I've been dating a 29 year old, very career driven woman for over a month now. We get along great. I stay busy, she stays busy and we meet in the middle and have a good time. I know the interest is there, but there's still something different that could be defined as "off" or something I'm not used to. I'm the oldest of 3 children, she is an only child. I know women like to talk and I'm good about delivering the open ended questions. With her though, she hardly asks any questions. I'm thinking it's b/c she is an only child and didn't have to develop sharing skills. I'm fine with it, just wondered if there are rules to dating a woman who grew up getting all of the attention.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Dating An Only Child???
- Thread starter Disco
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
As an only child growing up she was the center of all adult attention. Now, as an adult -- Tag...you're it ! She is highly likely to be a cantidate for AW also her 'entitlement scale' will probably run on the high side. If it were me I'd keep things casual and start to watch that things stay fun and don't get too one sided (" Worship me you fool. I'm the Pretty Princess. You owe it to me."). She could turn out to be cool but has the potential to become a monster. Maintain your "I'm the true prize here" frame. Over and Out.
WaterTiger
Master Don Juan
I'm an only child too and yes, it screws you up for life.
Even though my parents decided early NOT to spoil me... (Never had a new bicycle, had to do yard work with Dad to "earn" the money to buy a second hand one)...emotionally, I didn't have to share their affection with brothers or sisters. I didn't have other kids to play with and my mindset is rather different. I have noticed I do the following:
*I'm not afraid to be alone. I was raised alone, I know how to amuse my self and if you become a problem, I'll dump your ass and never look back. I'm not afraid to be alone, but I'm terrified of getting hurt.
*I am independent. There was no sister to blame or brother to ask for help. I did it on my own. Did it before you came into my life, will do it after you're gone.
*If you DON'T show me attention immediately, I'll figure you aren't interested and move on. The 3 day rule, not answering my calls/texts, all seems very childish to me. I want to date a grown man, not a boy.
*I am amazing at manipulation. I was raised, not as a child, but a short adult. I learned absurdly early to watch adults, their behavior, hear the inflection in their voices and figured out how to to act with them to be accepted in the group. (Yes, I was that precocious 8 year old at the party with the martini glass full of soda pop discussing the future implications of Watergate.)
*Growing up, I was great with adults...BAD at other kids! HORRIBLE with other kids! They were too childish for my maturity level. I didn't have close friends till about age 11 or 12. Even now I have friends in their 50's & 60's and in their 20's, very few my own age.
*I make a few very close friends that become my pseudo sisters & brothers. Family is sacred to me, and I will walk away from dinner with the Pope if my "Family" needs me.
*I get jealous when my boyfriend shows attention to other women (By "jealous" I mean icy glares, vicious condemnation and hours of pouting) If I think you're doing it on purpose, I'll dump you. If I think you're a player who CAN'T control your flirting, I'll dump you. I WILL protect my heart at any cost. Remember, I'm not afraid to be alone, only of getting hurt!
*I'm drawn to men with large families. If he's got 3 sisters and 4 brothers, 10 aunts, uncles and both sets of grandparents, I'm in heaven. This replaces the large family I craved & didn't have as a child.
*I get along well with first borns & other only borns. Be strong, be decisive, be a leader, or I WILL take the reins from you and make you my b!tch. (Remember, I've been around grown-ups all my life. Weakness to me means "child to be taken care of")
* If you do manage to get through all the land mines I've warned you about, you're in luck. Because I didn't have to share my affection with brothers or sisters, I focus all of it on you. You will be the most spoiled man on the planet. I will notice every glance you make, read every facial expression, sense every mood you're in. I'm SCARY intense with my half of the relationship.
Stare too long at that cool-beyond-words leather jacket at the store? You'll find it hanging in your closet one day. Bummed out because they sold out of tickets to a concert you wanted to go to? Don't worry. I have a battery of friends trying to win them off the radio and several more "people" talking to "other people" about getting tickets on the sly.
The down side is because I'm SO invested, any rebuff from you is devastating to me. Hear that? ANY REBUFF FROM YOU IS DEVISTATING! I am accustomed to total love and acceptance from my parents. I expect it from you as well. (Not logical, but who said love is logical?)
Hope this helps you.
Even though my parents decided early NOT to spoil me... (Never had a new bicycle, had to do yard work with Dad to "earn" the money to buy a second hand one)...emotionally, I didn't have to share their affection with brothers or sisters. I didn't have other kids to play with and my mindset is rather different. I have noticed I do the following:
*I'm not afraid to be alone. I was raised alone, I know how to amuse my self and if you become a problem, I'll dump your ass and never look back. I'm not afraid to be alone, but I'm terrified of getting hurt.
*I am independent. There was no sister to blame or brother to ask for help. I did it on my own. Did it before you came into my life, will do it after you're gone.
*If you DON'T show me attention immediately, I'll figure you aren't interested and move on. The 3 day rule, not answering my calls/texts, all seems very childish to me. I want to date a grown man, not a boy.
*I am amazing at manipulation. I was raised, not as a child, but a short adult. I learned absurdly early to watch adults, their behavior, hear the inflection in their voices and figured out how to to act with them to be accepted in the group. (Yes, I was that precocious 8 year old at the party with the martini glass full of soda pop discussing the future implications of Watergate.)
*Growing up, I was great with adults...BAD at other kids! HORRIBLE with other kids! They were too childish for my maturity level. I didn't have close friends till about age 11 or 12. Even now I have friends in their 50's & 60's and in their 20's, very few my own age.
*I make a few very close friends that become my pseudo sisters & brothers. Family is sacred to me, and I will walk away from dinner with the Pope if my "Family" needs me.
*I get jealous when my boyfriend shows attention to other women (By "jealous" I mean icy glares, vicious condemnation and hours of pouting) If I think you're doing it on purpose, I'll dump you. If I think you're a player who CAN'T control your flirting, I'll dump you. I WILL protect my heart at any cost. Remember, I'm not afraid to be alone, only of getting hurt!
*I'm drawn to men with large families. If he's got 3 sisters and 4 brothers, 10 aunts, uncles and both sets of grandparents, I'm in heaven. This replaces the large family I craved & didn't have as a child.
*I get along well with first borns & other only borns. Be strong, be decisive, be a leader, or I WILL take the reins from you and make you my b!tch. (Remember, I've been around grown-ups all my life. Weakness to me means "child to be taken care of")
* If you do manage to get through all the land mines I've warned you about, you're in luck. Because I didn't have to share my affection with brothers or sisters, I focus all of it on you. You will be the most spoiled man on the planet. I will notice every glance you make, read every facial expression, sense every mood you're in. I'm SCARY intense with my half of the relationship.
Stare too long at that cool-beyond-words leather jacket at the store? You'll find it hanging in your closet one day. Bummed out because they sold out of tickets to a concert you wanted to go to? Don't worry. I have a battery of friends trying to win them off the radio and several more "people" talking to "other people" about getting tickets on the sly.
The down side is because I'm SO invested, any rebuff from you is devastating to me. Hear that? ANY REBUFF FROM YOU IS DEVISTATING! I am accustomed to total love and acceptance from my parents. I expect it from you as well. (Not logical, but who said love is logical?)
Hope this helps you.
^ha, sounds like i was better off with my bpd ex. kidding of course. i figured a lot of this out through observation. i've found that a simple text message during the day does wonders with this girl so what you have said above makes perfect sense.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
kingsam
Master Don Juan
only children norlaly go two ways
- really needy
- emotionally independant
i went emotinally independant - whilst i was given things, i also learnt to play on my own, not needing others company for occupation , that is what has probably happened with her
just because shes a SC doesnt mean she was spoiled either (parents of SC are often carefull not to spoil, and ive seen many more parents of multiple children who DO spoil their kids)
when she did need attention from parents she'd had got it without having to "compete" with siblings so didnt need to learn/develop a "proactive" personality to fight for the attention/with siblings.
Watertiger is a POOR example of how a Single child can turn out!
AND she just may have a personality thats not very talkative ...etc...nothing to do wiht being a SC or not!
- really needy
- emotionally independant
i went emotinally independant - whilst i was given things, i also learnt to play on my own, not needing others company for occupation , that is what has probably happened with her
just because shes a SC doesnt mean she was spoiled either (parents of SC are often carefull not to spoil, and ive seen many more parents of multiple children who DO spoil their kids)
when she did need attention from parents she'd had got it without having to "compete" with siblings so didnt need to learn/develop a "proactive" personality to fight for the attention/with siblings.
Watertiger is a POOR example of how a Single child can turn out!
AND she just may have a personality thats not very talkative ...etc...nothing to do wiht being a SC or not!