Dating someone in debt

[ThisNThat]

A friend of mine, in his late 40s, has recently gotten engaged to his g/f a few months ago. He's now telling me he intends on having to address the elephant in the room about not only her college debt, but her still spending money a little too much even now.

First, I was kind of baffled on how someone who has gone to college in their 20s STILL haven't paid off their college debt in their 40s? I mean....really?!

Anyways, I was like "Dude, you're addressing this AFTER you proposed to her?"

 

[The Duke]

Hmm, maybe she lacks some financial responsibility. Guess he can mop up her mess. Hope its worth it. I'd tell her pay off the debt or there is no marriage. That will be a good filter to see what her intentions are behind wanting marriage!

 

[sazc]

Classic attempt at White Knighting.

Your friend needs to understand that you can't change anyone, THEY change themselves. She doesn't see a need to change. He's too busy getting laid to care.

This will end up am unhappy union, if it happens.

No way in he11 I'll ever date a man in debt, who displays continuous financial irresponsibility, with abandon.

Fvvvvvck no

 

[The Duke]

No way in he11 I'll ever date a man in debt, who displays continuous financial irresponsibility, with abandon.

Of course not, you are female. But women expect men to do so all the time.

 

[Bible_Belt]

No way in he11 I'll ever date a man in debt, who displays continuous financial irresponsibility, with abandon.

But I'm so charming!

Maybe you personally are disciplined enough to still to your logical guns on that matter, but even if so, the vast majority of women are not.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Hate to say it but your friends a sucker fish.
If he's a true friend it's your duty to school him on it. If he still goes through with the Disney fairytale then you guys can have a good laugh and a beer about it at the divorce party in 6 years.

 

[ThisNThat]

Hate to say it but your friends a sucker fish.
If he's a true friend it's your duty to school him on it. If he still goes through with the Disney fairytale then you guys can have a good laugh and a beer about it at the divorce party in 6 years.

Sadly....he's already been married and divorced once.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Reminds me of a friend of mine who has 3 DUI'S
Some people just don't learn. I guess all we can do is be there for them if we can

 

[SmooveMooves]

College can be a losing game for most. Many are graduating with upwards of $60,000 in debt with a degree that will only earn then 30,000.

I've dated women who spent a bit recklessly. I helped them out and now they spend a little better. I don't know why you guys see every issue as some sort of groundbreaking affair. Y'all pretend women are retards incapable of any thought that is not screw over men and sex.

What if through your buddies advice she is finally able to pay it off because she had finally had someone give her proper guidance? Is he still a chump because he *GASP* helped.... her?

 

[shesabranchswinger]

College can be a losing game for most. Many are graduating with upwards of $60,000 in debt with a degree that will only earn then 30,000.

I've dated women who spent a bit recklessly. I helped them out and now they spend a little better. I don't know why you guys see every issue as some sort of groundbreaking affair. Y'all pretend women are retards incapable of any thought that is not screw over men and sex.

What if through your buddies advice she is finally able to pay it off because she had finally had someone give her proper guidance? Is he still a chump because he *GASP* helped.... her?

For me it's that she's in her 40s and has not paid her debt and his friend could assume that debt just a risk I would never choose to assume. You say you helped girlfriends here and there to me that's maybe what $2000-$5000 tops I have two I'm not against that.
What's the average tuition now a days $34,000 a year @ 4 years $136,000 roughly. Let's say a woman is a good girl and sleeps with 2 guys a year in college @ 4 years that's 8 guys worth of experience your paying for talk about a free ride. That's $17,000 of sex debt education your paying for. Not me let her pay for her own way up until we become a team.

So to answer your question in my view yes he is a chump GASP if he pays for her. Because he could find a woman more responsible if he so chooses

 

[ThisNThat]

For me it's that she's in her 40s and has not paid her debt and his friend could assume that debt just a risk I would never choose to assume. You say you helped girlfriends here and there to me that's maybe what $2000-$5000 tops I have two I'm not against that.
What's the average tuition now a days $34,000 a year @ 4 years $136,000 roughly. Let's say a woman is a good girl and sleeps with 2 guys a year in college @ 4 years that's 8 guys worth of experience your paying for talk about a free ride. That's $17,000 of sex debt education your paying for. Not me let her pay for her own way up until we become a team.

So to answer your question in my view yes he is a chump GASP if he pays for her. Because he could find a woman more responsible if he so chooses

The thing is, if you marry someone in debt...you take on their debt as well pretty much. It's a high risk situation and he's going into it knowlingly. Hell, I know a couple that's playing it smart...she's in debt, but they both agreed that she gets out of debt first before they marry. Like she's taking on overtime hours and such, so at least something is being done about it.

Personally, I can't see how can someone still be in debt in their 40s to college. I had financial aid, so it was no biggie. Mostly grants.

 

[SmooveMooves]

So to answer your question in my view yes he is a chump GASP if he pays for her. Because he could find a woman more responsible if he so chooses

I did not mean he pay for her, that's a chump move anyway you slice it.

You mentioned she was a reckless spender. He could guide her on how to spend manage he finances better. I dated a lot of women who were shít with money. They all spent better while with me. I didn't dump them because they weren't responsible financially. IMO that's asinine given the fact that most of America is in debt and financial management is not taught in schools.

 

[sazc]

Of course not, you are female. But women expect men to do so all the time.

Does it MATTER if females expect anything from you? With all due respect, if it matters then you need to work on your personal self esteem.
Fvck society and it's 'traditional views. Stand behind your values and standards.

But I'm so charming!

Maybe you personally are disciplined enough to still to your logical guns on that matter, but even if so, the vast majority of women are not.

LMAO, for you I will make an exception

In my family I saw how over leveraging ones finances caused financial hardship, and it occurred thru 3 generations. I just learned early to not repeat that pattern. People call me cheap, I say I am frugal and careful with what I choose to spend my $ on. This financial thing occurs with men as well. The pickings for quality partners are small t begin with and then you throw on all these other criteria and variables....ugh.

College can be a losing game for most. Many are graduating with upwards of $60,000 in debt with a degree that will only earn then 30,000.

I've dated women who spent a bit recklessly. I helped them out and now they spend a little better. I don't know why you guys see every issue as some sort of groundbreaking affair. Y'all pretend women are retards incapable of any thought that is not screw over men and sex.

What if through your buddies advice she is finally able to pay it off because she had finally had someone give her proper guidance? Is he still a chump because he *GASP* helped.... her?

Im of the mind that people dont change. you accept them as they come and understand that THIS is who you get, or you move on.
You, my friend, are a female whisperer then

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Does it MATTER if females expect anything from you? With all due respect, if it matters then you need to work on your personal self esteem.

Well of course it matters, and a lot of times has nothing to do with self esteem. Say a woman expects you to pay for her every which way, and expects you to give her access to your bank account, SSN, credit cards, etc.

Who is to say that she isn't using you for your money? And if this is the case, she CLEARLY doesn't like you as a person because she doesn't respect anything that you've earned, and thus she doesn't respect you. You cannot love someone you don't respect.

 

[Dingo]

Is her debt for medical school and she will be a doctor ?.... or is it in Woman Studies or some other BS degree ?

 

[shesabranchswinger]

I did not mean he pay for her, that's a chump move anyway you slice it.

You mentioned she was a reckless spender. He could guide her on how to spend manage he finances better. I dated a lot of women who were shít with money. They all spent better while with me. I didn't dump them because they weren't responsible financially. IMO that's asinine given the fact that most of America is in debt and financial management is not taught in schools.

Sure you could guide and teach her but if she is not in that habit already in her 40s I doubt she will be in it in her 50s. Also that time spent to teach and guide her takes away from time that could be spent elsewhere like making more money for the household. And I'm sure that would be the reason for so many future fights between them as no one likes to be micromanaged. When all he has to do is choose a more responsible team oriented woman, or just let her be herself and enjoy her for who she is just do not tie her to his ship so they both sink because of her debt. That goes both ways in my opinion man or woman gay or straight any relationship. I'm not saying leave her just do not get married till she squares away her finances.

 

[shesabranchswinger]

Personally, I can't see how can someone still be in debt in their 40s to college. I had financial aid, so it was no biggie. Mostly grants.

Because they do not and did not take their responsibilitys seriously and they have glided and skated through it for so many years that it will never be paid off until we pay it as tax payers or they find a sucker AFC to pay it for them. I hold no quarter for them.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.fo...nt-loans-will-cost-taxpayers-170-billion/amp/

 

[AlphaNate]

Your friend is a chump.

 

[sazc]

Prenup!!!

 

[Tenacity]

No way in he11 I'll ever date a man in debt, who displays continuous financial irresponsibility, with abandon.

Fvvvvvck no

Because you're an older woman (I think lol). I've already reported that at least 90% of the women I date that are 23 - 35 have BAD finances. The Bytch will have student loan debt (without a degree), car loan debt (for a piece of shyt car), credit card debt (with a 540 fico score), and STILL be hopping on a plane every weekend to fly to various islands.

That's the market of women, especially if she's attractive.

But you never answered my question, why are you on this website? What are you getting out of this website as a woman? I never really understood why a woman would be on this website.