...Good LORD man!! I read this whole thread and cringed at almost ALL the advice on here, as well as how YOU presented your story and your handling of this situation. I'm sorry, but I read every word and my brain just kept yelling "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
Sorry - just my gut reaction to this whole thing...
Anyway... I'm not going to be like the other guys on here and say getting your ex back is a "mistake" per se... but the way you're going about it is ALL FRIGGIN' WRONG. For starters:
My ex and I have just agreed to start dating again, exclusively, with our first date sometime this week after about 3 1/2 months NC. I've made my intentions clear that I won't be 'just a friend' and this is a 'date'.
Who brought this conversation up? Judging by her following reaction of "I want to take things slow," my guess is that you did. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. For one, just the fact that you haven't talked to her for 3.5 months means that BOTH OF YOU should not be trying to rush back into the situation, and that BOTH OF YOU should be doing your due diligence on each other to make sure you're both the people you want to be with. Saying all this stuff about "not just going out as friends" was not even necessary - all that does it make YOU seem like the desperate party in the scenario.
Secondly, who brought up the idea of the date in the first place? Again, I'm just guessing it was you, which is a BIG "no bueno." If you guys are talking everyday - which, btw, is another BIG mistake you shouldn't be doing - you wait for HER to suggest the meet up. This helps give you the signal that she's starting to think about you two as potentially being a couple again... and, it allows you to avoid bringing up topics like "exclusivity" and going out together as a "date" because SHE would be the one to bring it up.
You gotta understand, guy: the way you win at getting an ex back is by making THEM be the one to work to get YOU back. Why? Because if SHE's doing all this work to gain your attention, her subconscious will think: "Why am I working so hard to be around this guy? Maybe it's because I really DO like him? I should see if he wants to be a couple again."
BUT, if you're going at her with all this exclusivity talk, and ultimatums about her having to choose RIGHT NOW if you two will be a couple again, it's only going to make her lean towards a "no" answer. You need to learn to be detached to the outcome: if you guys go out a few times and it doesn't work out, oh well - more girls out there to chase! And if it does work out, that's cool too - but again, if you're too attached about this thing having to work out, you're going to make all the WRONG decisions because you're going to start demanding things of her too fast, too soon, that she needs time to transition into.
And BTW - and I want all guys to read this - her excuse of "going through family stuff" is bullcrap. Any girl that ever gives you this as an excuse is giving you bullcrap. Real talk: I've had girls I've dated whose family life was in turmoil for various reasons (mom got cancer, father died, etc.) and they were STILL making time to see me. Why? Because when a girl has high interest in you, THEY STILL SEE YOU AS A HIGH PRIORITY IN THEIR LIFE DESPITE WHATEVER "DRAMA" THEY HAVE GOING ON. The reason she gave you that as an excuse - aside from possible low interest and feeling forced into giving this thing a 2nd try - was to hopefully make you sloooooow down your efforts at trying to see/talk to her all the time.
Anyway... my advice for this whole thing is simple:
1. STOP WITH THE "OH-SO-SERIOUS" RELATIONSHIP CONVERSATIONS. No talks of getting back together, or calling yourselves a couple - you can't word yourself back into a girl's heart.
2. BE LAID BACK. When you see her, no serious topics, just be a fun guy.
3. KEEP YOUR DATES SHORT. No longer than an hour and a half at the most - just enough time to show her a good time, and then at the height of that good time, it's over. She's left wanting more, and you let her sit with that feeling for a few days...
4. ...AND DON'T CALL/TEXT HER UNTIL IT'S TIME TO ASK HER ON ANOTHER DATE. She wants to see you once a week? Fine - only call her to set that once-a-week date. If she texts/calls you in between keep it short then say you have to go, but don't give her the privilege of hearing from you everyday. Why? Here's why...
5. DON'T DO THINGS FOR HER THAT YOU WOULD DO FOR GIRLFRIENDS. She needs to EARN back some of the things you did for her. Hearing from you all the time, taking her on longer dates, buying her flowers and other special gifts - SHE DOESN'T GET THESE THINGS UNTIL SHE'S THE GIRLFRIEND AGAIN. And if she brings it up, say it to her - "oh, I'd love to text/call more, but that's what I do for girlfriends and we're trying to take it slow, remember?"
6. UNTIL SHE ASKS YOU TO BE EXCLUSIVE AGAIN - PUBLICLY - CONTINUE TO DATE OTHER GIRLS. And don't feel weird about it, either - even if she finds out, it's a win-win. I had an ex on the fence once and kept it cool, but she was ready to get back with me after finding out I had gone on a date with another girl, thus making her jealous... but then having her question why she was so jealous if she wasn't trying to be with me.
That's all I feel like typing for now - hope this helps!
