dating mildly attractive women to increase confidence.

[sociallyanxious]

I have social anxiety and it is something that I am working on getting rid of via counseling, it is affecting my self esteem and confidence. I get nervous around women that I find very attractive, for example, about a week ago I saw what had to have been possibly the most attractive women I have ever seen in my life hands down, she was my kryponite.

I saw her at a bar and when I did my heart sank and I could feel my anxiety go though the roof. I wanted to stare at her and then again I didn't because I was afraid that she would see me.

Throughout my life I have been nervous around women I have found attractive and often times because of it I have been shy or have not talked to them because of it. On the flip side I have always got along great with the ones I did not find attractive and those have always end up liking me. I have been thinking lately that maybe dating mildly attractive women might help me.

How can I overcome this? Have any of you ever experienced this?

 

[Roni_88]

it may sound cliche, but just throwing yourself to strangers with a simple hi,, can start working wonders... its like a step by step confidence building exercise.. and then you will see that talking to girls hot or not is just normal,,, its the mindset of not giving a damn, but you have to go little by little and just accept that not everyone is into talking/dating to you.

 

[backbreaker]

yeah you got to start out small. you are'nt gonna be able to keep the frame with a girl like that yet

there is this chick at subway that i know wants the D lol. she smiles everytime she sees me and asks me personal questions and i got the infamous "you look like someone i know" line lst time i was in there. she's not ugly but she's not hot by any stretch of the imagination. but i like her facial structure and if i were single and in a slump she'd be a perfect slump buster.

plates are like building blocks lol. you go to start somewhere

 

[FairShake]

I'm the first guy to tell you that fvcking a fatty here or there to end a drought is ok and normal male behavior. You know why you're doing it, she knows why you're doing it, and you have agreed on these unspoken terms.

But your idea of dating girls you don't find attractive and promising them more with the single goal of improving your confidence while simultaneously destroying their's skeeves me out. It's using them not sexually but psychologically and I wouldn't advise that from a karmic standpoint.

Just generally being out with people, listening to them and figuring out what makes them tick, and making a socially awkward ass out of yourself a few times and learning from your mistakes is all you need to build social skills and overcome shyness. It takes some work and some balls. Playing with the emotions of girls worse off than you is avoiding the problem.

Find an equally shy girl who is good looking but doesn't show it off too much. That's who you can be "the man" with. Start enjoying eachother's presence and bring eachother out of your respective shells.

 

[mangotot]

You gotta thrown yourself in there. That is the only way. Here is a tip. Go to your city centre and walk around and approach hot women. Ideally you do it front of other people. It'll do wonders for anxiety.

 

[sociallyanxious]

I do not intend to play with their emotions or hurt them, I should have made that clear in the first post. I also didn't mean girls I do not find attractive, I meant girls that are a little bit attractive and not ugly. My intentions with them are to just be **** buddies or something along those lines that is not serious.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

NOT feeling anxious in social situations is a skill like anything else.

1) Start Slow

2) Be Consistent

3) Work Your Way Up

If you spent 30 minutes a day working on this like it was an exercise program, soon you wouldn't have any problems.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Socially Anxious,
Oh yes absolutely...they are your trainer wheels...Get them to take Dancing Lessons with you,then you are cooking with Gas!