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Dating Horror Stories and Lessons Learned

bat soup

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I read this story and I thought it was hilarious. Anyway, I think there are some lessons to be learned from situations like this. In this case, I think it's a good example of what happens when you break the golden rule (don't follow women). Whenever you follow women instead of getting them to follow you, something bad happens.

Here is the story:

A Dating Horror Story (aka “There’s a girl crying in my bathroom”)

My girlfriend (of two years, bought house together, been raising her 4 yo daughter as my own) and I finally broke up just over two weeks ago. (main issue was heavy drinking and refusal to see a therapist)
Major issue is still being very much in love with her - but after a week and a bit, I thought maybe going online and finding someone would be a good idea... and in some ways, sure, because suddenly I’m distracted by lots of young women showing a strong interest in me.
I was surprised by the amount of nude photos I receive (without asking!!!), and the eagerness displayed.

One of them, a very cute 25 year old, asks if I can cook, and then suggests I cook for her. I say to her that I’d prefer meeting in public. “Don’t you trust me?” She asks. “Definitely not” I joke back. But she seems offended so I agree to cook her dinner at my place. (Nice Guy Mistake #1)
Over the next few days I stay playful by text, even though she escalates sexually. (She sends me a nude photo in the morning and I notice that she might be a little bit ‘bigger’ than her profile photos, but it’s from a ‘high above’ angle... so still looks pretty sexy - Lesson #2: Never Trust a Photo Shot From Above) I make it clear to her that I’m interested in sex, but that I don’t expect it at all - happy just having dinner and chat together.

She makes some self-deprecating remarks (“you might find me annoying”), and so my ‘caretaking’ kicks in and I validate her, and tell her not to self-deprecate.
I pick her up from train station... and didn’t recognise her getting off train, so she has to call me. And of course, I immediately realise that her photos were from ~30kg ago
. I try not to think about it, but I’m later reminded of that ‘social experiment’ where a woman wears a fat suit to her first date to see what guys would do... (being overweight is not a dealbreaker for me, esp if a woman is very confident/sexy - but I’m annoyed by the lie)

We get to my place, I give her a quick tour, she places her bag in my bedroom (!!) and I finish making supper. She reaches for my hand during dinner, and I go along with it. She has a bunch of habits that annoy me during dinner, but nothing major, just that they add to my lack of attraction... she tells me she’s recently been diagnose with autism, and speaks about her previous psychiatrist. I don’t pry, but the red flags are now waving.
I get up to make dessert, and she comes to me in the kitchen, and reaches to kiss me... at which point I stop her and say: I want to be entirely open with you, we can have some fun tonight, but I’m still very much hung up on my ex, and I’m not ready for anything more...

She is gutted, sits down at the table in silence, picks at her dessert... and starts complaining about men always treating her badly (she’s had 4 first dates this year, all horror stories, and no second dates)
I feel bad, I ask if she would like me to get her an Uber. She goes quiet, and then asks for a hug, which I give.
She then suggests we watch a movie... I put on a movie, and she lies down on my couch. I clean the kitchen. Ask her if she wants tea. She gets up and stands around awkwardly - asks for another hug. I hug her and I chuckled at something she said... she looks at me with disgust and ask if I think it’s funny. I say that I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable... she turns around and runs to the bathroom.

So I don’t go and check on her... I wait. Fortunately she comes out 10 minutes later as if nothing happened. I say to her that this date is really not working out, that I can get her an Uber. She starts crying again. I say to her that ‘surely’ she realises the date has gone awry and that she wouldn’t want to stay? She goes on about how I misled her and wasted her time and she had to travel to see me etc.

I think again of needing to stop being a nice guy, and I tell her that she’s a grown woman and I find her crying to be manipulative. That dates don’t always work out as we want them to, but the right thing to do is to accept that the other person doesn’t feel the same way and to move on. In retrospect though, I realise that that’s still a nice guy behaviour... it’s what I would say to a friend, when coaching them.

She calls me incredibly mean for ‘kicking her out’, and calls herself an Uber. (Yet still asks me to walk her out... which, of course, I do... nice guy you know...)
She gets in the cab, I think of saying sorry by text (but decide against it) - she sends me one message an hour later saying we could have just gotten a movie (I suggested that earlier, and she said “not if you don’t want to see me again”)

As soon as I’m back in my apartment, I cancel my online dating subscription and disable my account.
As I’m writing this post, I realise there’s a risk of hearing from her again... and that I don’t feel it’s ‘kind’ to block people.

So, a few lessons for me - though sadly none of them are really new:
1.) You will get catfished. The longer your last relationship was, the bigger the likelihood!
2.) Do Not Meet At Your Own Place! Meet in public, always. (**** me, I knew this before... but then her profile photos were so good....)
3.) Do not have ‘sexy chat’ before meeting in person, or open up too much. I love to know more about a person before meeting them in person, but it’s suuuuuuch a letdown (for everyone) if you have great banter by text/voice, you start getting emotionally attached, and then there’s NO chemistry when you meet in person.
4.) Move quickly to a coffee date! “You look nice, let’s grab a coffee” In the daytime. So you can leave as you have other **** to do.

My analysis:
He should have insisted on meeting in a cafe first and if she refused, he should not have met her at all. He was lucky that it was just a fatty that turned up and not a whole crew of nutters armed with chainsaws.
If a girl likes you, my experience is that she'll be willing to go along with whatever you suggest. If she's submissive and cooperative, it will be easy to lead her to your place afterwards. But although it might sound like a good thing for a girl to come straight to your apartment, it's actually a really bad idea because you don't know who is going to turn up. You could end up with two trannies, a crack ***** (with her pimp waiting outside), a man dressed as a woman or a person that is out to rob you.
I think when you meet a girl for the first time, you need to be cautious and get a good feel for who she is before you take her home. This might only take 10 minutes, but part of this is checking that she's not crazy or dangerous and that she's willing to follow instructions and do what you say (instead of doing whatever she feels like, which could cause all kinds of problems).
Also, women from dating sites can often look nothing like their photos in person and you can't really know if you want to take a girl come until you meet up.

It's also interesting to think about her intentions. It seems like she knew perfectly well that he wouldn't be interested if he saw what she looked liked, which is why she lied about her appearance and didn't want to meet beforehand. But why did she think it would be any different when she got to his house? A lot of women seem to have this idea that men are going to just go through with it and have sex with them if they can somehow hide how ugly they are until the last moment. But then, at what point do they expect us to get turned on? Personally, I think women that lie about their appearance are just wasting their own time and making the rejection more painful, since they'll end up getting told that they're too ugly to their face.

Does anyone else have a similar dating horror story and, if so, what lessons did you learn from it?
 

stringpuller

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I read this story and I thought it was hilarious. Anyway, I think there are some lessons to be learned from situations like this. In this case, I think it's a good example of what happens when you break the golden rule (don't follow women). Whenever you follow women instead of getting them to follow you, something bad happens.

Here is the story:

A Dating Horror Story (aka “There’s a girl crying in my bathroom”)

My girlfriend (of two years, bought house together, been raising her 4 yo daughter as my own) and I finally broke up just over two weeks ago. (main issue was heavy drinking and refusal to see a therapist)
Major issue is still being very much in love with her - but after a week and a bit, I thought maybe going online and finding someone would be a good idea... and in some ways, sure, because suddenly I’m distracted by lots of young women showing a strong interest in me.
I was surprised by the amount of nude photos I receive (without asking!!!), and the eagerness displayed.

One of them, a very cute 25 year old, asks if I can cook, and then suggests I cook for her. I say to her that I’d prefer meeting in public. “Don’t you trust me?” She asks. “Definitely not” I joke back. But she seems offended so I agree to cook her dinner at my place. (Nice Guy Mistake #1)
Over the next few days I stay playful by text, even though she escalates sexually. (She sends me a nude photo in the morning and I notice that she might be a little bit ‘bigger’ than her profile photos, but it’s from a ‘high above’ angle... so still looks pretty sexy - Lesson #2: Never Trust a Photo Shot From Above) I make it clear to her that I’m interested in sex, but that I don’t expect it at all - happy just having dinner and chat together.

She makes some self-deprecating remarks (“you might find me annoying”), and so my ‘caretaking’ kicks in and I validate her, and tell her not to self-deprecate.
I pick her up from train station... and didn’t recognise her getting off train, so she has to call me. And of course, I immediately realise that her photos were from ~30kg ago
. I try not to think about it, but I’m later reminded of that ‘social experiment’ where a woman wears a fat suit to her first date to see what guys would do... (being overweight is not a dealbreaker for me, esp if a woman is very confident/sexy - but I’m annoyed by the lie)

We get to my place, I give her a quick tour, she places her bag in my bedroom (!!) and I finish making supper. She reaches for my hand during dinner, and I go along with it. She has a bunch of habits that annoy me during dinner, but nothing major, just that they add to my lack of attraction... she tells me she’s recently been diagnose with autism, and speaks about her previous psychiatrist. I don’t pry, but the red flags are now waving.
I get up to make dessert, and she comes to me in the kitchen, and reaches to kiss me... at which point I stop her and say: I want to be entirely open with you, we can have some fun tonight, but I’m still very much hung up on my ex, and I’m not ready for anything more...

She is gutted, sits down at the table in silence, picks at her dessert... and starts complaining about men always treating her badly (she’s had 4 first dates this year, all horror stories, and no second dates)
I feel bad, I ask if she would like me to get her an Uber. She goes quiet, and then asks for a hug, which I give.
She then suggests we watch a movie... I put on a movie, and she lies down on my couch. I clean the kitchen. Ask her if she wants tea. She gets up and stands around awkwardly - asks for another hug. I hug her and I chuckled at something she said... she looks at me with disgust and ask if I think it’s funny. I say that I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable... she turns around and runs to the bathroom.

So I don’t go and check on her... I wait. Fortunately she comes out 10 minutes later as if nothing happened. I say to her that this date is really not working out, that I can get her an Uber. She starts crying again. I say to her that ‘surely’ she realises the date has gone awry and that she wouldn’t want to stay? She goes on about how I misled her and wasted her time and she had to travel to see me etc.

I think again of needing to stop being a nice guy, and I tell her that she’s a grown woman and I find her crying to be manipulative. That dates don’t always work out as we want them to, but the right thing to do is to accept that the other person doesn’t feel the same way and to move on. In retrospect though, I realise that that’s still a nice guy behaviour... it’s what I would say to a friend, when coaching them.

She calls me incredibly mean for ‘kicking her out’, and calls herself an Uber. (Yet still asks me to walk her out... which, of course, I do... nice guy you know...)
She gets in the cab, I think of saying sorry by text (but decide against it) - she sends me one message an hour later saying we could have just gotten a movie (I suggested that earlier, and she said “not if you don’t want to see me again”)

As soon as I’m back in my apartment, I cancel my online dating subscription and disable my account.
As I’m writing this post, I realise there’s a risk of hearing from her again... and that I don’t feel it’s ‘kind’ to block people.

So, a few lessons for me - though sadly none of them are really new:
1.) You will get catfished. The longer your last relationship was, the bigger the likelihood!
2.) Do Not Meet At Your Own Place! Meet in public, always. (**** me, I knew this before... but then her profile photos were so good....)
3.) Do not have ‘sexy chat’ before meeting in person, or open up too much. I love to know more about a person before meeting them in person, but it’s suuuuuuch a letdown (for everyone) if you have great banter by text/voice, you start getting emotionally attached, and then there’s NO chemistry when you meet in person.
4.) Move quickly to a coffee date! “You look nice, let’s grab a coffee” In the daytime. So you can leave as you have other **** to do.

My analysis:
He should have insisted on meeting in a cafe first and if she refused, he should not have met her at all. He was lucky that it was just a fatty that turned up and not a whole crew of nutters armed with chainsaws.
If a girl likes you, my experience is that she'll be willing to go along with whatever you suggest. If she's submissive and cooperative, it will be easy to lead her to your place afterwards. But although it might sound like a good thing for a girl to come straight to your apartment, it's actually a really bad idea because you don't know who is going to turn up. You could end up with two trannies, a crack ***** (with her pimp waiting outside), a man dressed as a woman or a person that is out to rob you.
I think when you meet a girl for the first time, you need to be cautious and get a good feel for who she is before you take her home. This might only take 10 minutes, but part of this is checking that she's not crazy or dangerous and that she's willing to follow instructions and do what you say (instead of doing whatever she feels like, which could cause all kinds of problems).
Also, women from dating sites can often look nothing like their photos in person and you can't really know if you want to take a girl come until you meet up.

It's also interesting to think about her intentions. It seems like she knew perfectly well that he wouldn't be interested if he saw what she looked liked, which is why she lied about her appearance and didn't want to meet beforehand. But why did she think it would be any different when she got to his house? A lot of women seem to have this idea that men are going to just go through with it and have sex with them if they can somehow hide how ugly they are until the last moment. But then, at what point do they expect us to get turned on? Personally, I think women that lie about their appearance are just wasting their own time and making the rejection more painful, since they'll end up getting told that they're too ugly to their face.

Does anyone else have a similar dating horror story and, if so, what lessons did you learn from it?
Plenty but not typing it out. Any length of time on OLD and its happened to you
 

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jaymbrs

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Girl I met in college. We were 21. After some time we started hitting it off and went on a couple of dates. We were both into drinking but she seemed to like it a little too much. During these dates she would get drunk and super flirty which was fine with me since things seemed to be moving in my favor. One day she invites me to her friend's house party. I show up with a guy friend and she's already pretty drunk. After a couple of hours, my friend is making out with her friend and Im with the girl Im dating. She was super drunk by this point and I cant remember exactly what snapped but she all of a sudden thought it would be funny to stab me with a pen. So Im basically being attacked by this chick who is trying to stab me and my friend comes over to get her off me. I started yelling at my date telling her she's ****ing crazy, etc. At which point her friend starts claiming that my friend was trying to rape her. It was the biggest **** show. As we were walking to my car in the rain, my date comes running out crying hysterically and apologizing. I told her to never contact me again. We ended up having sex the following week but that's besides the point. Lesson here was to tread lightly with girls of that age who are heavy drinkers.
 

Visionist

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I met a girl I'd been talking to online and she was a fücking landwhale in real life. She even had the gall to be angry at me for being late. I made my excuses and got out of there.
 

bat soup

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I once met a "girl" from online dating that looked about 10 years older than her pictures. I was expecting a hot young slim half-Asian girl and instead was met by a middle aged hog with a bad attitude.

I've met a lot of girls that somehow managed to look good in their pictures but were butt ugly in real life. Women from online also tend to have bad attitudes. It's actually rare that women from online are anything like as good as they present themselves.
 

Visionist

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jaymbrs

Master Don Juan
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I once met a "girl" from online dating that looked about 10 years older than her pictures. I was expecting a hot young slim half-Asian girl and instead was met by a middle aged hog with a bad attitude.

I've met a lot of girls that somehow managed to look good in their pictures but were butt ugly in real life. Women from online also tend to have bad attitudes. It's actually rare that women from online are anything like as good as they present themselves.
My friend met this girl online. He said he felt there was a good connection there as they communicated via phone. When they met for the first date, my friend thought something was off about her appearance. After the date was over and they went home separately, he gets a text from her admitting that shes a tranny! I have and will never let him live that down. And because of that I could never do OLD.
 

mrgoodstuff

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My friend met this girl online. He said he felt there was a good connection there as they communicated via phone. When they met for the first date, my friend thought something was off about her appearance. After the date was over and they went home separately, he gets a text from her admitting that shes a tranny! I have and will never let him live that down. And because of that I could never do OLD.
Did he hit it?
 

mrgoodstuff

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I once met a "girl" from online dating that looked about 10 years older than her pictures. I was expecting a hot young slim half-Asian girl and instead was met by a middle aged hog with a bad attitude.

I've met a lot of girls that somehow managed to look good in their pictures but were butt ugly in real life. Women from online also tend to have bad attitudes. It's actually rare that women from online are anything like as good as they present themselves.
Some folk are good at taking pics ( posing ). It's a good skill but as you see. In regular life Itll look different.
 

derby1

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met a woman on OLD, quite glamorous, first meet went great, she was self employed and i was surprised how courteous she was, she would pardon herself if she needed to use her phone for just 20 seconds (on call) ....I was already aware her sister had hung herself a couple of years prior....

Anyway on the 2nd date she drinks one drink too many and said "I bet you fked my sister, you fked everyone else"

I thought lord of red flags, stupidly we met up a further 5 times, then she suddenly ghosted me. id never been ghosted before and didnt know what was going on as she led me on that very day as if we were meeting.

Found out a year later she hates men , leads them on with her beauty then ghosts them to destroy them

I thank her for it, Im so shallow and heartless now its added to my game 10 fold
 
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