dating advice for a ginger guy

[sambwoy]

It's shocking, but when I was doing research for my ebook on online dating in the "hair color preference" section on match .. while most girls had no preference (80+%), of those that had a preference, 25% explicitly included bald which was actually inline if not MORE than the % who explicitly included red!

Very weird..but makes me feel good that even though I'm bald it may not be the worst hair situation out there

Thanks. I didn't need that self-esteem anyway.

It's so rare to see classically handsome ripped guys, but when I do, all the old insecurities start coming back or reflections on my past.

It sucks that physically I'm attracted to the classic hotties. Not strictly blondes, but brunettes too. But I have never been in their cliques because they are very uniform about who they ACCEPT into the group, male or female. Just on a social status level I feel like riff-raff to them. From what other guys on this site know about this subject, what is the probability that I am?

 

[sambwoy]

It sounds like this is a very sensitive topic for you. If it really makes you feel concerned, like the other guy said, shave it or just own it. One of the best guys in pickup--Tyler Durden--is a redhead in addition to losing his hair. He admits it openly and keeps on rolling with life. It's easier said than done, but you should consider taking one of these approaches.

I have been very unhappy.
This insecurity I have just makes things like crushes and and the fear of losing girlfriends particularly painful. I have never had a proper girlfriend. Seeing other people partnered up made me desperate to have one of my own.

I have had to seek therapy, as was suggested by others here. I have a combination of lowered expectations and how to cope when I get 'filtered out' from her preferences.

 

[skinnyguy]

I have been very unhappy.
This insecurity I have just makes things like crushes and and the fear of losing girlfriends particularly painful. I have never had a proper girlfriend. Seeing other people partnered up made me desperate to have one of my own.

I have had to seek therapy, as was suggested by others here. I have a combination of lowered expectations and how to cope when I get 'filtered out' from her preferences.

Ever tried an average looking woman?

Your standards are too high now. This will lead to loneliness and depression.

Don't try to be like those people. Focus on your life and work and puss will fall into your lap. Wishing you had a woman doesn't help.

 

[sambwoy]

Ever tried an average looking woman?

Your standards are too high now. This will lead to loneliness and depression.

Don't try to be like those people. Focus on your life and work and puss will fall into your lap. Wishing you had a woman doesn't help.

On the first point, sure.
Although, I've said this before, if I did get hit on by one of the hot kind who are high on the social/popularity ladder, I wouldn't take it for granted, and really try to make the most of it until its gone.

Not feeling like one of the 'beautiful people' sucks.
I know about red pill, LMS and the 'halo effect', if any of it is to be believed.

 

[sambwoy]

Sam whatever is keeping you from enjoying life as you would like is deeper inside than just your hair color. It sounds like you haven't had it easy and I sympathize.

I am also scarred, and was diagnosed aspergers when I was 5.
I think my life on the whole currently is great, I've been on some great trips around the UK, but my past often rears its head to nag. The teasing is ingrained there. Its not just female validation, but whether I really touch or have an impact on people with what I do.

I would be so useless around an HB8. They are theoretically more popular and they can really go places. Would getting with them really be so life affirming?

 

[Dingo]

Forget women for six months and work on yourself....

Mind, body and spirit.... Many of the books recommended here are more than just pick up books.... they are books on how to be a better man.

Seriously.... once you learn to love yourself things will turn around.

 

[Yewki]

(and that I have aspergers)

Please help.

I didn't read the entire thread, but to cut to the chase the part in bold is your problem

Not your hair color. Stop worrying about your hair color

Focus on getting better at talking with people and work on improving your social skills. It will not be easy. You'll need to go outside your comfort zone. It's going to require a lot of effort. Make goals, take it one step at a time, and you can do it

 

[sambwoy]

I was going to a special employability course for the aspergers. But because its simulating a work environment it feels like a job like any other establishment, it can be hard to concentrate and it is for other users apparently. If red pill is to be believed, goodlooking ppl will have it easier in most arenas of life, and if only I could form words to tell my supervisors about why the whole thing stinks that I am having to settle for something, because I was never taught to stand up for myself, and in pursuit of money. If only they could understand. It's like talking to robots.

 

[Yewki]

I was going to a special employability course for the aspergers. But because its simulating a work environment it feels like a job like any other establishment, it can be hard to concentrate and it is for other users apparently. If red pill is to be believed, goodlooking ppl will have it easier in most arenas of life, and if only I could form words to tell my supervisors about why the whole thing stinks that I am having to settle for something, because I was never taught to stand up for myself, and in pursuit of money. If only they could understand. It's like talking to robots.

What I found to help, and this ties into you feeling like it's a job, is stop talking to people just to serve their purpose. Get something out of it for yourself. Get enjoyment out of interacting with people. You may not know what that is, or how to do it just yet... but give it time. I suspect you're generally too scared to leave your shell, so socializing with people is basically just a chore.

For example if someone asks a mundane/boring question, "How are you today?" maybe you'd find it fun to respond with "wait, you can see me?" and then proceed to pretend you thought you died and are a ghost. Why? Because f*ck it, it's fun. Doesn't have to be as extreme as this, but the point is get something out of every interaction for yourself