct, forward, and assertive in your approach with women regardless of where/how you meet them. Women appreciate this dominance/directness and it arouses the emotions they need to feel attracted and interested in you romantically as opposed to just lumping you in the platonic friend category.
2. Be mysterious. Flirt with them, touch them, but don't make your intentions clear immediately. Surf the line between romantic and platonic. Do this in group settings with them over the course of several group outings/events as you build tension, rapport, comfort, and mystery until you sense the time is right to make your move and escalate by pulling them away from the group to kiss them or ask them out on a one-on-one date.

I am very new to meeting women through my social circle so am curious to get the opinions and observations of those who meet a lot of women this way. I feel like #1 is the way to go for women in bars and cold approaches but I'm not so sure it's the best way to go in social circles. I wonder if women who are a bit more cautious will respond poorly to this and feel you are coming on too strong or are desperate which may be a red flag for them? And for #2, I feel the risk there is that they don't get the assertiveness they need to feel attracted to you; there is also the risk that as you are honing your game, you make your escalation move at the wrong time.

 

[wifehunter]

Once you reach that irresistable attraction level, none of this stuff will matter. And really doesn't benefit you in the long run. Because you'll be attracting anywhere, anytime, 24/7. In fact, you'll need breaks from all the attention you'll get.

Just work on making progress in your life, and everything will fall into place with little to no effort.

Too much thought and effort on these things reduces your attraction level.

Be the tree all the monkeys want to branch to.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Definitely working toward becoming so suave that I glow in the dark but during the journey, I'm looking for ways on how to adapt my game to social circle settings..... or at least understand if there are any differences in social circle game vs cold approach, bars, and OLD. I feel like there is a difference which is why I'm asking the question.

Perhaps there aren't too many guys here who meet women through their social circle?

 

[Who Dares Win]

Girl from social circle usually are a safer bet for those stronger in the personality department than the look one.

If your look is nothing special no random girl will even bother to find out about your personality, in a social circle you will interact often so she will find out anyway.

Personally I like to work hard but being drama free, plus I'm not interested in girls who had flirts or sex with guys I have to deal with.

 

[Serenity]

Be sure everyone in your social circle talks positively about you behind your back.

As for school of thought, option 1 is better than option 2. I'd go for the not mentioned option 3 though, be laid back, flirt but don't try to hide what you're doing. Sort of a middle ground between option 1 and 2. No point going too mysterious, if she's interested she'll just ask your friends. Not good being too direct, may come off uncalibrated and create some cringeworthy situations.

Just be a casual normal human being with some flirting on top. It's less important what you do, what's more important is how she responds.

 

[The Duke]

I treat my social circle like fishing. I bait my hook and cast it out in the water. Let it sit there for a while, real it in, re-cast. My approach is patient and my end goal is socializing, not looking for a girl. I'm friendly with all of the girls and hold my cards pretty close. I let them come to me and build connections thru conversation. Every now and then I'll bring an attractive female with me from the outside to amp my value amongst the girls in the social circle.

I Also have a female cousin in my cirlce that helps me break down any form of resistance I might encounter by talking me up and telling the other girls what a great guy I am. If you can find a female in the group that can be a trusted friend she can bust down walls faster than you will ever be able to and she can provide inside information that you wouldn't be able to obtain anyways.

So once all of that is in place and the female(fish) has nibbled on my bait a few times, I wait until she bites hard and then I yank the hook. Its game on at this point.

If you are one of the top guys, you'll end up pissing off some of the other males(beta) that tried and got nowhere. Its in your best interest to try and be friends with them anyways.

Everybody will know all of your business eventually so keep in mind there are no secrets. If you are seeking a LTR, I don't recommend trying to fuhk every girl in the group. Be selective, you will be judged.

It literally takes no skill to get girls out of a social circle other than being a man of value. I've never had such an easier time.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

So once all of that is in place and the female(fish) has nibbled on my bait a few times, I wait until she bites a hard and then I yank the hook.

Thanks - A lot of great info there.

Can you elaborate on what it looks like when a girl bites hard enough for you to yank the hook?

When you use that phrase, "yanking the hook," are you referring to where you make a move that absolutely cannot be mistaken for something platonic (such as going for a kiss or inviting her out to a "DATE") - a move that has inherent risk, or something else?

Would you ever make this move after meeting her the first time, provided you felt she was biting hard enough?

 

[The Duke]

Here are some recent examples of girls biting hard enough.....

#1. When you show up to a social function/bar/event etc and she makes a big scene out of your arrival when she never did before. This is her way of saying I am comfortable around you and interested, please pursue me.

#2. When you leave a social function and don't tell her good bye and she reminds you the next time you see her.

#3. When she accuses you of not talking very much. What she really means is why aren't you talking more to her?

#4. When she sends you a facebook request the next morning and includes her number.

Its best to make your advances outside the social group so others don't figure out what's going on as easily.

When you use that phrase, "yanking the hook," are you referring to where you make a move that absolutely cannot be mistaken for something platonic (such as going for a kiss or inviting her out to a "DATE") - a move that has inherent risk ---> YES

Would you ever make this move after meeting her the first time, provided you felt she was biting hard enough?
Yes, but only if I didn't see much value or have much respect for her. Basically only if I wanted to get laid and wasn't worried about that relationship effecting my chances with better girls. And the ones that come on hard and fast are usually the ones with the most miles on them.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

@Howiestern

Awesome thank you! Great advice. I met a girl through a social group recently and seemed like there were a lot of IOIs. Got her number that night easily (to send her some info about a mutual hobby) and there was some touching, flirting, great eye contact, but she definitely didn't come at me hard and fast (nor did I to her) and I totally agree with you on that being a good indicator of quality. I texted her 5 days later and she seemed really happy to hear from me - responding with "heeeyyyyyyyy!!!!!" and writing a lot. After only two texts, she invited me to join her at a group thing during the day. I told her I was busy then but was free in the evening and her response was along the lines of "probably but we'll have to play it by ear" and some other language that made it sound like whatever she would be agreeing to would likely be within the context of a group gathering so I rain-checked and she was cool about it.

Based on what you've outlined, it sounds like my strategy was a bit too fast for a quality girl in a social setting, and I need to keep doing what I was doing in the group setting longer to build the tension and attraction before setting the hook. That makes sense, and it is definitely different than cold approaching or meeting a woman in a bar where you have to move quickly. Thanks again!

How does your cousin talk you up to the girls? Is it that type of talking-up where she says what an awesome guy you are based on your accomplishments/hobbies/success, or more along the lines of how successful with women you are? I could see having someone talk you up as being very risky if your wingman/wingwoman isn't really good at it or gets "caught" but obviously your cousin must be good at it since you're successful that way.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

It's the same as workplace. I know a guy with great situational pickup, social circle, rsd like game. Crap cold approaches. Pulls hard 7s. In club or bar, he has AA.

IMHO, one should do both.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

5. When she flirts with other guys in front of you to try to make you jealius(a red flag but also an IOI)

This is usually when marry her especially when her smv has plummeted.