Dating advice article recommends single moms NOT disclose they have children...

[mzilla2]

As yes more quality dating advice for women from women:

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/Lovewise/2007/11/28/4692181.html

"Operating on a need-to-know basis is also advocated by Sharon McKenna, author of Sex and the Single Mother. "It seems deceptive not to disclose it, but unless they ask you directly or you're out on a date and it seems like there's a real chance of romance, telling them isn't necessary"

""If they lose interest in you because of your child [sic: after you purposely misled them] then screw them, they wouldn't have been worth dating anyway."

:moon:

 

[frivolousz21]

As yes more quality dating advice for women from women:

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/Lovewise/2007/11/28/4692181.html

"Operating on a need-to-know basis is also advocated by Sharon McKenna, author of Sex and the Single Mother. "It seems deceptive not to disclose it, but unless they ask you directly or you're out on a date and it seems like there's a real chance of romance, telling them isn't necessary"

""If they lose interest in you because of your child [sic: after you purposely misled them] then screw them, they wouldn't have been worth dating anyway."

:moon:

are you ****ing kidding me.

I dont blame any women that doesnt want to date me because I have a son..it comes with the territory

 

[ketostix]

You know what as bad as that advice sounds, what's worse to me is women who throw the fact they have a kid in your face and use the kid for an excuse to be unavailable or flake or whatever. Of course the same attitude prevails with women, "If he has a problem with me having a child then he's not worth it!" The advice to woman should be to not hide the fact but not make it an issue and a burden on the guy either.

 

[MacAvoy]

I actually don't think its bad advice.

 

[penkitten]

i believe that when you fail to disclose info, and keep it hidden to lure someone in to you, then you are a liar by default.
i never went out with anyone in my single days without telling them before hand that i had children.
what if they hated children? why would i waste my time with them?
even when i did not want a relationship, they all knew i had the children.
even if i was not ready for someone to meet my children, they still knew i had them.

 

[Eddie417]

As yes more quality dating advice for women from women:

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/Lovewise/2007/11/28/4692181.html

"Operating on a need-to-know basis is also advocated by Sharon McKenna, author of Sex and the Single Mother. "It seems deceptive not to disclose it, but unless they ask you directly or you're out on a date and it seems like there's a real chance of romance, telling them isn't necessary"

So what - single parents should wear black armbands? It's a date not living together. This advice makes sense. As a parent if I found myself single I'd bring it up if I thought I had a keeper, which is basically what they're saying here. It's not like they're suggesting she casually mention jr at the wedding.
I mean should I say "before I bone you I need to tell you I have a kid...". - get the issue? I actually would expect a chick to have more of a problem with this than a guy.

""If they lose interest in you because of your child [sic: after you purposely misled them] then screw them, they wouldn't have been worth dating anyway."

:moon:

I agree that this part is just stupid, *****y and incredibly naive.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Having children is a big factor in what affects a new relationship. It's a burden, a responsibility. When you're single your options are more open. Most people want more options and the focus on themselves. That's a fact.


When the article mentions that a guy got frustrated because the single mother couldn't meet up for drinks because of her kids, she says "HE didn't get the whole single parent thing". I got news for you sweety, MOST single people don't get the "single parent" thing. Or they DO and they don't want to deal with it. There are some who like dating single moms and there are those who don't. It's the equivalent of someone showing a false picture of themselves online and then showing up completely different. It's deceptive. Looks are a big part of attraction and MAKING TIME for someone is also an important part when it comes to dating.

This article completely underestimates a single parent's responsibility to their kids. Like you can just fold them up and put them away on a whim.

Retaaaarded!!

 

[MacAvoy]

You guys that think its wrong to keep it hidden are showing your AFC tendencies. The bible and mature DJ's recommend not settling down until your past 25 and make sure you date a women at least for 6 months before you consider going into an LTR with.

That means you should be dating other women. You shouldn't be getting serious yet. Therefore are you suggesting that you divulge every single detail about your life even before the first date?

I'll gladly bang any good looking broad who has children, I'll even date them. I won't however date a women who brings her kids into the picture until we start getting serious.

Even then, I've only once been involved in a LTR with a women who had a kid and I was 18-20 and 24-24 when I dated that women. I was young & nieve. Now I have a daughter, however I seriously doubt I would enter an LTR with a women who has a kid, I'm not saying I wouldn't but I doubt it.

However I'm not going to cut out 50% of my dating pool because she has a kid. There are so many other factors, and if you've spun plates and have been with enough women, you would know that out of 100 women, only 1 is LTR material. So why not go through the dating process to find out.

 

[mrRuckus]

I'm sure they won't mind then if i don't divulge my girlfriend or the fact i'm only looking for sex.

 

[drmeathead]

i dont think they should mention the child until it becomes an issue. like if the sitter is sick and she cant make the date. if it is something that is concern for the posters on here...ASK. it is a legitimate part of the qualifying process you should be putting women through. now if they tell you no and they really have a kid well that is seven different kinds of ****ed up.

that being said...nothing annoys me more than single moms that seem to shout it aloud I HAVE A KID right after u ask them their name. it is almost like they have brainwashed themselves into saying my child is my life. which is combination of creepy and sad aka a major turnoff. for as much as i like doing whatever the **** i want, the right woman in the right situation, a kid wouldnt be a problem. the other 99.99999 percent of the time i dont think i would deal though but hey thats just me.

 

[KarmaSutra]

The biggest problem with single Moms is using thier children as crutches. If a SM needs to use an alibi or excuse, regardless of reason, to flake she will (mostly) use her kids to compensate for the truth.

 

[penkitten]

The biggest problem with single Moms is using thier children as crutches. If a SM needs to use an alibi or excuse, regardless of reason, to flake she will (mostly) use her kids to compensate for the truth.

thats kinda what i recall...

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You guys that think its wrong to keep it hidden are showing your AFC tendencies. The bible and mature DJ's recommend not settling down until your past 25 and make sure you date a women at least for 6 months before you consider going into an LTR with.

That means you should be dating other women. You shouldn't be getting serious yet. Therefore are you suggesting that you divulge every single detail about your life even before the first date?

I'll gladly bang any good looking broad who has children, I'll even date them. I won't however date a women who brings her kids into the picture until we start getting serious.

Even then, I've only once been involved in a LTR with a women who had a kid and I was 18-20 and 24-24 when I dated that women. I was young & nieve. Now I have a daughter, however I seriously doubt I would enter an LTR with a women who has a kid, I'm not saying I wouldn't but I doubt it.

However I'm not going to cut out 50% of my dating pool because she has a kid. There are so many other factors, and if you've spun plates and have been with enough women, you would know that out of 100 women, only 1 is LTR material. So why not go through the dating process to find out.

You're missing the point that MOST single people don't want to deal with a single mother. You're comparing it to her withholding what her favorite foods are on the first date. It's a big deal! If I really like the woman and I think something could work regardless of the child then I'll take it from there. I'd like to know what I'm getting into before anything happens. That's not afc.

 

[MatureDJ]

You don't need to be with people that are so rigid they won't date someone with a child, how they react to you telling them about your child is a great screening process

Oh, so my not wanting to provision for some other man's child is me being "rigid"? WTF?

When I'm done fathering, I'll date single mommies - date, only - there is absolutely no reason to marry a woman with whom there are no children (or the expectation to have children)

 

[jophil28]

The two most common questions that are asked by both sides on a first date are -

"What do you do for a living" - and-
"Do you have children "

So how do we do we answer ? Tell the truth , as bizarre as that sounds to most women .

A woman who withholds information regarding whether she has children(and how many) is presenting herself as being someone that she is not.
THis website advice is consistent with the deception so beloved by most women intent on enticing a man.

Then we heard the usual 'switch and blame' about how he is "not worthy" if he objects to children,. Apparently her deliberate deception in withholding this kind of information is not considered "unworthy " behavior.

MOre feminist garbage advice for gullible women

 

[Eddie417]

Oh, so my not wanting to provision for some other man's child is me being "rigid"? WTF?

No but you're assumption that a woman would automatically want this from you makes you seem wound a little tight. And the kid's father who may still very much be a part of their life might not really appreciate it either. This is an incredibly naive viewpoint.

I dated plenty of single mom's, not one ever expected me to "provision" for their kids, walk their dogs, feed their fish or water their plants. Maybe you just give off a "use me" vibe. Most just wanted a good time and sex. Some were damaged goods, some tried to hard to please in the hopes you would stick around and others just wanted the pork without having to buy the pig, precisely because their priority was parenting. It's called dating. I could choose to take it to the next level if I wanted or walk away because of the kid or if I didn't like they way she ate her peas. It was no biggie.

When I'm done fathering, I'll date single mommies - date, only - there is absolutely no reason to marry a woman with whom there are no children (or the expectation to have children)

I can't really make heads or tails of this sentence, but the article was about dating not marrying. There's a massive difference and one doesn't have to lead to the other.

 

[Eddie417]

The two most common questions that are asked by both sides on a first date are -

"What do you do for a living" - and-
"Do you have children "

So how do we do we answer ? Tell the truth , as bizarre as that sounds to most women .

A woman who withholds information regarding whether she has children(and how many) is presenting herself as being someone that she is not.
THis website advice is consistent with the deception so beloved by most women intent on enticing a man.

Then we heard the usual 'switch and blame' about how he is "not worthy" if he objects to children,. Apparently her deliberate deception in withholding this kind of information is not considered "unworthy " behavior.

MOre feminist garbage advice for gullible women

MacEvoy is right, all this hand wringing over women not telling you about a kid is really AFC. I've experienced it, never saw it as deceptive just irrelevant until the relationship reached a certain point. If I'd asked and was lied to that would be different but the quote specifically says to tell the truth if asked. I'll say it 1000 times, some single moms are incredibly hot, eager to please and just want something in their life for themselves and don't even want you involved with their kids.

I agree that the last part of the article is just snippy but who cares. DJ is supposed to be above sweating that stuff.

 

[Eddie417]

that being said...nothing annoys me more than single moms that seem to shout it aloud I HAVE A KID right after u ask them their name

Yet some of the posters in here seem to want them to do exactly that.

I still think some sort of armband would be easier.

 

[Eddie417]

The biggest problem with single Moms is using thier children as crutches. If a SM needs to use an alibi or excuse, regardless of reason, to flake she will (mostly) use her kids to compensate for the truth.

Well some are definitely damaged goods.

A little off-topic but a true story:

Early 90's just before I met my wife. I meet a woman at a bar and she invites me back to her place. She's young, hot but showing some rough edges already. I sense an overcompensator and am ready to go. We get their she has a kid who's about 18 months old. No biggie. But then she says "I'll be back in about 15 minutes I have to drive the babysitter home can you watch the baby?".

My jaw just about hit the floor. I drove the babysitter home myself and went over to a friend's place. I run into her at the same bar the next weekend and she invites me back again to "properly thank me for dropping off the babysitter".

I told her that only a whack-job would leave an 18-month old baby with a guy she had just met at a bar and I wouldn't screw her with my buddy's d*ck.

Not sure why it bugged me so much, but it did.

 

[jophil28]

MacEvoy is right, all this hand wringing over women not telling you about a kid is really AFC.

"All this hand wringing ?... Huh ? What hand wringing? Go and read the title of this thread again . This is a discussion about the webadvice given to women to not volunteer or disclose the FACT that she is a MOTHER.
There are various opinions expressed here about the advice given (not to disclose UNLESS she has to ).

Now WHY would women be advised NOt to disclose this information UNLESS having a kid is regarded as having a possible negative effect on the outcome of the date, In other words ,being a single MOm is not an asset according to the author's mindset (a woman).

Having said that, I rarely date women who do NOT have children because older women tend to be mothers, for the most part.
If I was not told early in the piece that she was a mother I would be suspicious of her reasons for withholding that info . The withholding would work against her. (in my mind)