Dating in the 30s was great. Lots of friends, new connections, parties to go to. Now as I enter the 40s, I wonder what differences may be headed down the pike. Already, I notice most people are married with kids and/or moved away, and the scene has changed So, I was wondering if anyone has any tips or thoughts for life in the 40s. Anyone looking back who may have already lived through these years who may have some suggestions or words of wisdom? Thanks.
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Dating/social life in the 40s
- Thread starter Red Zone
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your attitude is more important that your age, the opportunites are there, yeah loads of guys are married, in LTRS, there are still lots of single women, if you have something that has worked for you in the past, keep doing it until it doesnt, then change
Knight's Cross
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Good topic. I just turned 40. Like Betheman says, it's your attitude that counts. I enjoy the company of women, but at this point in life the ones at my age are mostly used up. They either *****d it while that had it, or focused on career, and now want to,"catch up" their personal lives. So for me it's all about finding one that doesn't take herself so darn serious. Tough to find women in that category. They're all either divirced with kids, or they never married and are married to their careers. Many times I've caught myself thinking that if I wanted a good woman I should have invested the time 15 years ago, found one, grew together with her, knocked her up to raise my children, etc. So I find myself dating women 5-10 years younger than me to keep from the career woman crowd.
KC
KC
Knight's Cross
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Good topic. I just turned 40. Like Betheman says, it's your attitude that counts. I enjoy the company of women, but at this point in life the ones at my age are mostly used up. They either *****d it while that had it, or focused on career, and now want to,"catch up" their personal lives. So for me it's all about finding one that doesn't take herself so darn serious. Tough to find women in that category. They're all either divirced with kids, or they never married and are married to their careers. Many times I've caught myself thinking that if I wanted a good woman I should have invested the time 15 years ago, found one, grew together with her, knocked her up to raise my children, etc. So I find myself dating women 5-10 years younger than me to keep from the career woman crowd.
KC
KC
Thanks guys. Yeah I think you're right, attitude is key. The problem I'm having with attitude though is that you change inside as well. Like the same things aren't as exciting as before. Sounds kind of depressing but actually can be a positive, I think. It means you've experienced things and you're ready for new adventures.
But I guess I'm at a point where I'm wondering what those new adventures are. It's hard to find them in the old places, and I'm not sure where the new places are yet. So I wonder, how does one keep that all-important good attitude in the meantime? And what have people done in their 40s to make life interesting? A new business, travel the world, start a family, go back to school, or just keep doing the same things in a different way? I just know that time flies fast and I want to make the most of it.
But I guess I'm at a point where I'm wondering what those new adventures are. It's hard to find them in the old places, and I'm not sure where the new places are yet. So I wonder, how does one keep that all-important good attitude in the meantime? And what have people done in their 40s to make life interesting? A new business, travel the world, start a family, go back to school, or just keep doing the same things in a different way? I just know that time flies fast and I want to make the most of it.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
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zekko
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This may be very different from you, but looking back on my 40s there was a lot of paring down for me. I had gone through a LOT of hobbies and interests in 20s and 30s, and by the time I got into my 40s I realized there wasn't enough time or resources to keep them all up. So I had to pick which ones were the most important to me, prioritize them, and let some of the others go. So the lesson from that by 40 you should have some idea of what is important to you, and concentrate on that.Red Zone said:
I did pick up some new interests in my 40s though, for sure, so things aren't exactly stagnant. The "party scene" has bored me since my late 20s though, so I don't really care about that.
Didn't know there was a party scene much past 30. Many of the folks who are my age are married, had kids, and have not partied for many years. I am truly an outlying data point in that regard.
The one thing I can't imagine gets easier is finding suitable women to date whom are somewhat in your age pool. Lets face it, on average a 40 year old isn't going to be in the company of 23 year olds, let along scoring them with consistency. I say this because I see women at 30 who are still single being much less desirable than their counterparts from 5 years ago. Its not just a physical thing either; many of them seem mentally 'off'. All the good looking women at that age group are married it seems.
Guys who dated through this age group, care to elaborate on these experiences? How has it change? What has been positive or negative?
The one thing I can't imagine gets easier is finding suitable women to date whom are somewhat in your age pool. Lets face it, on average a 40 year old isn't going to be in the company of 23 year olds, let along scoring them with consistency. I say this because I see women at 30 who are still single being much less desirable than their counterparts from 5 years ago. Its not just a physical thing either; many of them seem mentally 'off'. All the good looking women at that age group are married it seems.
Guys who dated through this age group, care to elaborate on these experiences? How has it change? What has been positive or negative?
Definitely...I'm 25 and every girl I know 23-28 is trying to find Mr 'right' while still sleeping around with the hottest guy she bumps into on any given weekend. I imagine they'll settle down with whoever puts up with their bull**** the longest..But the hot ones hardly stay on the market long after a breakup...synergy1 said:
The main thing is to take care of yourself first. Join a gym and use it if you haven't already. 40 is the time funny things start happening medically so start getting a regular yearly physical.
As far as the selection of women goes, most in our age range have miles on them; they have children (although at their age, they shouldn't be an issue), unless they stayed on top of their fitness, they will probably be barrel shaped. The best of the bunch are probably going to be taken already.
On the bright side, we can still date late 20's girls without looking like a creepo, at least until we hit 50 and by that time you should be either married or joined the priesthood.
As far as the selection of women goes, most in our age range have miles on them; they have children (although at their age, they shouldn't be an issue), unless they stayed on top of their fitness, they will probably be barrel shaped. The best of the bunch are probably going to be taken already.
On the bright side, we can still date late 20's girls without looking like a creepo, at least until we hit 50 and by that time you should be either married or joined the priesthood.
squirrels
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Sounds like a good life, if you ask me.Burroughs said:
I mean, isn't that the life YOU would want? Sleeping with the hottest girl you bump into on any given weekend until you find the woman of your dreams?This "dating" crap is largely a circumvention of the natural order of things. It's as if you're going out and test-driving a car every weekend, but never buying one. Maybe every now and then, the dealer lets you take it home for the weekend to see if you like it and you get to treat it "like it's yours", but in the end, you end up taking it back to the dealer. Soon the "dealerships" start becoming wary of you...you're always trying, never buying.
Both men and women get into that "dating" mindset where they get so used to "spinning plates" that they don't know any other way to go. They can REALLY be into you, but because that dating habit is so ingrained into their head, they are still looking for 2-3 other guys to hang out with. Guys that when they're with them they would CLEARLY prefer being with you, but they don't want to give up the variety. They're used to having an option when things go sour. They're like me...they constantly want "something to do".
I do wonder if, once women start getting into their 30s (and I imagine in your 40s you'd be looking for women in their 30s), they finally start to understand the whole male/female dynamic beyond their little high-school fantasies and become more viable long-term "mates" just out of maturity. But then I see plenty of 30somethings who are still playing games.
I guess I'm rambling a little again...damn, to find a "good woman"...one who's actually "fun to be around"...I guess I'll keep dreaming.
You're right... That's how everyone rolls nowadays including myself.squirrels said:
Maybe that's part of the problem. We treat each other like disposable objects then wonder why we keep getting hurt. It all comes around.
Me, I'm definitely looking forward to my 40s (this year baby!!). I had a ton of fun in my 20s, then got married and my 30s were a blur. So in a way I feel I have a lot of catching up to do. I am in better shape both physically and mentally than I was when I hit 30, so I can honestly say I'm a better man now.
As for women, I told myself I wanted to stay young. I've dated a 23, 26 and 27 year old this past year and a half. They were all hassles, headaches, and not that great in bed, very boring sexually. I recently started seeing a 40 year old. This new woman is mind-blowing. No kids, great shape, tons of energy and very, very creative in bed. And no drama. Zero.
So I guess my piece of advice is to date the woman, not her age.
As for women, I told myself I wanted to stay young. I've dated a 23, 26 and 27 year old this past year and a half. They were all hassles, headaches, and not that great in bed, very boring sexually. I recently started seeing a 40 year old. This new woman is mind-blowing. No kids, great shape, tons of energy and very, very creative in bed. And no drama. Zero.
So I guess my piece of advice is to date the woman, not her age.