Dating an Indian girl

[FruitLoops]

I have been going out with an Indian girl.
Background about the girl: She is the type of girl who doesnt drink, doesnt go to a pub or anything of similar sort. Stay with her elder sister.
I have gone out only 3 times till now. I had made myself clear from the start that i was romantically interested in dating her and not looking for some friend stuff. We went out twice and eventually after going out and chatting on txts she decided that she wants to be in a casual relation with me so that she can get to know me better and have a serious relation. I agreed cause i figured if she would seem worth it along the path i would also start a serious relation. (This happened after 2nd time we went out). The third time i invited her over at my place and at the end while she was leaving we kissed. Today we were talking over text and she stated that casual dating is not her cup of tea and that she would want to go out with me as a friend. I am not sure here as to whether her feelings are completely gone and that she is basically throwing me in friendzone. So i replied back telling her that the reason for causal relation was so that we would get to know each other better and that we would eventually get serious. However, staying friends is not what i am looking for and that i would rather end it here than stay friends. She replied back saying that, " so our friendship was never important for you?".
PS: intially she had stated quite some times that she needs time and i told her that she can take her time, but not to make me wait for way too long and keep me hanging.
I wanted to know if I made the right call by telling her that I would rather end things here than be friends? Also, should i still keep talking to her or should i cut the ties?

 

[FruitLoops]

No friends. Right call but stop all the getting to know her stuff talk.
Ignore her until she hits you up and then take action. Set up dates and keep moving. Less talking about relationship. Have fun.
You cant talk a girl into liking you. Dont even try

So should i just agree with her about her saying that she would want to hang out as friends? Basically i havent replied to her last text asking me whether our friendship was important to me or not? What should be my reply here?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Hard truth......

She MIGHT be an old-fashioned goody-goody who really needs months and months to feel safe and secure etc. But that doesn't matter to YOU. That's HER. Why would you invest months and months of your valuable time and attention on a woman who MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be interested in you when SHE decides some months or years down the road? No, you know what YOU want. She doesn't know what SHE wants, so it's game-over. You move on until you find someone who wants the same thing you do.

Girls always use that "so our friendship wasn't important to you?" line as a way to guilt and manipulate men into giving them what they want: Free attention, validation, and companionship. Bottom line is that she doesn't want romance with you because she isn't sexually attracted to you.

Your response to her line is, "I already have a lot of friends. I am interested in romance with you, which includes friendship, but I'm not willing to accept the friend-zone." and then you walk away and never look back. If she says, "But I want to be friends first and then decide. If you don't want to be friends then it shows you don't care about me," this is just more manipulation and should be responded to by saying, "Let me know if you change your mind." Don't argue and don't try to counter her points.

The fact that she has already kissed you and then later said she'd rather just be friends for a while first is really bad news. This is a girl who has absolutely already decided she isn't sexually attracted to you, but she loves your attention, company, and validation. You are wasting your time with her if you think it will ever progress to romance. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news there. The only hope of sparking any attraction in this particular girl is to do exactly what I outline above, stand up for yourself, and see if she comes back, but I wouldn't do it thinking that this will be the outcome. Do it knowing that you're saving yourself months of wasted investment and further heartbreak.

 

[FruitLoops]

Hard truth......

She MIGHT be an old-fashioned goody-goody who really needs months and months to feel safe and secure etc. But that doesn't matter to YOU. That's HER. Why would you invest months and months of your valuable time and attention on a woman who MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be interested in you when SHE decides some months or years down the road? No, you know what YOU want. She doesn't know what SHE wants, so it's game-over. You move on until you find someone who wants the same thing you do.

Girls always use that "so our friendship wasn't important to you?" line as a way to guilt and manipulate men into giving them what they want: Free attention, validation, and companionship. Bottom line is that she doesn't want romance with you because she isn't sexually attracted to you.

Your response to her line is, "I already have a lot of friends. I am interested in romance with you, which includes friendship, but I'm not willing to accept the friend-zone." and then you walk away and never look back. If she says, "But I want to be friends first and then decide. If you don't want to be friends then it shows you don't care about me," this is just more manipulation and should be responded to by saying, "Let me know if you change your mind." Don't argue and don't try to counter her points.

The fact that she has already kissed you and then later said she'd rather just be friends for a while first is really bad news. This is a girl who has absolutely already decided she isn't sexually attracted to you, but she loves your attention, company, and validation. You are wasting your time with her if you think it will ever progress to romance. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news there. The only hope of sparking any attraction in this particular girl is to do exactly what I outline above, stand up for yourself, and see if she comes back, but I wouldn't do it thinking that this will be the outcome. Do it knowing that you're saving yourself months of wasted investment and further heartbreak.

I agree with you here. I texted her what you suggested and she gave a bit enraged response.
" Okay.. things are getting ugly here..
And I was clear too that I will tell you honestly what I feel about the casual dating. Tbh I was against this casual dating right from the beginning, but just because you suggested I thought of giving it a try.. And regarding the friendzone thing.. I don't know on what basis are you saying about this as I just asked "wasn't the friendship important?" I don't know where I friendzoned you by just asking this simple question.
You just "tagged" my friendship with you as "Friendzone" and I really cannot take this.. So let's just discontinue then."
Should i just discontinue? Or should i explain it to her?

 

[AttackFormation]

I agree with you here. I texted her what you suggested and she gave a bit enraged response.
" Okay.. things are getting ugly here..
And I was clear too that I will tell you honestly what I feel about the casual dating. Tbh I was against this casual dating right from the beginning, but just because you suggested I thought of giving it a try.. And regarding the friendzone thing.. I don't know on what basis are you saying about this as I just asked "wasn't the friendship important?" I don't know where I friendzoned you by just asking this simple question.
You just "tagged" my friendship with you as "Friendzone" and I really cannot take this.. So let's just discontinue then."
Should i just discontinue? Or should i explain it to her?

The question you ask in the end here is a false choice. In reality she has already discontinued you, and she is making it plain to you here, while simultaneously not missing the chance to demean you with her insincere, conceited "question" about "your friendship".

I would just let it go. No need for any long speeches or needless antagonizing. Honestly, you don't even need to respond to that message because she already ended it nicely there.

 

[Trez]

You could ignore what she told you and just try to seduce her anyways. Some of these foreign girls from conservative and family oriented cultures are prude and sometimes virgins. Is she a virgin?

Regardless I wouldn't take what she says so early to seriously. Don't worry to much, she can't put you in the friend zone only you can do that, and don't assume this doesn't mean she doesn't find you attractive. Personally I love foreign women especially ones who tend to be more conservative and not promiscuous.

 

[death_wish. .]

as a dj you shouldnt be looking for anything serious anyway , let her push for the relationship, we are DJ'S we meet women anywhere and everywhere let the woman ask you to get exclusive but that doesnt mean jump right in either go in only if you want . any woman who is not with the program let her go do her own thing , you did the right thing by ending it

 

[Trez]

Trez youtube iranian girls which is the most hardline in that area. They make comments and giggle about meeting up with boys on the down low. Cant resist the nature.
My wife is North Vietnamese prude. Hardline Buddhist.... but i promise you i hit on her like shes a HOR.

Of course is your wife. Even if she's not promiscuous in general, she's still a hor for you.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Should i just discontinue? Or should i explain it to her?

No need to even respond to what she said. Like AttackFormation said, she already made up her mind. Just let her be. You told her what you wanted. Not only did she disagree with what you wanted, she criticized you for it. Does that seem right to you?

 

[FruitLoops]

No need to even respond to what she said. Like AttackFormation said, she already made up her mind. Just let her be. You told her what you wanted. Not only did she disagree with what you wanted, she criticized you for it. Does that seem right to you?

Certainly it doesnt seem right. This is what had already done. I left her text on read. The juice doesnt seem worth the squeeze anymore.

 

[FruitLoops]

Yea mansplain to her...go right ahead. Call her up and spend 2 hours on the phone with her. Idiot learn how to use your fcking ears and filter BAD ADVICE.

This is not what i meant. Offcourse there is no point in providing logical explanation to a female. It was a wrong choice of word on my part. But regardless i left her final text on read and didnt reply anything. Seemed like a better option.

 

[Clamslammer]

What city do you guys live?

 

[FruitLoops]

What city do you guys live?

Canada. We are immigrants here.

 

[The Diver]

" Okay.. things are getting ugly here..
Tbh I was against this casual dating right from the beginning, but just because you suggested I thought of giving it a try.. And regarding the friendzone thing.. I don't know on what basis are you saying about this as I just asked: "wasn't the friendship important?" I don't know where I friendzoned you by just asking this simple question.
You just "tagged" my friendship with you as "Friendzone" and I really cannot take this..

Her fvcking manipulation txt is clear as a sun in the middle of the day. And on top of it , putting the blame on you (Okay.. things are getting ugly here..)


Also , she is a liar. She is the one who suggested casual relat' , not you, but stating it without a blink that you are the one who suggested it .
( "We went out twice and eventually after going out and chatting on txts she decided that she wants to be in a casual relation with me ")

She knows perfectly well that asking you being in a friendship is friendzone you, but behave as "ho, I just asked a simple question" .

I'll say , Fvck her. This woman is full of horse$hit.

 

[FruitLoops]

Her fvcking manipulation txt is clear as a sun in the middle of the day. And on top of it , putting the blame on you (Okay.. things are getting ugly here..)


Also , she is a liar. She is the one who suggested casual relat' , not you, but stating it without a blink that you are the one who suggested it .
( "We went out twice and eventually after going out and chatting on txts she decided that she wants to be in a casual relation with me ")

She knows perfectly well that asking you being in a friendship is friendzone you, but behave as "ho, I just asked a simple question" .

I'll say , Fvck her. This woman is full of horse$hit.

Yeap. Even i felt she was manipulating me by making me feel guilty as if its all my fault. Her final text that she sent me (which i copied here), i didnt even bother to reply to it. Too much drama. Recently i noticed that she removed me from all her social media accounts.

 

[bat soup]

The question you have to ask yourself is: is she cooperating fully and making things easy or not? The answer to that tells you her level of sexual attraction to you.

 

[bat soup]

Her getting angry and pretending that she didn't know that you were a man that wanted to date her and the fact that she even came out with this "as friends" bullsheet are all signs of non-cooperation and therefore lack of sexual attraction.

When she meets a guy she's really attracted to, they'll be no "let's get to know each other as friends" because her panties will already be on the floor.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Never tell them ur intentions directly, always be more subtle and go with the flow

 

[HyenaPrince]

Never tell them ur intentions directly, always be more subtle and go with the flow

Exactly. You can't pull off a magic trick if you tell your audience what's in your left hand. You'd be waving your other hand with the aim of distracting the audience. But it would be in vain since you already gave away your secret.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

But it would be in vain since you already gave away your secret.

Correct - and this is why I gave the advice I did. Adults don't usually have those kinds of conversations of defining exactly what it is they are going to have/do until the woman is getting serious and SHE brings up exclusivity. But from the info available in OP's first post, there had already been some relationship talk early-on, which I wouldn't recommend, but since the cat was already out of the bag, and she started using the word "friend" after they had already kissed, and then began trying to manipulate him, that tells me everything I need to know. A girl who is attracted to a guy and sees him as a high value man and doesn't want to lose him won't jeopardize it by doing things like that. He had already provided her comfort with PG rated dates and friendship and after three dates they had only kissed so I'm pretty sure he wasn't dry humping her against her will and giving off the vibe that all he was looking for was sex. So why the need for her to deliberately throw out "friend"? Because she wasn't interested in anything but that. She went BACKWARDS. Not forwards. Not staying the same.

She likely doesn't know it or understand it herself.... she is young and inexperienced and is probably consciously thinking to herself, "I'd like to get to know this guy more so that I can get comfortable with him and then my attraction will begin to grow for him." But she doesn't understand it doesn't work like that. Attraction won't grow. It's either there or it isn't. It's kind of sad really, and it's why women get so pissed off when you walk away and won't accept the friend-zone, because they TRULY don't believe they are friend-zoning you. In their mind, they think they will become sexually attracted to you over time and if not, then hey no big deal you can both just be friends! Great arrangement for you right? Most women don't understand how attraction works.

I've preached many times before that the basic plan of action for a guy is to be chill, not bring up relationship or intention topics, change the subject playfully if the girl brings up those topics up early-on, focus on providing her with an enjoyable fun experience on each date (that you enjoy too), that your dates are set somewhere where it could lead to sex (IE at your house, hers, or close by so you could travel there quickly), and that you always try to escalate physically and sexually. That's it. You do that until you are either having sex or you've gone on a certain number of dates and it's clear you are wasting your time.