Dating a single mom.

[confusedstate]

I'm wondering for those of you based on experience dealing with this issue, not theory, if this sounds like a problem.

I met a girl (26) on a dating site who I instantly hit it off with. She has a 3 year old and on her profile it said that she isn't looking for a replacement father and that she is just looking for friends/dating and if it develops into something more romantic and serious later down the road, fine, if not, still fine.

So we met for coffee and really hit it off...I mean our personalities really meshed.

We've went out a few times since. She's not needy...doesn't call or text me all the time...in fact...only once every few days to confirm plans. We've talked about what both of us want...and we're both in agreement that it's casual at least for now and the near future.

I'm not attached to her. I think she's cute and a really cool person, but it's not an attachment thing. I'm still talking to other women and all that stuff.

I'm just wondering, for those of you who have dated normal single moms (by normal I mean not a crazy personality, minimal drama, not some drug dealing father in the picture) if there are any hazards...or if it just stays casual...seeing each other once a week, occasionally having sex...if there isn't a problem?

 

[Sh0t]

I've "dated" many of them, if we mean dating=sex.

I couldn't be in a relationship with one. being a single mom is one of the most irresponsible things a person can do with their life. Not a good sign in a mate.

There are all the hazards of dealing with any other girl, plus all the mom issues. You'll feel like a bastard once SHE gets attached and you realize dumping her means dumping her plus her kid.

Her views on what a relationship should contain will no doubt be influenced by her being a mother.

Enjoy her, but with caution, for her sake more than yours.

 

[5string]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=178965

Read this brother. Might give you a little insight.

 

[confusedstate]

5string...this isn't even a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It seems she just wants escapism.

I live at home, don't have a great job, etc., so she knows I'm not a provider...so it seems we're just friends that go on dates and have sex.

 

[women haze]

Exactly Mayday Mayday pull out Soldier. Getting involved with a single mother and keeping your Sanity depends upon two important details. The way the kid looks up to you. I can not stress this enough, your ability to be a Man and a leader will be tested. No matter what you say about keeping it casual at one point you will see this kid...If the Kid don't respect you, she won't keep you.

Is the Father still in the picture? If he is? she will never EVEr let go of the feelings she has for him. Don't be suprised when you find out he is going over there to give her some deep !)icking behind your back.

I am not saying that being with a single mom is impossible....because my sister was one and she found a good guy that treats my niece like she is his own.

yet, I'm just saying be careful watch your emotions......

 

[DropZone3]

It all depends on what you both want out of it. For casual dating, you will be fine, but like others said, things are certainly more complicated with a child in the picture.

Just take it easy and look out for yourself.

 

[Nemic]

Some guys will date single moms no matter what they are told.

The best thing to do if you pursue this, is to keep the kid out of it. Make a point to avoid the kid, don't be anything to that child if you want to keep it "casual" with the mom.

She will prob go along for awhile but eventually start asking the questions "don't you like [kid's name]?" and then its time for evasive maneuvers, or NEXT.

 

[Warrior74]

on her profile it said that she isn't looking for a replacement father and that she is just looking for friends/dating and if it develops into something more romantic and serious later down the road, fine, if not, still fine.

Also I have a bridge in brooklyn for sale. How many responses do you think she would get if she wrote " I need a father for my children and a man to take care of me." ? Seriously dude, that's just chic game.

It seems she just wants escapism

Of course, so does every chic you date in the beginning. They want to escape from their life into yours, then later they want to stay there if they like it. It's called normal.

You are making excuses for her becuase you can't handle the truth and still do what you want to do. The point is, you want to bang her for a while and throw her back. If you can be honest about your intentions, you can escape alive, but as long as you decieve yourself, it will be easy for others to decieve you as well.

I'm just wondering, for those of you who have dated normal single moms (by normal I mean not a crazy personality, minimal drama, not some drug dealing father in the picture) if there are any hazards...or if it just stays casual...seeing each other once a week, occasionally having sex...if there isn't a problem?

No relationship with a normal woman stays casual. Eventually it comes to a point where someone wants more. If you are the one who wants more, then you have to be willing to pay the price and not whine about it later. And with a single mom its a steep price for most young single guys with no kids. And when you complain that you have no time together, or that you are broke from spending money on her and her kid, or that you feel like you are coming in second or third place, she will not abide dude, it's what you signed up for. So no whining.

If she is the one that wants more and you don't, then you have to be man enough to let her go find it somewhere else.

 

[f283000]

The best thing to do if you pursue this, is to keep the kid out of it. Make a point to avoid the kid, don't be anything to that child if you want to keep it "casual" with the mom.

She will prob go along for awhile but eventually start asking the questions "don't you like [kid's name]?" and then its time for evasive maneuvers, or NEXT.

Exactly. Basically if you're looking to lay this hot single mom then just try and do it within as few dates as possible without meeting the kid. When she brings up the kid you could either try to avoid it a little longer to keep getting what you want from her or just NEXT.

Single moms can be easy and good lays if you avoid the kid and don't do something stupid like getting into a relationship with one. If you get into a relationship avoid the kid if possible.

 

[confusedstate]

I know there are a lot of sex-centric guys on this site, but sometimes it's not about sex. I'm honestly not sexually attracted to her...it's more of a friends thing. The only reason I met her is because we had a convo online...I wasn't trying at all...and our personalities clicked...same thing when we met in person on our first coffee date. Usually that doesn't happen, especially with someone like her that isn't an UG or chubby.

If this were about sex...I'd just find a childless woman. What I'm not sure is, if we continue to hang out, even just once a week or every two weeks or whatever, if she'll eventually get feelings for me.

Usually with myself, either I have feelings or I don't. I think she's decent looking, and our personalities really click...but that doesn't necessarily translate to wanting a relationship with her or to sleep with her. I need romantic and sexual attraction of some sort and usually it's there or it isn't.

The other thing is, I have issues of my own that she's aware of that give me zero percent chance of being LTR material namely for someone like herself with a kid. So she knows I'm not provider material even if that's what she wanted deep down.

When I say "dating" it's because we go out for lunch and dinner and such (we alternate who pays) but the whole vibe is that of a friends thing.

 

[Warrior74]

I know there are a lot of sex-centric guys on this site, but sometimes it's not about sex. I'm honestly not sexually attracted to her...it's more of a friends thing. The only reason I met her is because we had a convo online...I wasn't trying at all...and our personalities clicked...same thing when we met in person on our first coffee date. Usually that doesn't happen, especially with someone like her that isn't an UG or chubby.

If this were about sex...I'd just find a childless woman. What I'm not sure is, if we continue to hang out, even just once a week or every two weeks or whatever, if she'll eventually get feelings for me.

Usually with myself, either I have feelings or I don't. I think she's decent looking, and our personalities really click...but that doesn't necessarily translate to wanting a relationship with her or to sleep with her. I need romantic and sexual attraction of some sort and usually it's there or it isn't.

The other thing is, I have issues of my own that she's aware of that give me zero percent chance of being LTR material namely for someone like herself with a kid. So she knows I'm not provider material even if that's what she wanted deep down.

When I say "dating" it's because we go out for lunch and dinner and such (we alternate who pays) but the whole vibe is that of a friends thing.

Your screen name and this says it all. WTF are you on about then? You want advice on how to be a friend? Seriously? Either you are lying to us or to yourself or you are just wasting our time with BS. Christ. Confused State indeed.

If you continue to hang out and have coffee and talk she will think of you as her gay friend, so no worries champ. I'm sure you can handle friendzoning yourself. It's guys who usually catch feelings for their "friends" (and I'm putting money that you will before she will). But occasionally it happens with girls. So what if she does catch feelings for you, what are you gonna do about it?

 

[confusedstate]

This is why I laugh at a lot of the fools on this site. Having a female friend that you get along with but don't have romantic chemistry with makes you the gay friend? Yeah, we go shopping and watch Sex And The City and I give her advice on other guys in her life lol right lol.

Like I said in a post a few weeks ago...half of the problems on this site are self-inflicted...associating with low quality women (I don't mean low quality in looks, though I wouldn't doubt that too) and then wondering why they're treated a certain way.

This woman, hard to believe for sex-crazed AFCs I know, actually has a good personality and like to be in her company. Also, gay friends don't make out with girls.

She's not a girly girl, hipster type at all...in fact when she sees douches (the muscular roided up kind) she makes fun of them.

And yes, women like this exist that aren't fat or ugly.

 

[Warrior74]

This is why I laugh at a lot of the fools on this site. Having a female friend that you get along with but don't have romantic chemistry with makes you the gay friend? Yeah, we go shopping and watch Sex And The City and I give her advice on other guys in her life lol right lol.

Like I said in a post a few weeks ago...half of the problems on this site are self-inflicted...associating with low quality women (I don't mean low quality in looks, though I wouldn't doubt that too) and then wondering why they're treated a certain way.

This woman, hard to believe for sex-crazed AFCs I know, actually has a good personality and like to be in her company. Also, gay friends don't make out with girls.

She's not a girly girl, hipster type at all...in fact when she sees douches (the muscular roided up kind) she makes fun of them.

And yes, women like this exist that aren't fat or ugly.

Hahaha I knew a little poking would expose you. So now you're not just friends you make out with her? But you don't find her sexually attractive? Really? Contradictions abound. Dude, what is going on with you?

I have female friends. Tonight I'm going out with two of them one is bringing her husband, we are all going to have a great time. There is nothing wrong with female friends. But if you are making out with them you aren't friends, you're dating. And if your dating and treating her like a friend, then yes she is probably gonna want more. Aloof game. So which is it? Are you dating the chic or not? :Confusedstate:

The question is, what do you want? And what happens if she wants soemthing different, what are you prepared to do?

 

[Zarky]

on her profile it said that she isn't looking for a replacement father

You will someday find out that this line is always a lie.

we're both in agreement that it's casual at least for now and the near future.

"near future" to her = about 3 months

I'm still talking to other women and all that stuff.

You should be banging other women and all that stuff.

..or if it just stays casual..

No, it doesn't.

 

[NickSCFC2000]

You're dating a single mum, who you're not sexually attracted to, and have no kids of your own?




Damn

 

[Falcon25]

What is this guy talking about?

 

[runner83]

What is this guy talking about?

Simple.

He is dating a single mom but is slowly putting himself into LJBF territory by his actions, and seems to want her as friends, rather than as a STR / LTR / FB?...but I'm not sure if he has any idea what he really wants?...

Then, when she does LJBF him, he will suddenly realise how great his feelings were for this "wonderful girl" and come back onto the forum for advice on how to get her back!

half of the problems on this site are self-inflicted...

Sure seems like it in this case. Like watching a car crash in slow motion...